Headington 5 Mile 2023

10 Things I Think About The Headington 5 Mile

1. Oxford

I think that Oxford is like what Cork would be like if UCC took over the city. It’s a very similar size to Cork with similar buildings just more of them and with more money.

2. Run Britain

I think that we need something like the Run Britain website. I thought that using the AAI number every time you run a race would result in a magic database like Power of 10 where you and everyone else could look up how great you ran in the Galbally 10 mile and compare it from year to year. Instead the data must be sitting unused and unloved on a server in County Meath.

3. Iffley Road

I think that warming up from the hotel up to the track at Iffley Road was a good idea. The race was on in Headington which is like the Ballincollig of Oxford, 15 minutes out the road. I didn’t get to run on the track but I had a look in over the wall. Like most things in Oxford it was nice.

4. Civilised Start Line

I think that people at home behave like wild animals on the start line  in comparison to the civilised approach in Oxford. The start was in a field across from the registration. When we arrived there everyone was just standing around waiting in no particular order. Then before the start a man with a megaphone came out and called out 5 mile times, 25 to 27, 27 to 30 etc and we all lined up in order. Amazing.

5. The Contenders

I think that the UK must be the only place in the world with as good a local road race standard as Ireland. On the start line there was a guy in a Swansea Harriers singlet who looked handy and said he was going for 25 minutes. There was also a fella from Oxford University who looked like Oxford’s version of JEP. Once we got under way the Swansea fella and Oxford JEP were gone.

6. Thank You Marshal

I think that we could all do with a lesson in race manners. Oxford is a very polite place, Rhona said that during the race all the people she was running with would say “Thank You Marshal” as they passed each marshal. They’d be lucky to get a grunt in Cork.

7. Organisation

I think that they must have issues with road closures for races in Oxford. The race route was unusual and imaginative. For the first two miles we were on an old cycle path that ran alongside a main road, sort of like how the Glounthaune one will look like in 50 years time. Then for the last three miles we zig zagged our way around housing estates until we came back onto a cycle path for the last mile. It was perfectly measured and impeccably marshalled. Almost overly organised, I can imagine there was a man with a clipboard and a checklist somewhere who was very happy.

8. Two Plus Four

I think that I should have made more of an effort to stay with the group that I found myself in after two miles. The Swansea runner and Oxford JEP were well gone so I was left in a group with two young fellas and an English Viv who was wearing a Woodstock singlet. I was fine on the cycle path but as soon as we entered the zig zag housing estate section the two young fellas dropped us with their agility and likely local knowledge leaving me in a familiar position battling with an M50.

9. Slippery Sludge

I think that there needs to be a name for the slippery black sludge that collects at the corner of cycle paths. I nearly slipped and fell again during the fourth mile. I was chasing English Viv and slipped on some sludge on a sharp turn into an underpass. I managed to catch the sludge slid but was a little afraid for the rest of the race so I just followed the Woodstock singlet of English Viv.

10. Checkout

I think that a race between English and Irish Viv would be a great race, it will probably happen in the British and Irish XC. English Viv destroyed me in the last 400m just like Irish Viv would have. I ended up 6th which was perfect as there were no prizes for 6th so we could get back to the hotel to checkout on time. I had time for a quick chat with the lads that beat me during which I managed not to mention the B word much.

Rathcormac 4 Mile 2023

10 Things I Think About The Rathcormac 4 Mile

1. Nice Evening

I think that the best thing about local summer evening races is that you can just decide to do them 30 minutes before the start. I was supposed to be on Billy minding duty, which on the drive up to the race changed to tormenting John Meade duty. It was a nice sunny calm evening and it would have been a shame to let the opportunity pass.

2. Gentrification

I think that Rathcormac has been changed beyond recognition. My only memories of Rathcormac are of as a child it still being another hour to the city and a place we never stopped in unless my grandfather wanted to go to the eating house. Now it looks like a place you might actually stop in now with a nice running loop and a very good road race.

3. Warm Up

I think that there is no need for a warm up when you have done 10 miles at lunchtime. Instead after parking in the impressive car park I jogged the 250m over to the efficient registration where thankfully they hadn’t closed the registration despite it being 20 minutes before the start. On the jog back I saw everyone who normally runs theses races.

4. Proper Racing

I think that it is great when random tourists turn up to these road races. The start was about half a mile from the car park, on the start line John Meade was talking to a fella wearing Vaporfly 3s who was wearing an unusually professional looking singlet. An Australian tourist apparently. He looked like he meant business. Once the siren went off the tourist took off like Michael Harty. Proper Racing it said on the back of his singlet.

5. Wine Country

I think that a mile outside Rathcormac is an unusual place to be offered wine during a road race. I know they do this sort of thing in Bordeaux but it would be unusual in Mid Cork. Wine obviously isn’t as plentiful as in Bordeaux as this guy was charging €50 for his wine. No one seemed to take him up on it.

6. Horses for Courses

I think that the Rathcormac tourist board must have good funding. Not only did we have wine on course but in that first mile we also had beautiful horses on the course. Perhaps they are targeting the Australian market hard. The Aussie must have been very impressed with the first mile.

7. The Catch

I think that the Aussie tourist showed us no respect. He must have looked around on the start line and thought, moderately old man, moderately old man, tanned man with silly sunglasses, moderately old man and decided that it would be beneath him to run with us. These moderately old men were having none of it and after a mile we had caught the disrespectful Aussie. John Meade looked like he was angry.

8. The Detachment

I think that it is a great pity that my legs were not able to observe the second half of the great battle between our moderately old men, Darragh and the Aussie tourist. After two miles I had nothing and had to drop off and let them go. In the end Darragh taught the disrespectful Aussie a lesson. The Aussie John Meaded John Meade which was great, James McCarthy was 4th and Barry 5th. I was 6th a good bit back.

9. No Lizzie

I think that I might have ran home faster if Lizzie hadn’t gone to Lombardstown instead. My only fear once dropped by the lead group was getting caught by Lizzie, I’m still haunted by that four miler in Fermoy when she beat me when I was extra hairy and had a broken foot. Anyway there was no Lizzie and I ran home admiring the beautiful Rathcormac countryside. Visit Rathcormac.

10. Last of the Summer Sun

I think that the warm down after the race was one of those warm downs that makes you wish the summer would go on forever. It is no harm that it is nearly over as I badly need to do training for marathons so I can finally be faster than Michael Herlihy. Because I ended up sixth in the race so I didn’t get any prize which was a pity as I would have liked a bottle of Rathcormac wine. I hope they gave the Aussie a bottle as a prize.

Cork City 10 Mile 2023

10 Things I Think About The Cork City 10 Mile

1. Don’t Change Anything

I think that it was wonderful that the old course was used instead of the new course with the massive hill. This is possible the most perfect 10 mile race route in the world, combine it with perfect organization and you have one of the best races in Ireland. Unfortunately, it looks like the perfect course is on borrowed time with the Monahan Road bridge. Maybe they could build another tunnel instead, running is way more important than cars.

2. Genuinely Magic Shoes

I think that I would not have been able to run this race if it were not for magic shoes. I’m struggling very badly at the moment with the wound on my knee. It seems like it is taking forever to get better. Everyday there is some new weird and wonderful compensatory injury associated with being an idiot and running on it. It seems to be settling now but I have upset some nerves in my knee. When I put on my new Balance 880s to warm up I couldn’t really run, it wasn’t painful just I couldn’t do the motion of running. So I tried the Vaporfly 3s and it was fine, well fine enough so I warmed up in them and decided to race.

3. Hassan Start

I think that Sifan Hassan is what every runner should aspire to be. The world championships would be a lot more interesting and longer if everyone was made to run the 1500, 5k and 10k. At the start I had to use the Hassan method of jogging off the line and slowly getting up to speed because my nerves weren’t working. Once we were half way down centre park road everything started working and I could move up to the back of the group containing all the people I’d like to beat or at least run with for a while.

4. Ample Water, Ample Humidity

I think that it took about two miles for the heat and humidity to become noticeable. Cork in August is not a good place to be running 10 miles, it is up there with Galbally in July. The conditions are not conducive to ego improving times. At least in Galbally there are mountains to blame but in Cork there aren’t many mountains so it is a little harder to take when you don’t run as excellently as you expected. Luckily there were water stations everywhere so you could never blame your performance on a lack of water. If they could just reduce the amount of water in the air we’d be good.

5. The Beautiful Bunch

I think that there was a wonderful bunch to run with for the first five miles. It was very big, must have been nearly 15 people in it at one stage. Poor Michael McMahon was involuntarily appointed leader of the group and had to set the pace for the first 3 miles. As we passed the Marquee junction, we were given the most pointless piece of information ever, the time gap to Michael Harty, 90 seconds.

6. Mount Blackrock

I think that Strava makes it look like something changed after 5 miles, I was happy out in the bunch until we reached Blackrock village. I still can’t really run up hills with my knee so I tried to get to the front of the bunch before the hill so I could drift back. Unfortunately, instead of drifting slowly like I had imagined I was spat out the back along with Tom and that was the end of my time in the bunch.

7. Wrong Direction

I think that the race should be run like we do sessions around Blackrock. Just reverse the route based on the wind direction. There is nothing better than running around Blackrock with the wind at your back knowing that you don’t have to give it back because of the shelter of the line. Unfortunately getting dropped from a big bunch with today’s wind direction was not pleasant. Two miles of suffering along an overly familiar route with the overly familiar sight of fellas running away into the distance. At least it wasn’t John Meade and Mike like it is the rest of the time.

8. Passenger Tom

I think that it was great to have Tom for company after being dropped from the bunch. He told me he was suffering which probably means he wasn’t suffering as much as me as I couldn’t talk. I’m well used to suffering around Blackrock normally chasing Mike in some pointless session so I was probably the best person that Tom could have had to drag him around. I could see James Hayes getting slightly detached from the splinter group from the main group so I had something motivating me.

9. Racehorses vs a Donkey

I think that I couldn’t have picked two worse fellas than James Hayes and Tom to have to race over the last half a mile of a race. I dragged myself and Tom up onto to back of James which took quite an effort down the line. As we went around the Atlantic Pond someone told us we were 9th 10th and 11th. 11th will do I thought, 11th and not crocked after a pointless sprint. So I left the lads battle it out and ran home without hate or motivation.

