Kinsale Regatta 5 Mile 2022

10 Things I Think About The Kinsale 5 Mile

1. Operation Quieten Viv

I think that it is a disgrace that Viv is making a show of all the very young runners like me. He’s only running 15:30 for 5k in magic shoes and winning by miles which is a desperate standard. When I found out that he was running Kinsale I had to go to see if I could quieten him.

2. Magic Roads

I think that Kinsale is very hard to get to. The roads don’t make any sense. There isn’t really any road to Kinsale just lots of roads that meet at deadly crossroads where you could easily be killed on your way to the race.

3. Toolbox

I think that there are very few things left in the toolbox for getting better at running. I could try training properly but then it would be really boring and I’d have to tell people that I’m training for a sub 2:30 marathon the whole time and never ever run a race for fear of missing a session. Instead I bought a pair of Asics Metaspeed Sky+. I was going to wear them as I thought they might be magic but I was terrified of being beaten by Jeremy if I didn’t have magic shoes so I didn’t.

4. Strategy

I think that I had a good strategy for the race. I had analysed Viv’s previous races where he had won easily, actually there was only one but he won easily. In that race he was allowed run slowly from the start and then pick it up for the last mile and destroy everyone. I figured it would be a good idea to make it as hard as possible from the start in the hope that he would be wrecked by the time he got to the last mile. Jeremy agreed that was a good plan and agreed to cooperate.

5. 4:56

I think that my plan would have been easier to execute if Gavin O’Rourke hadn’t shown up. While it made taking the race out at what I would call hard easier as we had someone to follow it also made me realise how terribly slow my version of hard is, even with a 4:56 mile Gavin was miles up the road. I was stuck with Jeremy and a hopefully suffering Viv.

6. 4:54

I think that the second mile of this race is completely mad. It is incredibly downhill, well there is one section that is almost vertical. I am exceptional at falling down hills so as soon as we got to this section I went for it. I managed to shed Jeremy but somehow Viv stuck to me like one of those limpets on a rock. We went so fast down the fall that we nearly caught up to Gavin.

7. Davide Rebellin

I think that the third mile of this race was incredible. It was horrible to come off the hill and suddenly meet gravity again. It felt like I was crawling along which I probably was. Viv came up beside me and then promptly danced off away from me. Gavin was a nice bit up the road but Viv continued to prance up to him effortlessly like one of those fellas from the early 2000s in the Tour De France.

8. Hometown Hero

I think that Jeremy was very happy to beat me badly in this race. The last time I saw him this happy was eating his Knickerbocker Glory the night before the Berlin Marathon. He was very clever and hung back on the crazy downhill and let me destroy myself trying to get rid of Viv. Then he caught me on the flat near the three mile mark and then dispatched me on the little hill on the way back into the town. At least it took a PB for him to beat me. It’s definitely a PB course for downhill PBs.

9. Cars into the Gap

I think that just letting Jeremy run away from me on the way back to Kinsale was a bit weak. Those first two miles destroyed my legs, I’m not able for that leg speed. Once Jeremy was gone I was mainly concerned about Fergus who I knew was thinking about beating Jeremy. I was able to relax when they started letting cars into the gap behind me. I knew this meant I was safe in 4th, my third consecutive 4th, my third consecutive race with no prize.

10. Outdoor Dining

I think that the finish of the race is pretty unique. All races should finish in the middle of town where people are sitting outside eating their Michelin Bib Gourmand dinners. When I got to the finish I expected Gavin to have sat behind Viv and kicked by in the last 400. But no Viv had dropped Gavin with a 4:50 last mile and won. I wonder did the outdoor diners realise that they were watching one of the best masters athletes in the world putting on an exhibition. An amazing performance.

Shanagarry 5 Mile 2017

10 Things I Think About The Shanagarry 5 Mile Road Race

1. Club Shades

I think that club sunglasses are a money making opportunity. Last night I wore yellow framed sunglasses I bought in Ale-Hop in Malaga for €10. They matched my Leevale singlet perfectly or so Donal Coffey tells me.

2. Mileage Matters

I think it's a sign of madness when you worry that your 2 mile warm up is going to affect your weekly mileage because you normally run 10 miles a day and 2+5+2.5=9.5. I did 3 for the warm down just in case Strava wasn't happy. I like smooth graphs.

3. Marathon

I think that a positive effect of the marathon is that I'm not scared of blowing up in a race. If I finished a marathon I can surely hang on for 30 minutes flat out no matter what the pace. The marathon is also an excellent excuse for everything. "Ah sure you're only after a marathon." "You can't be recovered"

4. Start

I think that the starts of Ballycotton races are perfect, no nonsense music or random speeches by the local bishop, just a gun and some paint on the road.

5. Aerodynamics

I think the Leevale singlet needs a mid season aerodynamic upgrade package. It's very flappy. It catches the wind, I blame it for at least 5 seconds. That and the big huge A4 number. There would be no sub two hour marathon run in a Leevale singlet with a Ballycotton number no matter how many Teslas you had in front of you.

6. Fight Night

I don't think I've ever had a mid race fight before. I had a minor disagreement with Kieran Mckeown. He had come down with a serious case of ancraophobia. I've never seen someone with such a bad case. He was so scared of it, he had to hide behind someone all the way, I seemed to be the preferred object to hide behind as I'm huge. I suppose the wind is kind of scary and I do provide excellent protection. I'm definitely not an ancraophobe.

7. The Diamond League

I think it's a bit ridiculous to be racing, surging and wheel sucking when you're running along in 5th to 10th place miles behind the leaders in a small road race in East Cork. The Diamond League it ain't. It is fun to pretend I suppose. I did lose the battle and end up 10th so I probably need to get clever at racing and not just tow everyone around sheltering behind me like a big wind breaking fool.

8. Insanity

I think road racing is a form of insanity. I've been running the Shanagarry 5M since 2009 and my times have been 28:30 +\- 30 seconds. That's a lot of training and mileage for the same statistical result. Statistically speaking there is no significant difference between 2009 and 2017. Ah well I suppose it's fun. Insanity generally is.

9. Ooooh Look at Him

I think I impressed the local kids with my shades. All I heard coming back into Shanagarry was "Ooooh, look at him" and "buzzzzz", I don't know if this was horror or admiration but I presume it was the lovely yellow sunglasses which were matching my singlet.

10. The Choke Tackle

I think my version of the choke tackle on Kieran McKeown immediately after the race was a bad idea. I was only messing. I hope it wasn't taken too seriously. It's only a race after all, a bit of stress relief. There are far far more important things.