10. Ghosts of the Past

I think that I will have to fix my knee before I race again. It is only 90% of the fun to race with a niggle. After the race lots of people were looking at my wound, no one stuck their hand into it but a dog did lick it so perhaps that will do the trick. I was a little disappointed in the time because it was nearly a minute slower than I ran in 2019 when I ran in a pair of Brooks Ghosts and everyone else had magic shoes. Perhaps it’s time to return to the Ghosts.

photo: thE SNAPPER

Stryker 4 Mile 2023

10 Things I Think About The Stryker 4 Mile

1. Wounded Warrior

I think that it is apt that in Irish Coakley is Caochlaoich which translates to Blind Warrior or Hero. At the moment I am a wounded warrior operating with a terrible wounded knee after a fall on a trail in Font Romeu. Michael Herlihy being the brave warrior that he is on hearing of my terrible wound decided to enter his first BHAA race since he won the Cork Marathon.

2. Visible Injury

I think that having a cut as an injury is interesting. It is a lot easier when the injury is visible to watch the healing progress. I imagine a muscle tear must look similar to a cut just that it is hidden under skin so you can’t see it healing and getting better day by day. It seems to be a lot easier to accept a day off for a cut than it is when I have had muscle injuries as I can almost see it getting better hour by hour. Perhaps someone needs to invent a handheld ultrasound for mad insane lunatic runners so that they can see their muscle tears on a screen every day to persuade them to take time off.

3. Knearly Perfect

I think that while there was an element of bravery involved in turning up to race Michael Herlihy with a knee wound, my knee was pretty much back to normal during the warmup. I was worried that I would have to bail out after the warmup but the cut had healed enough so that I could run with my normal odd high knee lift running style which felt good after a full week of not being able to run properly.

4. Wild Youth

I think that it would be great to be young again, well maybe not young but like closer to 30 than 40. When the siren went it was like an age filter. The young fellas like Denis and Eric tore off probably because their reactions are better and immediately opened a gap. The 35-45 age group pack were left to gradually get up to speed slowly before reaching cruising speed after about 800m at which stage the gap to the young fellas stabilized.

5. Mount Train Station

I think that it is amazing how bad Michael Herlihy is at going up hill and how good Barry and John Meade are. As we approached the hill over the train line Mike came up on my shoulder, I was worried about the hill as I’m having some trouble getting up hills where I have to lift my knee higher. I needn’t have worried as the minute we hit any sort of a gradient Mike was out the back door. Barry and John Meade pushed on closing the gap to Denis, Eric and the fella from Bandon ever so slightly. I was able to follow with a little assistance from Kris.

6. Aggressive Meade

I think that John Meade brings his A game to BHAA races. There was a viciousness to John Meade in this race that I haven’t seen in a while. It must have been the extra few days of elite level training in Font Romeu. Once we crested the second of the two mini hills and turned left I went past John, Barry and Kris with the aid of the slight downhill. I thought I was putting in a good effort down the hill but as we approached the deadly bends, I felt a push from John Meade before he bustled by as if I was slowing him down and he had no time for my level of running.

7. White’s Cross Bullet

I think that John Meade’s second two miles of the race were very impressive. After bustling by with unnecessary levels of aggression John Meade locked onto the back of the fella from Bandon in the third mile. It was a sight to behold to watch him hunt down the Bandon singlet almost as if it was an affront to his being for someone to threaten his record of finishing on the podium in every BHAA race since 2008. I was left with Barry Twohig who I hoped would help me to stay well clear of Mike all the way to the line. As we approached the three-mile mark I’d almost written Mike off as he hadn’t been seen or heard of since the first of the two mini hills.

8. Barry Gone

I think that if Barry hadn’t put in such a vicious surge just after the final left turn onto the main road I’d have been safe from Mike. The last mile is deceptively uphill and particularly nasty when there is a headwind. Barry took off after John Meade and the fella from Bandon leaving me floundering and terrified of Mike. I began to think too much about my knee and slowly but surely I heard the ominous sound of a large man in a yellow singlet wearing Asics magic shoes approaching before he stormed by delighted with himself.

9. Vicious Assault

I think that Michael Herlihy should be disqualified from the race. As per section 17.2.2 of the World Athletics rules any athlete that makes deliberate avoidable contact with another athlete with the sole purpose of gaining an advantage should be disqualified. The vicious assault came in the trail section just before the finishing straight. When Mike passed me he immediately slowed up very quickly as he no longer had motivation so I retook the position. Then as we entered the short trail section, he tried to cut up the inside of me. As we are two oversized athletes there wasn’t room on the narrow trail, so he dug his arm into my back and levered me out of the way forcefully. Fearing another terrible fall in my already wounded state, I had no option but to let him by and hope that I could get him in the home straight.

10. Lucky Number Seventh

I think that I was lucky to get through the race unscathed. I probably could have overhauled Mike on the sprint to the line but we had caught up to the fella from Bandon who had been dispatched by John Meade and Barry so Mike had extra motivation to the line. In the end I was happy enough to let Mike have this one, with there being only 3 seconds between us and in my wounded state it felt almost better than a victory. I was going to lodge an official complaint about the physicality of John Meade and Michael Herlihy, but I decided it was best to say nothing. No one would have believed me about John Meade anyway.

photo: joe murphy

Streets of Galway 8k 2023

10 Things I Think About The Streets of Galway

1. Deadly Rocks

I think that if it wasn’t for deadly rocks in Font Romeu I’d have been in far better shape for the Streets of Galway. I got through 7 days of deadly rocks without a stumble, even John Meade had fallen and bounced back like a cat, then on the last morning a poorly placed pine cone tripped me up on a silly 5 mile trail run that I will regret possibly forever. I ended up with cuts all over but the worst one was on my left knee, a cut bad enough to need two days off, which seems like an eternity to an addict like me.

2. America

I think that there might have been more Americans in Galway on Saturday evening than Cork runners in history that have done the Streets of Galway. It is amazing that more don’t come up to Galway. It’s a little closer than Dublin but far better. Myself and Rhona seemed to be the only Cork people entered. I can’t understand it, even the road is reasonable now there’s no excuse. There wasn’t even another race in Cork.

3. Altitude

I think that I will have to channel my inner Stephen Scullion and blame my performance on it being the fourth day after coming back from altitude. I’m not sure if it actually counts when you’ve only been there for a week but it is very important to have more than one thing to blame and elites seem to blame altitude timing for everything.

4. The Streets

I think that the race is as good as everyone makes it out to be. There is a wonderful atmosphere at the start. Any race where you get to stop the traffic of an entire city for an hour is a great race, it’s even better in Galway because it highlights how bad it is. The route is wonderful taking in all the parts of Galway that should be pedestrianized and used primarily for running and cycling. I didn’t really get to enjoy it properly because of my knee but it seemed like it was fast especially when the wind is from the west which it normally is and when it isn’t raining which it normally isn’t.

5. Swamped

I think that after about 100m of the race I realized that it probably wasn’t the best idea to be racing with a cut knee. I was ridiculously late getting to the start so my warm up wasn’t enough to determine whether or not it was ok to race. I had no pain which was crucial, my definition of pain is something caused by running. I had discomfort which was caused by having to bend my cut knee when running which is different to pain. Within a few seconds I was well back mainly because I was terrified of my knee and kind of had to go through a start up checklist where you check everything as you get up to speed.

6. Brain Inhibited

I think that it is a very odd experience trying to run with a cut knee. I was able to run but I had to concentrate as my brain didn’t want to do the movement of running. I looked at my watch as we ran up through Eyre Square and saw 5:20 pace which was acceptable, sure if I just keep this going it will be fine. I was kind of trying to find the maximum pace where nothing could go wrong which I successfully achieved. It had just rained which is inevitable in Galway so the corners were quite slippy so I was glad to have the Vaporfly 3 and not the 1s on.

7. Soar

I think that one of the interesting things I learnt in Font Romeu is that John Meade doesn’t like the brand Soar as thinks it’s like Lululemon for running. I only have one pair of shorts but even that is enough to annoy John Meade. Once we went past the Cathedral a group formed containing a lot of fellas wearing non club singlets. One was wearing a Soar t-shirt which made me think he might be English and good because the only way you could possibly buy the gear after brexit is to be English. English runners are normally good so I was happy to run along with him for a while.

8. Ide

I think that it is always a good strategy to run with the leader of the women’s race if you want to maximize your social media exposure. As we approached the left hand turn onto the Salthill prom my group of expensively clothed runners had closed the gap to Ide. Ide just ran faster than most fellas for 5k on the track so I began to think that the cut knee was no problem at all. Perhaps the altitude training had negated the cut knee.

9. The Salthill Vacuum

I think that the last 2k of the race along the massive car park that is the prom was amazing. It was like running in a vacuum which is very unusual for Galway as it is normally impossible to hear yourself think nevermind someone talk with the wind while running along there. I wish my knee was working properly as I would have flown home with the wind on my large back. Instead I was happy enough to run along at whatever speed was unlikely to result in a compensation injury.

10. The Claddagh Ring

I think that there is a wonderful finish to the race. I tried my best to catch Ide but couldn’t. I wasn’t willing to sprint so I finished just close enough to Ide to appear on the finish line video on the internet. Once we crossed the line I was directed away from the winners ring and off for a bottle of water and a banana. One of the greatest things you can do in running is to estimate where you would have finished in a race you didn’t run, lots of people would have won lots of races, my version is where I would have finished if I wasn’t compromised by something. I probably would have been top 10 if it wasn’t for my knee. I’ll have to comeback next year to prove it, maybe a few other people from Cork will come too.

Cursa D’Age 2023

10 Things I Think About The Cursa D’Age

1. Four Years

I think that it is amazing that it is four years since I last did this race back in 2019. Time evaporates. I wasn’t even an old man the last time I raced, there were no magic shoes and there was no Billy. The course had changed from an approximados 6.4k to an approximados 8k in the meantime so there could be no assessment of the impact of the changes.

2. Forty Years

I think that it is great when races have history. The Cursa D’Age has been going for forty years which is as long as the Ballycotton 10 lasted for. Age is very similar to Ballycotton as it is a tiny little town on the edge of a country. They had photos and results of the very first race displayed at the race headquarters which was outside it being Spain.

3. Roads Closed

I think that we were lucky to make the race. There are a number of ways to get from Font Romeu where we were staying to the race in Age. I had seen that the steep road through Egat was closed due to a rally so I went via Saillagouse which would be a wonderful name for a town in Kerry. John Meade and Conor took the Irish meaning of road closure and tried unsuccessfully to negotiate with a French policeman. Either way we all ended up arriving 20 minutes before the start.

4. No Warm Up

I think that you can get very used to having a minimal warm up. I normally blame my lack of a warm up on Billy and Rhona making me late but in reality it is nothing to do with them and it is just that my lateness has deteriorated over time due to doing too many races and losing the ability to get worried about being on time. As a result arriving 20 minutes before the start wasn’t an issue. John Meade doesn’t do warm ups and Conor wasn’t particularly worried about the race it being his first race in months so we were all fine at the start.

5. Usual Madness

I think that BHAA races down the Marina would be lethal if everyone started like they start races in Spain. I had forgotten how utterly mad it is. They all go off at sub 5 minute mile pace regardless of ability or past races. After about 400m I was in about 15th place way back. As we wound our way through the narrow short streets of Age everyone suddenly started to come back to me. 500m into an 8km race is a bit early to be blowing up but that seems to be the way to run in Spain. Once we had left the town of Age after 800m it was down to myself, John Meade and three runners who looked like me but who were from Spain / Andorra / France / Catalunya.

6. Decathlon

I think that I was most worried about the guy who appeared to be sponsored by Decathlon. The last time I raced a Decathlon athlete I got a bad beating. My suspicions were wrong as after about 4k when we turned left just before the town of Puigcerda it was down to myself John Meade and a strong looking athlete in a high viz singlet and a pair of orange Alphaflys. Always beware the fella in Alphaflys who is still there after 2 miles.

7. Deadly Rocks

I think that one of my favourite things about racing in Spain is that it is actually bright enough to wear sunglasses. The truth is that in Ireland the sun is watery and even on the sunniest day unless you are cycling a bike and need to keep the flies out of your eyes sunglasses are for appearance purposes only. In Spain they are almost essential unless you are John Meade. Unfortunately after 5k the race moved from smooth tarmac to a section of shaded trail sprinkled with deadly rocks. Deadly rocks are my nemesis so in order to ensure that I could see them I had to place my sunglasses on my head reducing the potential for excellent photos for Instagram.

8. The Trail

I think that the guy in the high viz singlet did very well to destroy John Meade on the 2k of trail that we had to run on. The key thing on a section of trail is to make sure you are at the front as you have to leave a gap to the runner in front to see where the deadly rocks are. As we made our way onto the part of the trail with the greatest number of deadly rocks the high viz runner pushed his way past John Meade and gradually opened a gap as we navigated our way uphill through the deadly rocks. I had to leave a similar gap to John Meade and soon enough we were equally distanced from each other.

9. There’s Still a Chance

I think that if John Meade had cooperated with me on the last downhill kilometre I could have got him close enough to the high viz runner in order to launch his trademark final sprint. Instead he was more concerned with staying just ahead on the downhill into the finish. I got very close but never close enough to help while the high viz runner stayed agonisingly just out of reach. As we passed the 8k marker which was about 200m from the finish the high viz runner looked behind before picking the pace up again to ensure that he was well clear of John in second and myself in third. Conor finished eventually in seventh and will soon return to destroying us all.

10. Podium

I think that my favourite podiums are in Spain. It doesn’t matter that the podium isn't until 12 when the race started at 9:30 as the weather is lovely. I had hoped that Billy would do the 150m race for the three year olds but we had a refusal at the start so we had to abandon. Thankfully he was much more interested in the podium and went up at least three times. On the podium the man with the mic was convinced that myself and John Meade were from different countries. I was from Scotland and John Meade was from Ireland. I’m unsure why, are Scottish people more tanned than Irish people? Sure what harm. We got lots of trophies and lots of goodie bags, exactly what you’d want from a holiday race.

Churchtown South 4 Mile 2023

10 Things I Think About The Churchtown South 4 Mile

1. Six Years Later

I think that it is a terrible shame that the Ballycotton 5 Mile series doesn’t exist anymore. It was the greatest road race series ever by miles. It is six years since the last one in 2017. Looking back at the results makes you realise how utterly pointless training is. 6 years ago I finished just ahead of Viv, Donal Coffey and Kieran McKeown in 27:09. Using the world renowned scientifically validated and calibrated Michael Herlihy Magic Shoe Equation I have gotten precisely no better possibly worse depending on the mood of Michael Herlihy.

2. Excessive Greatness

I think that the Ballycotton area might too great an area for road races. A lot of other people seemed to have similar fond memories of the old series, not fond enough to enter online but fond enough to turn up on the night old style with €12. Parking was in a different field to the last time, it’s amazing how you can remember parking fields from races nearly 6 years ago.

3. East Cork Mafia

I think that you are always guaranteed a good race in East Cork Country. East Cork A.C is like when you play Championship Manager for too many seasons, and it starts making up players to replace the ones that have stopped playing. Tony Forristal is basically like the computer regenerated Sean McGrath. On the start line it was a sea of maroon singlets. Once we got underway the wrong way around the 5 mile route I was surrounded by the maroon of Tony, James McCarthy and Brian Harty.

4. The Van

I think that as part of an Athletics Ireland race license it should be mandatory to have a lead van with commentary and Donie Walsh sitting in the back of the van watching the race. On commentary duty for Churchtown South was the totally unbiased Michael Harty.

5. Murder She Wrote

I think that the great thing about having a commentary van is that you find out things about the place that you wouldn’t know otherwise. Michael Harty is a great commentator. He kept us well up to date on the gaps to the people behind and provided nuggets of local wisdom like that the house at the two mile mark with the spectacular views of the sea was Angela Lansbury’s house.

6. Million Dollar View

I think that you should have to pay an extra €2 entry fee for the view between miles two and three. It is an amazing course with views better than Achill or Dingle Half Marathons. The views are made better by the grass running down the middle of the road. You’d nearly forget that you are in a race with East Cork lads that you’d love to beat only for Michael Harty reminding you that Tony Forristal has made a move and the race is on.

7. Local Knowledge

I think that Tony Forristal used either local knowledge or the phone he was holding in his hand to open the decisive gap. It was on the section of natural beauty that he made his move. After possibly checking his phone, he chose a section with grass in the middle meaning that you could only follow behind and not side by side. As the gap gradually opened from a Michael Harty measured distance of 5m to 15m I realized that while I was losing contact to Tony I was opening a small proportional gap to James McCarthy.

8. Excellent Road Surface

I think that I was nearly too happy to be in second place. As we turned sharp right back onto the old first mile of the 5 mile route but in reverse I was about 10 seconds off Tony but 5 ahead of James which was an acceptable state of affairs. All of a sudden, the road surface became excellent which is unusual for East Cork. Michael Harty told us we had about 4 minutes of running left which seemed like a long time to have to stay ahead of James McCarthy.

9. So Predictable I Know

I think that it was probably impossible to beat James McCarthy with only a 5 second gap with 800m to go. I got to 400m to go still in second still about 10 seconds behind Tony. Then Michael Harty uttered the words 400m to go which seems to be James McCarthy’s trigger word. I did my best slow-motion sprinting but with 200m to go James appeared on my right shoulder and drifted by gradually opening a two second gap at the line. Two seconds is better than three seconds in Fermoy I suppose.

10. SuperValu

I think that the prizes for the race were amazing. When you come third in a race you wouldn’t be expecting much, maybe a few euro more than the entry back or if you are in Kerry a set of plates with cows painted on them. I’m beginning to think that I got the wrong prize, a €100 SuperValu gift card seems very generous plus a race logo embroidered Under Armour hat. Let’s just hope it doesn’t get too successful again, I could do with a few more SuperValu gift cards given the price of tofu these days.

Photo: Garry lee

Irish Runner National 10 Mile 2023

10 Things I Think About The Irish Runner National 10 Mile

1. Free Entry

I think that it was great to a get a free entry to the National 10 mile after the race that shall not be named that was also run in the Phoenix Park a few months ago. I probably wouldn’t have gone all the way to Dublin for a 9am start if it wasn’t for the free entry.

2. Not so Free Hotel

I think that I would have gladly swapped a free entry for a free hotel. Dublin is like New York to someone from Cork, the prices don’t make any sense. The anger kind of accumulates as the weekend progresses. The first time you get ripped off you just accept it and hope that it’s a one off but when someone knocks over your €4 coffee in Kaph and the shop doesn’t offer you a replacement you end up glad to be going home.

3. Paper Numbers

I think that I was lucky to know that when a race booklet in Ireland says that number collection closes at 830 it doesn’t actually mean it. It was particularly miserable on Sunday morning, deceptively warm but horribly wet. The sort of morning where you want to minimise any standing around. I jogged up from the not so free hotel for 845 to collect the number at the tent. Being a little haunted by the race that shall not be named I was on the lookout for any potential fiascos. It all looked very professional, the only thing I was worried about was that the race numbers were made of very thin paper and looked like they could fall apart in the rain which would have been problematic given they contained the timing chip.

4. Answering the Question No One Asked

I think that it is important to answer the question is it a good idea to run a 5K, a 4 miler and a 10 miler in 6 days. The answer to this question is No, it is a bad idea, you could probably do two of the three but all three is a very bad idea and will result in a particularly miserable trudge around the Phoenix Park on a pair of exceptionally bad legs that are full of badness. The main problem with it seems to be adrenaline, you have no adrenaline left for the third race so when you are on the line in the Phoenix Park for a national championships it takes about two minutes to get going and you are miles back after 800m.

5. Phoenix Park

I think that I don’t particularly enjoy running in the Phoenix Park. Am I allowed to say that? The hills are horrible, the exact sort of gradient that are terrible for tall people like me to run up. I rarely feel good running around there either, it might be some weird tree pollen or something but I always struggle even on easy runs. This race did nothing for my opinion, after a mile I got going but everything was annoying me, the weather, the darkness, the breathing of the fella from Drogheda who was following me and most annoying of all Michael McMahon and Mark Walsh up ahead just out of reach.

6. Pathetic Fallacy

I think that it is very difficult to run well on a day like Sunday. The weather was deceptively awful for running. It was as humid as it can be and moderately warm. The only good thing about the weather was the lack of wind. The miserable weather was good company for my bad legs which seemed to be getting deader with every mile. It is very important to have at least two things to blame when your performance is likely to be below par.

7. Too Fast

I think that you should never look at your watch when you are feeling terrible in a race. Nothing good will come from looking at your watch if your mental state is not good. After three miles I had convinced myself that my legs weren’t bad and that Mark and Michael were mad and that I was not mad about 10 seconds behind them. Then Brian Murphy stormed past me on the section of the course on the road outside the park. I looked at my watch and saw 16:20 for three miles. This affirmed my opinion that everyone else was mad and that I was right which was very wrong.

8. Keep Going

I think that even when you are struggling in a race it is always best to keep going in case the badness magically disappears. As we began the ascent back up towards the start after about 4 miles I obtained some help from a Donore Harrier. We began to close back the gap to Brian Murphy that I had voluntarily surrendered owing to thinking that he was mad and by the time we had reached the top of the climb where we had to do a bit of cross country running I counted the gap at 10 seconds. I started to think about triumphantly hauling back both Brian, Mark and Michael and how great it would be for me.

9. Humidity and Kerrymen

I think that Kerrymen might be immune to the well-studied effects of humidity on running performance. As we approached the marker for 6 miles which had possibly been moved further down the road by a rogue deer, the gap to Brian was down to 5 seconds, and the thoughts in my head were growing even more wild. Then we began the ascent along the snakey road. At this point the humidity kicked in and I was unable to run anymore. Brian on the other hand took off and did what I would have liked to do which was catch Mark Walsh and beat him. I was left floundering in my now negative but realistic thoughts on the many little climbs back to the finish.

10. Third Team

I think that if it wasn’t for the team competition I might have given up completely during the last two miles. I had reached peak badness at about the 8 mile mark, the hills got worse and it seemed even darker and wetter than it was at the start. I began to hope that the course was wrong and that the times would be invalidated so that my greatness wouldn’t be questioned. Unfortunately for my ego the course was excellently perfectly marshalled so the times were very accurate. Even the numbers which I had been worried about stayed perfectly intact. I ended up 22nd outside 55 minutes which is John Walshe’s threshold for inclusion in the list of 10 mile times. The only consolation was that we came third in the senior team which was about all I could have hoped for in the first place. Maybe it isn’t such a bad idea to do all the races.

Grange Fermoy 4 Mile 2023

10 Things I Think About The Grange Fermoy 4 Mile 2023

1. Fourth Time Lucky

I think that the fourth version of the Grange Fermoy 4 mile course is the best version. At the fourth attempt they have created one of the best 4 mile race routes in the county. It’s excellent, an almost square possibly rectangular 4 mile route with 4 left turns, a few little hills but mostly flat. If they had of used this course in 2020 all the people who ran that day would have comeback perhaps.

2. Masters Running

I think that road racing has an age problem. The start line of the race was all old men like me and Michael Herlihy. I had to reintroduce Michael Herlihy to Sergiu because it’s nearly 13 years since they last raced each other. No one under 28 seems to run road races, I don’t know why, perhaps they all have coaches now who make them do perfect training instead.

3. Original Magic

I think that it is terrible that Nike change the size of the Vaporflys on every model. The Vaporfly V1 and V3 require different thickness socks for a UK 12. As I had thin socks on I had to go for the Pink V1s. No harm as one of the ways to prevent injury is to change the shoes up every now and then.

4. Singlet Set

I think that I should get sponsored by Asics so that I don’t have to pay money for my singlets. I’m sure Sergiu didn’t have to put his hand in his pocket for his matching albeit different colour Asics singlet with tiny holes in it.

5. Yellow Belly

I think that it is natural to be worried when a fella from Wexford who looks like Brian Fay is up the front of a race after a mile. He must have meant business if he came this far, perhaps Brian Conroy gave him a lift in the van. After a mile he looked like he was going to leave the group and head off up the road after Sergiu. Then we took the first of four left hand turns and he fell back.

6. Sound of Mike

I think that when you run with someone a lot you being to know their sound. I could tell the sound of Michael Herlihy running a mile off. It’s very handy to know this when you are trying to drop him two miles into a four mile race. As we made the second of four left hand turns the sound of Mike disappeared.

7. Lesser of Two Evils

I think that sometimes you have to pick the best of two bad options. Between the second and third mile I was left with the choice between drag James McCarthy around to the finish or slow down and let Michael Herlihy regain contact. It was a simple choice.

8. Fourth and Final Left

I think that the last mile was very tough. I had already resigned myself to defeat by both Sergiu and James but I knew that staying ahead of James for as long as possible was the key to beating Michael Herlihy. It wasn’t until we could see the pop up races finishing gantry that James gradually eased by. There was no sound of a laughing Michael Herlihy closing in terminator style but as you can never be sure I sprinted as hard as I could to stay as close to James as possible.

9. Twenty Seconds

I think that I will have to beat James McCarthy on the road before the summer is out. In the last three four mile races he has beaten me by a sum total of twenty seconds which is nearly the same amount seconds that I beat Michael Herlihy by in this race.

10. Wardrobe Malfunction

I think that I will have to use the finish line photo that Graham took for Instagram to try and convince Asics of the need to sponsor me. The photo shows how well the Asics singlet fits men with long torsos like me. I’m sure that people will be queuing up in Lifestyle sports to buy them after seeing it scrunched up like a toga showing off my belly. Why wouldn’t a brand want to be associated with the 3rd place finisher in the Grange Fermoy 4 Mile.

GNI Cork BHAA 5K 2023

10 Things I Think About The GNI Cork BHAA 5k

1. Ryanair

I think that it is amazing what a free long sleeve t-shirt will do for race numbers. David McWilliams could do a podcast on the economics of the Cork BHAA. 750 people paying €5 makes more money than a race with 200 people charging €15. Assuming a lot of the costs are fixed then maybe there is room for a Ryanair in road races, so long as they can find a source for cheap long sleeve t-shirts that look fabulous.

2. Breakfast Cereal Box

I think that my favourite thing about the race last night was the race number. I was a little late registering for the race in order to guarantee that I didn’t get another race t-shirt to add to the mountain that I have collected over the years. Owing to the popularity of the long sleeve t-shirt the numbers with chips had run out so I was given my number handwritten on a piece of thick cardboard jaggedly torn from possibly a breakfast cereal box. It was quite difficult to get the safety pins through the cardboard but once installed it was far more comfortable and less annoying than the huge numbers with the chips on them.

3. Very Rare

I think that you know you have great fashion sense when people start to copy you. Pat O’Connor turned up for the race in exactly the same outfit, red singlet, blue shorts, pink and yellow Vaporfly 3s and Garmin watch. It is very rare to see this level of excellent fashion sense, normally only high-level influencers like myself can select such an excellent combination of colours.

4. Get Back

I think that there was a little difficulty with getting everyone behind the startline because of the popularity of the long sleeve t-shirt. It’s very difficult to move a large crowd of people backwards, I think you have to start at the back as there is no point telling the people at the front to move back as they’ve nowhere to go and the people at the back can’t hear you shouting at the people at the front. We could have asked Lizzie Lee to project manage the movement of people back behind the line, I’m certain this would have worked. Technically the first five rows of the race should be disqualified but sure it’s only a road race and when your race number is a piece of a cardboard box there’s no point in getting upset about small details.

5. Stay Upright

I think that people are too worried about getting out fast at the start of a 5k. The start of a 5k is definitely the least important part of the race. There is no need for the mad sprint off the line, it’s a very long race. My main concern for the first 100m was staying upright which was surprisingly easy once I navigated my way around Lizzie. Then I saw Viv and John Meade up ahead so I aimed for them.

6. Patience

I think that the most important thing in a 5k is to be patient during the first mile. After about 800m I found myself at the back of a nice group containing Viv, John Meade, Barry Twohig and Aidan. Viv was at the front which made him very uncomfortable, he kept looking around like as if there was something inherently wrong with him having to run into the wind. I stayed right at the back of the group entertained by Viv running while looking behind himself and patiently waited for us to reach the roundabout when the wind would be at our backs.

7. Perfection

I think that you couldn’t have created better conditions for a 5k if you had a magical weather machine. It was perfect a cross headwind for the first mile which was almost fully sheltered followed by two miles with the wind at your back. Even the temperatures were perfect. Once we reached the roundabout I took command of the Viv group and went at my absolute maximum top speed of 5:00 minutes per mile.

8. Merciless Meade

I think that John Meade’s performances have become very inconsistent. I am now 100% guaranteed to beat him 50% of the time. Unfortunately, a 5k down the Marina is where John Meade is at his best. When we turned left at the Marquee John Meade appeared on my left shoulder looking like real John Meade. I made one last attempt to keep him behind on the slight incline back to the Marina but as we rounded the right-hand potholed corner for the extremely long run for home he flew past with Viv on his back.

9. D’une Autre Planete

I think that if L’Equipe covered Cork BHAA races then the front page would have a picture of Viv rather than poor Jonas Vingegaard. Anyone who has watched Viv in action knows how impressive a sight it is to see him in full flow at the end of a race. What he did in the last 800m of this race was other worldly, he glided by John Meade, dispatched the Canadian Kerryman, before silently sailing by Tom McKenzie all in an effortless two minutes.

10. Great PB by Me*

I think that despite the terrible defeat by both Viv and John Meade it was possibly a great PB by me. I’m unsure if it is my fastest time over the distance of approximately 5K but as any good influencer knows it’s not what you’ve actually done, it’s what people think you have done, that’s what’s important. Influencers make their own PBs, anyway I prefer to focus on beating people and on that front it was definitely not a PB.

Photo: Garry Lee

Tracton A.C 4 Mile 2023

10 Things I Think About The Tracton A.C 4 Mile

1. Old Houses

I think that my second time in Tracton was a little bit more adrenaline filled than the first time. My only previous visit to Tracton was to a talk on old country houses that John Meade suggested that we go to, I think Conor McCauley came too. I remember thinking that this would be a great place for a road race with it’s nice warm up track and hilly quiet roads. I was right.

2. Last Call

I think that they should put a warning on the poster about how long it takes to get to the start. I was late as usual but due to the kilometre long ascent to the start I was extra late. At 10 to eight I was installing my magic shoes when I heard “last call for runners” about five times before I finally got my shoes on and began the ascent to the start. As I had magic shoes on, I made it in plenty time and was well warmed up by the hill.

3. Meet me at the Crossroads

I think that there was an excellent collection of people that I would like to beat at the race. It was as if I hand picked them. Viv, Jeremy, Barry Twohig, Mark Walsh, John Meade and a foreign invader from West Limerick Karl Lenihan. It is highly unusual to have such a bunch so I was equally terrified and motivated.

4. Barry Induced Misery

I think that Barry Twohig made the race horrible for everyone. Tracton is a terribly hilly place, the perfect place for making your legs hurt, which is exactly what Barry did to us all in the first mile. I haven’t felt that burn in my quads since I was on a bike trying to take some Strava KOM in the middle of nowhere. I knew that everyone else was probably feeling something similar so when we got to the top of the many small hills in the first mile I pushed the descent to make it extra miserable for everyone. Misery after a mile of a four road race mile race is wonderful one of life’s great pleasures.

5. Headwind Checkout

I think that I probably shouldn’t have jumped out of the way when we hit an unexpected headwind during the second mile. I had no real idea of the course so when we started a descent after the first mile I mistakenly thought that the hills might be over. I tried to use my significant size advantage on the downhill by pushing the pace, unfortunately there was a terrible headwind, the sort of headwind where Viv tucks in behind you like a small truck following a big truck on a motorway. I have become intolerant of this tactic so the minute I thought it was happening I just stopped and let them all go past. I might have done it a bit too suddenly as I nearly took poor Barry out of it.

6. 3,2,1

I think that my favourite part of the race was the civilised bit of mile two where hostilities ceased, and we ran as a nice co-operative bunch. It would have made an excellent photograph with everyone in their respective club singlets but as it occurred briefly in the middle of nowhere that wasn’t possible, at the front you had Jeremy, Mark and Viv in a row of three with, John Meade and Barry forming a two-man row providing 100% shelter for me in the Kipchoge position. Hostilities resumed pretty quickly.

7. Don’t Torment the Viv

I think that one of my favourite things to do in a race is to torment Viv. As we approached the start of the descent from two miles of climbing, I left my Kipchoge position and went up to Viv’s left shoulder just behind Mark Walsh. I made a few fake little surges to torment him before going as fast as I could down the hill. I thought that this would be fast enough to be in the lead but Mark Walsh is better than me in general so I followed him instead which was fine as I didn’t expect to beat Mark.

8. The View from Fourth

I think that there might have been a nice view of the sea and a ship at the top of the hill, John Meade told me there was after the race, I saw nothing only Mark Walsh’s black Vaporfly 2s. It is interesting that running downhill can be just as miserable as running uphill if you do it right. I suffered greatly from mile two to three trying to hang onto Mark, never thinking that I might beat him, just knowing that it was my best hope of beating everyone else.

9. The Fear

I think that I know what it must be like to be a youthful antelope being chased by a pack of old vicious lions after the last mile of Tracton. It was terrifying, I got to the third mile just a bit off Mark in second place only to soon hear the light breathing of Viv on my shoulder. It was only Viv at least. The fourth mile seemed never ending with that long straight which looks like it should be the finish but isn’t. I got to the second last corner just behind Viv but as he is extremely motivated by beating me the gap was forced open and I began to worry about ending up fourth or maybe worse.

10. Photos, Food and Prizes

I think that I did an excellent finish to hold onto third. The finishing photos are excellent as you can see an out of focus John Meade behind me horrified with what is unfolding in front of him. The best thing about finishing third is all the photos that must be taken of the all-important top 3, there is nothing worse than being fourth like John Meade when the photographer asks can I have 1,2 and 3 over here like no one else matters. After the many photos, a warm down along a nice river path with Viv and some of the plentiful food we had more photos and prizes on the stage which was great, just like the race, great.

Photo: Garry lee

Mooreabbey Milers 10 Mile 2023

10 Things I Think About The Mooreabbey Milers 10 Mile

1. Climate Change

I think that it was nice of the climate change to give us a chance to run in Galbally with sub 20 degree temperatures. Sunday was a more normal day in Galbally than last year with the mountains closer than normal which indicates the chance of a shower as far as I can remember.

2. Real John Meade

I think it was great that the real John Meade showed up in Galbally. The fake John Meade from a week or two ago must have gotten the road or perhaps retraining. Real John Meade was up to his usual tricks only appearing on the line with no open lines of communication up to the race. At least Michael McMahon will tell you he is turning up.

3. Mass

I think that the delayed start due to Mass was very nice. It was a very pleasant morning in Galbally and no one minded waiting a few minutes for the mass crowd to clear. It must have been a very quick mass as mass started at 1030 and the race started at 11. It only took a few minutes, so we stood in the sunshine underneath the Galtees and discussed mass and the increasing attendances at mass which I found surprising.

4. Draggy

I think that the main word that you could use to describe the course in Galbally is draggy. It is a remarkable 10 mile course as aside from the last two miles it offers the unique sensation of running almost completely uphill for 8 miles. It is relentless and much easier to run in a group. Thankfully unlike last year in the scorching heat I had the pleasure of being in the front group of three, myself, real John Meade and Michael McMahon.

5. George Ezra

I think that more races need a man in a van with a microphone, a Spotify playlist and a speaker. We had a quiet first few miles running along the uphill road towards Tipperary before turning off for Garryspillane. We were led by a nice fancy yellow jeep supplied by Hinchy’s but also followed by the louder more musical commentary van which was playing the floating role. The first tune we were treated to after about 4 miles was Shotgun which was rather apt as I was sitting right behind John Meade and Michael McMahon happy out.

6. Adidas vs Nike

I think that as races go this was one of the most enjoyable ones I’ve run. We took turns with the pace and apart from clipping Michael McMahon about 10 times due to his flailing Adidas Pro 2 shoes flicking my thigh we had no disagreements. The only real drama was when Michael took a left hand turn a bit too tight. He slipped but due to the Continental grip of his Adidas shoes and his fantastic trail running skills he stayed upright and we continued on our way.

7. Stop The World and Let Me Off (Remix)

I think that John Meade and Michael McMahon don't like country music. As we approached the 8 mile marker our friend in the musical van appeared behind us speakers blaring Declan Nearney’s classic Stop The World and Let Me Off. The Remix. There was a noticeable lull in the performance of the two lads possibly due to the tune so I took my chance and attempted to open a gap up the last of the inclines on the course. A gap was achieved by the time we reached the left turn back to Galbally. I wasn’t confident that it would be enough.

8. You’ll Never Walk Alone

I think that this was the first race where I have spent a portion of the race singing “You’ll Never Walk Alone” while holding hands with John Meade. The man in the musical van possibly realizing that I was gaining an advantage turned up the adrenaline by changing tunes. It is a terrible pity that it wasn’t filmed as I’m sure it looked bizarre, three lads running along a country road to, You’ll Never Walk Alone. It certainly resulted in a quickening of the pace but it also restored the health of the two lads who were full of running again having looked weak on the hill.

9. Anaerobic Power

I think that I hadn’t a hope in the end. I got to just beyond 9 miles before the first attack occurred. It was launched by Michael McMahon and was particularly vicious. At this point the music van had disappeared up the road to get in position for finish line commentary. Michael got a small gap on myself and John but it was still catchable. Myself and John worked hard down that last hill. As we reached the speed bumps on the way into Galbally we were both gasping for air and it looked like Michael McMahon would just be out of reach. Then from nowhere and without oxygen John Meade launched after Michael McMahon leaving me in a firm definite third.

10. Podium

I think that it is a pity that John Meade didn’t catch Michael McMahon on the line. It was the most incredible sprint I have ever seen, it’s just a pity that it served no purpose other than making excellent photos and videos. After some famous Galbally ice, interviews, a warm down and excellent refreshments in the hall we were summoned outside to the real podium under the Galtees where unfortunately or fortunately there was no final rendition of You’ll Never Walk Alone.

Corkbeg 4 Mile 2023

10 Things I Think About The Corkbeg 4 Mile 2023

1. Another Day Another Race

I think that it is interesting how amazing people find it to do two races in a row. Don’t worry I don’t think it is clever or the best way to get better at running. I just enjoy running races and it doesn’t appear to be causing any terrible injuries, yet. I did enough training during the lockdowns to know that training isn’t going to turn me into an elite athlete so I might as well just do what I enjoy while waiting for the next generation of magic shoes to arrive and improve my times.

2. November Rain

I think that it is amazing how few races are run in the rain. For all the whinging we do about the weather invariably it doesn’t rain during road races. The Thursday night of Corkbeg was a different matter, it was a terrible day, the sort of day that you start to think they might cancel the race. Then you remember that it is being organised by East Cork A.C and realise that it will be on no matter how bad it gets.

3. Efficiency

I think that Corkbeg must be the most efficient road race I have ever run. There is minimal fuss, hand over €5 get your number jog up the hill to the start, run the race, collect your prize and go home. Fantastic. Nick O’Donoghue told me at the start that it was preferable that we all left as soon as possible after the race. I am very much in favour of this style of race.

4. The Tourmalet

I think that the Corkbeg 4 mile route is unique in that the hardest part of the race route is the jog up to the start. You’d want to leave a good 10 minutes to get up to the start from the village as it is a very steep hill. I had some difficulty taking off my wet non-magic shoes so I was one of the last people to leave the village. It was only when I overtook Denis McCarthy on the jog up the mountain that I was sure that they wouldn’t start with out me.

5. Doomsday Siren

I think that this is the only race I have run where you get to hear what sounds like an air raid siren just after the start. They must test the power station alarm at 8pm every Thursday as just after we started it sounded like the world was ending. It is a particularly ominous sound. It was a little off putting as for a moment you think what would we actually do if there was an actual alarm during the race. Would we just keep on running until we got to Midleton?

6. The Coffee Trio

I think that we had a nice group of three at the front of the race. Once the doomsday siren had finished it was just myself, James McCarthy and Nathan O’Leary chasing the excellently driven and pleasantly smelling Rooskagh Coffee van around the roads of Whitegate. Our pursuit of the coffee van was aided by a warm tailwind which almost entirely negated the uphill start.

7. Break the Tape

I think that when you are in a race it is always a good idea to check the legs of your competitors for signs of weakness or KT tape. After about a mile I spotted the tape on James McCarthy’s inner hamstring, cleverly he had used skin colour tape so it was difficult to spot. As I have had ever niggle known to man I knew exactly where he was vulnerable with that particular niggle, downhills would not be James’s friend. Unfortunately for James, the Corkbeg route has lots of downhills so myself and Nate made it good and difficult for him.

8. Corners

I think that KT tape must be magic stuff as there was no shedding James on the downhills. Just before 3 miles we encountered my great weakness sharp left hand corners. I led into the corner overshot the exit and lost the ground that I would never make up. James and Nate accelerated out of the corner up the gradual incline to the next sharp right hand turn and took off down the hill to Whitegate with a gap that I couldn’t and wouldn't close.

9. Roadworks

I think that if I had of gotten to the roadworks in Whitegate in contact with James and Nate I might have finished third in a slightly faster time. Once we turned right at the roadworks we turned into a strong headwind. Nate leading James into the wind, I closed the gap slightly as Nate tried to get James to come through but as we approached Donie and Con with about 150m to go the sprint began and my involvement in the race ended. I did however get to see James dance past Nate with 50m to go to win. I ran home in third which meant a prize. I like prizes.

10. Perfection

I think that the prizes in Corkbeg are wonderful. It is a proper old style race. Once we crossed there was ample water for everyone, anyone who won a prize was instructed to return to the school to collect it immediately so everyone could go home and dry off. First prize was a suitcase which looked excellent, second was a fan which would be very handy during these climate change warmed nights and my reward for third was a kettle which we will use as a travel kettle as you can’t trust the kettles in hotels. Old style road races are best.

Sterling 5K Cork BHAA 2023

10 Things I Think About The Sterling 5K

1. New Name Same Race

I think that it is interesting how the races in the BHAA change over the years. Novartis is no more replaced by Sterling. I would love to try and organise a race at work to add a new name to the list but I think I am currently not able for the stress. I will some day hopefully.

2. This Might Be The Night

I think that it is a bad sign when you are relying on other people not showing up in order to win but in my case in the absence of training properly it is the only way. I thought that this might be the night as there was a great PB by me race on in Dundrum that people were willing to drive miles to and the Novartis I mean Sterling route is the opposite of a great PB by me route. Unfortunately when I was driving in to the plant I saw Barry Twohig and then on the warm up Mark Walsh hopped out of a bush.

3. Green and Blue

I think that green is one of the better colours for a singlet. There aren’t usually many green singlets but for some reason there were lots of them on the start line for this race. I nearly made a photo of four green singlets but realised that I wasn’t actually wanted in the photo. Worryingly two of the green singlets were An Riocht singlets from Kerry. Kerry people usually don’t come to Cork unless they mean business.

4. The Bus

I think that we almost spent as much time on the start line as we did running the race. There was a very good atmosphere at the start so no one cared. I particularly liked the false start that made me jump. Then a bus turned up and we all had to get off to let the bus pass. We were offered the opportunity to get on the bus if we changed our mind about doing the race but no one took up the offer.

5. Off The Mark

I think that I got off the line particularly well but that was about as good as the race got. Normally when you feel good for the first 50m it bodes well for the rest of the race but after 50m I was passed by Mark Walsh, A Kerryman and Barry Twohig. I don’t know why I let them get a little gap but I did and that was a big mistake.

6. Hanging on Like a Yo-Yo

I think that it is amazing how much easier it is to run in a group of three than a group of one. Mark, Barry and the Kerryman had a lovely group for the second and third kilometre which were uphill into the wind past Pfizer and Biomarin. I was stuck as an independent contractor labouring into the wind wishing that I could swap places with Barry Twohig who was cleverly sitting in the quarterback position behind Mark and the Kerryman.

7. Not The Kerry BHAA

I think that Kerry people shouldn’t be allowed to run in the Cork BHAA. It is very disruptive when they turn up. The Kerryman changed the race completely. If the Kerryman had stayed in Kerry them I’m sure that I would have had an easier race running with Mark and Barry good Cork runners. Mark was clearly determined not to take any chances with a sprint finish with an unknown Kerryman and by the time we began the descent after the chicane at the top of the hill he had opened a gap over Barry and the Kerryman.

8. Hope

I think there is a reason why in track races they never pan back to the people that have been dropped from the front group. If you get dropped from a group in a race, 99% of the time you are done and aren’t coming back. As I began the descent after the chicane at the top of the hill I thought that I might be that 1% of the time. I closed the gap to the Kerryman and as we passed the 4km marker I was right on his tail. Barry was just ahead of the Kerryman with Mark up the road probably thinking about using the John Buckley Sports voucher he was about to win on upgrading from his Sports Direct shorts.

9. Cruel Hill

I think that the last hill on this route makes it one of the most difficult 5k routes around. As we swung left and began our ascent up to the finish I thought I had some chance of a podium but Barry and the Kerryman took off undoing all the good work I had done on the downhill. Barry did well to hold off the fast finishing Kerryman with Mark Walsh well clear in first. I had to watch the clock tick over the magically 16 minute barrier and continue on for quite a few seconds afterwards.

10. First Influencer

I think that this race might have had the best prize giving ever for a BHAA race. It was magnificently efficient, so efficient that I nearly missed it. I’m glad I didn’t miss it as not only did they have an excellent prize for 4th of some cash and a John Buckley Sports voucher I got to do a proper entrance with excellent applause which Mark Walsh said was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever seen considering I’d finished fourth. Mark will have to work on his influencer game. It’s not about winning, it’s about influencing, that’s what sport is about.

Achill Half Marathon 2023

10 Things I Think About the Achill Half Marathon

1. Banshees of Inisherin

I think that the Banshees of Inisherin, Achill Half Marathon and running go well together. The film sells Achill and the half marathon brilliantly while also perfectly describing most male running friendships. I have never driven anyone, not even John Meade or Michael Herlihy to cutting their fingers off but I could imagine how that would happen if we were stuck on Achill Island and couldn’t find anyone else to run with.

2. The Cold Queue

I think that they will need to build a few more hotels on Achill after the film. We had to stay in Westport and drive up on the morning of the race as everything was booked up. Westport is only an hour from Achill so it’s fine as the race doesn’t start until 1030am. The parking is excellent as there are acres of sand dunes to park on. I left Rhona to join the short queue of people complaining about the cold while I ran up the hill to the Beehive Cafe for a warmup and to use the toilet for which there was no queue.

3. What About Tubridy?

I think that Brendan Courtney nearly caused me an injury at the start. I didn’t realize he was going to start the race and was distracted thinking wouldn’t it be very funny if I went up to him and said something about Tubridy to him. While I was picturing it in my head how funny it would be, the race started. Tudor and two other fellas took off up the road and I was left standing on the line thinking about Tubridy.

4. Same as Last Year Please

I think it was terrible that Gary O’Hanlon didn’t tell Tudor to take it handy like we did last year. I was hoping for a lovely run around Achill again at a civilized pace. Instead, this year we took off like uncivilized lunatics. I looked down at my watch after a kilometer and saw 5:08 minute mile pace with three lads a good bit ahead. “Do they know the course at all?” I thought. I kept going just in case they’d back off after a mile but they didn’t so I calmed down and decided they were gone mad and would pay the price later.

5. Wind, Wind and More Wind

I think that there is a special type of wind on Achill Island, on the drive over I noticed that the trees kind of face back towards the mainland like as if they would leave and walk away if they hadn’t roots. We had the wind at our backs for the first five miles which was negated by the huge hill we had to run up. They when we turned at what used to be a chipper at the bottom of the hill, we turned into a vicious headwind for the remained of the route back to the finish. It would have been fine if it had of been a civilized pace like last year but this year I was left solo in fourth to battle the wind.

6. The Field

I think that it was inevitable that an American would turn up after the success of the film. Once we turned into the wind Tudor and a guy in purple who I had never seen before were gone into the distance with the prize money for first and second. Between me and the only remaining prize money for third was what I correctly assumed was an American mainly because of his New Balance singlet which looked American.

7. Money, Money, Money

I think this is one of the few races I have run where I can honestly say that my primary motivation during the race was money. There is very good prize money in Achill, €450 for 1st, €250 for 2nd and €150 for 3rd but nothing for 4th. Unfortunately, after 7 miles of hard work I found myself in 4th unable to get within 50m of the American who was firmly in possession of my €150. Slowly but surely, I reeled him in by using my course knowledge from the previous year and my superior wind running ability. By mile 8 I had caught him and went to go by on the windiest section. He immediately tucked in behind which I was having none of, so we slowed down together to near walking pace and talked. I persuaded him to take turns, 6 telephone poles on and 6 off so we did.

8. Decisive Doogort

I think that I was particularly worried about the American stealing my money. He seemed very comfortable and looked like he was just out for a steady long run as he wasn’t breathing particularly hard and he had the efficient stride of a 1500m runner. I thought about telling him that I am a poor Irishman and that I need the money to buy my family potatoes so that he might let me come third. Thankfully before I had to resort to such tactics I was able to get a small gap on the steep climb out of Doogort. Now all I had to do was maintain the gap and I’d have my money.

9. Feed The Gap

I think that I was probably too worried about the €150. I spent from mile 9 to the finish terrified that the American was right on my back following me up every little climb. I was convinced that he was right behind me as I could hear footsteps right behind. As we passed the sign for the Deserted Village I counted the seconds between my passing and the next clap from the inhabitants of the nearby village, there was no gap so I assumed he was right on my back. Never look back though that would only give him confidence and I’d lose the money in the inevitable sprint against the powerful looking American 1500m runner.

10. Socks and Sandals

I think that it is amazing the power of the mind. I knew I needed a good gap on the American by the top of the last hill with a mile to go as during our brief exchange while we discussed cooperation, he said that he was very good at downhills. When I reached the top of the hill I could still hear footsteps so I pushed as hard as I could down the hill to the beach and onto the smooth tarmac of the finishing straight. I sprinted as hard as I could while asking the confused looking onlookers how much of a gap I had. No one would tell me. I got to the line in 3rd in the money and very happy. Then I waited for the American who I expected to be right behind but wasn’t. Was it an imaginary American? He turned up two minutes later, he’d cramped up as soon as I’d passed him and jogged home. Ah well, at least I got a decent time from it and most importantly €150.

Cloyne 5k 2023

10 Things I Think About The Cloyne 5k

1. Running with the East Corkonians

I think that East Cork is like the Rift Valley of Ireland. There must be something about the terrain, the way they resurface the roads or the potatoes that they eat that makes them so good. Cloyne is like Eldoret, the gateway to the centre of running excellence, they should almost put up a sign.

2. Shakeout

I think that the most important thing to do when you are doing back to back races is to do a short run the day of the second race to check for any problems. Due to magic shoes problems tend to be very obvious so if there is no pain then it’s good to go for the race. That’s my method anyway. Like an early warm up.

3. Playground

I think that a playground is an excellent place to park for a race. As we arrived into Cloyne I spotted the playground opposite the field where the County Senior XC was on years ago when I used to run well for Togher. We parked up but Billy had fallen asleep so there was no need for a playground, I left the car there anyway incase he awakened which he didn’t. It was about a mile to the start which was an imperfect warm up.

4. Winding Down

I think that when your great running career is winding down like mine, it is perfectly acceptable to do back to back races and not take running too seriously. I’m hoping that the winding down process will be longer than my actual running career as I prefer not worrying than trying to be excellent. Due to magic shoes the winding down period seems to be better than the actual career period.

5. Pacing

I think that I actually considered Lizzie’s incredibly generous offer to let me pace her for the course record. I am an excellent pacer and my services are frequently requested. I thought about it briefly and then decided no I’ll try and beat Heywood instead as he was due a beating after Cobh.

6. Harty

I think that Michael Harty ruined my race. We lined up about a mile outside Cloyne on a a backroad to a backroad with a unique road surface. Michael Harty took off and took James Hayes and Tony Forristal away from me. I took a while to get going owing to the previous nights race so I ended up dangling 5 seconds behind in no mans land. At least I had good sight of the random road surface.

7. Triggers Broom

I think that the road surface in Cloyne is amazing. I can’t believe that Michael Harty hasn’t written a daily letter to the local TD looking for a Vienna style smooth tarmac surface. It’s an extraordinary surface that would have required less tarmac to resurface properly once than to individually fill in each pothole numerous times. It does however provide a certain character to the race, it almost wouldn’t be as good without it.

8. Peter The Monster

I think that it was great to finally race Peter Hanrahan. He appeared on my shoulder just after a mile. Initially I feared it was Heywood then I realised that he was taller than me so that could only be Peter. Racing Peter is odd as I almost wanted him to beat me. Unfortunately our spell together ended after 2 miles and I was left to pointlessly chase James Hayes on my own.

9. Photos

I think that I was focused on the wrong thing for the last 200m. Donie was standing at the 3 mile mark, as I passed him he said 32 seconds to go sub 16. I knew however that Garry Lee was standing between 3 miles and 5k and as I was solo in 5th it was the perfect opportunity for lots of excellent photos. I didn’t get sub 16 but I did get 10 excellent sequential photos of my biomechanical brilliance.

10. The Aftermath

I think that as I get older my immediate concern after every race is to check for any injuries. There are a couple things that you can do to avoid injury. Don’t sit on steps as this causes calf cramping, don’t pick up a heavy toddler either as this can cause back and glute injuries. The best thing to do as in Cloyne is to keep standing and walking and talk about how disappointed you are not to have run a great PB by me with the other people who are similarly disappointed.

DePuy Synthes Cork BHAA 4 Mile 2023

10 Things I Think About The DePuy Synthes Cork BHAA 4 Mile

 1. Variation on a Theme

I think that it is interesting how courses change over the years. The new park in Haulbowline has changed all the races in Ringaskiddy. There was never a flat race in Ringskiddy before now, they all always had huge big climbs up towards Carrigaline. Now we have nice flat courses which should in theory be perfect for great PBs by me.

 2. Dilution

I think that the number of races is leading to a dilution of numbers. Normal people like John Meade only do one race a week so when there’s a race on every night of the week except Tuesday the potential for beating people and tormenting people is severely reduced. It’s possibly time to introduce mandatory racing, like how the GAA would turn up at your house and drag you out the door to play an U16 match in Banogue.

3. Chronic Lateness

I think the problem with doing lots of races is that you begin not to worry about being on time and get used to turning up twenty minutes beforehand and doing a mile warm up. When I arrived in Ringaskiddy I spotted the perfect parking spot right opposite the finish, all I had to do was move a questionably placed cone, the sort of cone that if you move it doesn’t make any difference and no one will notice as it’s the last cone.

4. Wednesday Evening Quarterback

I think that I couldn’t have asked for a better group to run with in the race that John Meade and James McCarthy. Two classic BHAA runners, ever present since about 2008, always consistent. From the off I sat in behind them like quarterback perfectly protected from the directionless wind.

5. Wind Turbine

I think that there was a mysterious wind blowing in Ringaskiddy on Wednesday night. It was all over the place, I tried to figure out the direction by looking at the wind turbines but it seemed to be changing all of the time. It was particularly noticeable as we went over the bridge towards the naval base. I can’t imagine what running around the park would be like on windy day as it was bad enough on a calm evening.

6. Fake John Meade

I think that John Meade must have body doubles like Vladimir Putin it is the only way he could maintain his schedule. The double that turned up on Wednesday night was definitely a Fake John Meade. It must be a new double who is only being trained in as after only two miles it was malfunctioning and making unusual noises. The noises were so unusual that I got distracted and James McCarthy nearly got away. Fortunately I realised that it was a Fake John Meade and overtook it and hopped onto the back of James.

7. Running Royalty

I think that I’d be better off if I didn’t know the history of James McCarthy. I definitely had too much respect for him on Wednesday, I was almost afraid of him. Ever since I started running way back in about 2008 James has always been winning, it was always either him or Sean McGrath. It feels odd to be following him in a race, so odd that it seems like I’d be doing something wrong to overtake him.

8. Headwind

I think that any chance of a great PB by me was ended by the directionless wind that managed to turn into a vicious headwind for the return to Ringaskiddy. As we passed the three-mile marker fake John Meade had been well dropped and was at risk of being caught for fourth. I was sitting behind James McCarthy in second not really believing what was happening. When we hit the headwind, James being the canny experienced winner that he is let me burn myself out into the wind before gradually slowly but surely picking up the pace until a tiny gap opened between us.

 9. Chimp Paradox

I think that I will have to go and spend money on a sports psychologist. I am useless at winning. I am forever finishing second or third or fourth. It must be confidence as I’m nearly there, it can’t be over racing or bad training or whatever other things that you can do wrong as a runner. If I had the correct sports psychology I’d have dug deep and overhauled James McCarthy in the last 400m before raising my hands like the fake John Meade had been trained to do. Instead I stayed three seconds behind James happy out to have beaten fake John Meade and come second instead of third.

10. John Buckley Sports Power Rankings

I think that there should be a new high performance ranking system for cork running. It should be based on the value of John Buckley sports vouchers you have collected over the course of a calendar year. It’s the perfect system as it accounts for consistency, performance and it’s even age graded. Current leaders would likely be Alfie Davis and John Meade. My new goal is to be top of the leaderboard by the end of the year. I reckon the lads have enough for a new pair of Vaporflys so I’ve a lot of catching up to do.

Coolagown 10k 2023

10 Things I Think About The Coolagown 10k

1. Anti-Hero

I think that I am officially the anti-hero to John Meade. This is certainly the case in places like Coolagown, where the appearance of John Meade is treated with great respect and reverence. I almost feel evil turning up to try and knock him off his perch.

2. The Search for John Meade

I think that it was unsurprising to arrive at the race and hear the commentator anticipating the arrival of the great John Meade. There was a hint of panic in the voice of the commentator as there had been no official sighting of the great man. Anthony Mannix had been seen but no John Meade. They continued to hope, Coolagown 10k wouldn’t be the same without John Meade would it.

3. Late On Two Fronts

I think that this is the first time that I have been late both entering and turning up for the race. I missed the online entry because I thought I’d already entered. The new Eventmaster system is a big problem when you enter as many races as I do because all the emails look the same and you can’t figure out what you’ve entered. Thankfully the race poster had a phone number, so I sent a message and was told to bring €15 to the tent which I did slightly after the 710pm cutoff for collection.

4. Normal People

I think that only John Meade would miss a race in Coolagown to make his acting debut in an opera in city hall. On the starting line the timing guy was trying to figure out who was present from last year. He called out my name and then looked for John Meade. I had been sent a message live from the stage/beach just before the race, so I was able to say “John Meade is not here he’s acting, no seriously, that’s what he’s doing, he’s acting”. Everyone agreed that this was a plausible explanation and off we went John Meadeless.  

5. Magic Singlet

I think that the next big break through in running will come from clothing. Shoes have become about as magic as is possible. The next revolution will be some sort of fabric that keeps your body temperature optimal while running. You can already buy a graphene singlet that is supposed to make you feel cold at any temperature below 18 degrees. I am not quite convinced of the technology to spend €200 on a singlet so I bought the nice Asics singlet with lots of tiny holes in it that I saw Sergiu wearing in Galbally last year instead. Magic singlet doesn’t quite have the same ring to it though, does it?

6. Commentary Van

I think that my favourite thing about this race apart from the absence of the new Paul Mescal was the commentary van. Dick O’Brien does a fabulous job reclining in the back of the van providing excellent commentary on the race from an entirely horizontal position. After the confusion with Nick O’Donoghue last year, I’m sure that he was absolutely certain of my name.

7. Silage Season

I think that the first mile of the race was very pleasant, we took off down the first of the two and a half downhill miles, myself and Anthony Mannix went to the front and after about a mile and a half we had opened a good gap on third according to Dick in the van. After about 2 miles we came to a junction where our rhythm was briefly interrupted by a convoy of silage wagons. I was quite happy to be still with Anthony as John Meade had already dispatched me by this time last year.

8. Water Barrels

I think that I did a good job of hanging onto Anthony Mannix, the magic shoes have resulted in closer racing as it is a lot easier than it used be to hang onto the back of someone. Despite my extra cooling singlet, I felt terrible and even had to take a water bottle after three miles. The water bottle setup was extremely excellent with barrels which had been cut in half just after the water station to throw your water bottle into. Cork City Marathon should ask the people of Coolagown for the patent for the design.

9. In the Name of the Father

I think it was probably inevitable that Dick would get my name wrong at some stage during the race. He might just be doing it to wind me up. After five miles myself and Anthony were still together as we turned right out onto the semi major road Dick announced; “Anthony Mannix closely followed by Tim Coakley”. I couldn’t let this one go so I shouted up at the van “Tim Coakley is my father”. “Donal is clearly not suffering too much as he was able to tell me that Tim Coakley is his father”. This was not true as I was suffering majorly to hang onto Anthony.

10. Same Ending Different Week

I think that what happened on the steep ramp back to the finish in the well kept village that is Coolagown was inevitable. I got to the left turn back up the hill on par with Anthony. As soon as we hit the short steep gradient Anthony put the hammer down and I was quickly dropped. There was nothing I could do, I am too big to go up a steep hill as quick as Anthony, it’s basic physics, it’s not over racing, it’s not imperfect training, it’s physics and talent. I tried to catch him on the short downhill to the finish but it was too late, second again for the second year in a row, a little bit quicker than last year at least, must have been the magic singlet. I‘ll try again next year. I’d never miss Coolagown.

Donoughmore 7 Mile 2023

10 Things I Think About The Donoughmore 7 Mile

1. UNESCO World Heritage Race

I think that running needs a system where great races like the Donoughmore 7 can be protected. It is one of the great races in Ireland if not the World. It is a special race with a great history, run on the same mad course every year. This was the 40th edition, it would be great if it could make it to 60 editions mainly so that I can run it when I am old and try to beat Billy in whatever new magic shoes exist by then.

2. The Cup

I think that it felt bad to remove the cup for winning last years race from the mantlepiece. You know that it was the first proper trophy that I have won because I took it straight in to have it engraved after the race last year and didn’t wait until the week before the race like a proper runner would do. I am insanely happy that my name is on the same trophy as Michael Herlihy primarily because I know that it torments him greatly. Hopefully in 3000 years the trophy will be found in some archaeological dig and the archaeologist will think that both these runners were of similar running ability. They might even put it in a museum.

3. Late

I think I might have run a bit better if it were not for my genetic lateness. I overdid the warmup a little and forgot that the start is a bit down the hill so I had limited time to put on my Vaporfly 3s which take ages to put on. You know you are very late when you meet Jerry Forde coming against you on the way down to the start. The race organizers in Donoughmore run a tight ship and rightly threatened to disqualify me for lateness but I appealed the decision and was let take up my rightful position on the front row beside Kieran McKeown and Barry Twohig.

4. Evan Checks Out

I think that Evan from Clonmel must run up and down that Mountain Road in Clonmel very often to be able to do what he did to the Donoughmore course. Evan was out of sight after 800m, gone into the distance never to be seen again. It was like he had some sort of cheat code that made the first two miles flat instead of the cruel gradient that the rest of us had to suffer on. He probably could have stopped for a cup of tea served in the excellent race mug halfway around and still have won by a minute. It was very impressive.

5. Did I Mention That I Won it Already

I think that we probably took it a bit too handy for the first mile. Michael Herlihy famously ran 4:50 for the first mile of Donoughmore when he won it like I won it last year. We were approximately a minute slower for the first mile this year. I could feel the marathon and the 5k in my legs immediately, so I was quite happy to warm up into the race gradually. There was a huge bunch of us jogging along after about 1km. Kieran McKeown said that everyone should continue to wait as I was going to go soon. “Sure I’ve already won it I don’t care what happens”. While everyone else was digesting my arrogance I ran off down the hill and got a small bit of a gap.

6. Unexpected Wind

I think that I might have come second if it were not for the terrible headwind we encountered when we turned sharp left onto the straight main road after two miles. My little effort on the downhill had cut the second place group down to five; myself Viv, Barry, Anthony Mannix and Brian Murphy. Viv must have known that I was going to try and sprint down the hill as the minute we turned the corner he went after me. I quickly realised that the wind was too strong and that the lads were just going to follow me down the hill if I tried so I pulled up and hopped in behind Viv which confused him immensely. He kept looking around as if what was happening was wrong or unfair and unjust.

7. Insurgency

I think that when you are trying to race Viv and Anthony Mannix on a course that finishes with a two mile climb you have to try some unusual tactics. I haven’t a hope of getting up a hill quicker than those two, they are like Pogacar and Vinegaard whereas I’m more of a rouleur. As a result, I had to try alternative methods, so I tried to tire them out on the downhill by tormenting them with little surges that they had to follow. Unfortunately, the only one I succeeded in getting rid of from the bunch with my surges was Brian Murphy.

8. Attaque de Barry

I think that Barry’s tactics in the race were almost as bad as mine. When we reached the iconic left hand turn that signifies the start of the two mile ascent to the finish at altitude in Donoughmore Barry launched a vicious stinging attack. It was a confident attack that I had no response to, even Viv and Anthony were left on their toes. I was never going to respond as I find that you are better off not attacking hills and running them at your own measured effort.

9. Neutralized by Viv

I think that it is almost impossible to beat Viv on a hill, Barry’s attack probably would have been decisive if it wasn’t for Viv who quickly neutralized it with some assistance from his climbing ally Anthony. The two mountain goats went straight past Barry who was clearly a bit demoralized by the failure of his attack. I just kept plugging away at the hill at my measured effort and soon enough I cruised past the neutralized Barry and reached the back of the two climbing specialists. I was delighted to see Viv look behind again clearly terrified.

10. Addicted to Progress

I think that the final finishing positions were inevitable. The last 400m of the race are particularly vicious and totally unsuitable for a big lump like me. Anthony Mannix got the better of the two mountain goats leaving Viv bewildered in third still looking behind terrified that I was about to sprint past. Barry completed a Stephen Roche like comeback and overhauled me at the last uphill chicane with 200m to go so I ended up 5th. Most importantly I managed to run a little bit faster than last year when I won, did I mention that I won it last year? That’s all you can really hope for anyway, to get a little bit faster every year on the same great course so that in 50 years’ time people will think that you were great at running.

Photo: mICK dOOLEY

Grant Thornton 5k 2023

10 Things I Think About The Grant Thornton 5k 2023

1. Japan

I think that it would be great if companies in Ireland took on the Japanese model and started professional running teams. It would be like how GAA players get given jobs to go training, it would revolutionize running in Ireland. In the meantime, we will have to make do with the Grant Thornton 5k and BHAA which while not revolutionizing running in Ireland, make it possible to run two races in a week which is also great.

2. Wet Bulb Temp

I think that it is extraordinary how little understanding there is of the effect of humidity on running. Running races from May until September in Ireland is almost completely pointless if your only indicator of performance is the time. The odd night will be fine and good for running but when it is like what it was like it was for this race with a wet bulb temperature of 19 degrees it is like running in pair of Nike Pegasus 34s and not Vaporfly 3s.

3. Kennedy Quay

I think that this is possibly the best of the many variations of the 5k routes around the Marina, it is definitely one of the more realistic ones as it has a bit of a hill and a few tight turns. It starts outside the Odlums building just after the deadly cycle lane where the cars shoot across without warning to go to the Marina Market. It runs down Centre Park Road up the Marina before doubling back around the Blackrock end of Pairc Ui Caoimh finishing outside Kennedy Park. It wouldn’t be a course for a great PB by me even without the humidity.

4. Squats and Lunges

I think that strength and conditioning and running are not the same sport. Strength and conditioning is in my unqualified opinion, optional for running. Before the race started Derval O’Rourke ran through a quick warm up routine which I was not able to do. I can’t do squats because it hurts my knees and lunges trigger off my patella tendon. I felt bad standing on the start line physically unable to participate in the warmup, so I talked to Tom about how we definitely weren’t going to run as fast as in the John Buckley 5k because of the humidity. The last warmup was waving your hands in the air so I did that one because my arms are perfect.

5. Ed Fitz

I think that a lead bicycle is the best way to ensure that your race route is followed perfectly. A lead bicycle piloted by an experienced runner guarantees that it will go perfectly. When the race got underway after about one kilometre it became clear that Ed Fitz would be observing a battle between myself and Tom for the glory and non-existent first place prize.

6. Thin Black Line

I think that the 1m wide smooth black tarmac line that has been installed down the Marina has made all the Marina courses quicker. We hit the strip of beautiful tarmac just after 2k. I had to tuck in behind Tom as the tarmac works very well with magic shoes and it is infinitely easier to run on it. We ran up towards Blackrock before turning right at the connection between the Line and the Marina that gives you 4.9 miles instead of 5 miles if doing the Blackrock loop.

7. Undulations

I think that who ever designed the new tarmac path that runs parallel to the Marina didn’t intend it to be used in a road race. It is a very unusual path. It is like halfway between steps and a ramp. It’s fine if you are going straight on like we did in the Marathon but in this race we turned sharp left. I was on the inside and did well to avoid clattering into Tom and had to do a weird pivot off my right leg that was a good test for my resiliency to stress fractures.

8. Impossible Position

I think that it would have been a better race if I didn’t know how good a runner Tom is. We were still side by side as we ran down Monaghan Road but I knew that I didn’t have a hope unless I could get rid of him before 4k. When we passed 4k together I resigned myself to the inevitable defeat and loss of glory and potential interview that might be on the radio or even better a podcast for everyone to hear.

9. Gradual Defeat

I think that it would be stretching it to call the finish a sprint finish. There must be a definition of a sprint finish like finishing within one second of each other. The gap ended up being 5 or 6 seconds which doesn’t count even if it looked good. I didn’t really put up a resistance mainly because Tom would just have gone quicker if I had, I was still a bit tired after the marathon and I was drenched from the humidity. Anyway, second place is my traditional finishing place in this race.

10. 6th Best Team

I think that it is great that there are no individual prizes in this race and just team prizes. I don’t understand why there are no individual prizes but sure why not? It is nice for one race to be entirely team based. The scoring is based on time unlike cross country which is different also, we ended up 6th so there was no repeat of trying to find a place for the trophy at reception. Irish Water won which was nice as they probably put the smooth tarmac strip down the Marina.

PHOTO: JOE MURPHY