10 Things I Think About Running

10 Things I Think About being bored the night before the Cork City Marathon

1. Weather

I'm very worried about the weather. The cork athletics website said there might be wind. I've never run in wind before, this will be very scary. To mitigate this risk I have shaved my legs so as to glide through the air like a formula one car.

2. Haircut

I got my pre-race haircut in C4. I just showed the barber a picture of my €55 haircut. It only cost €15. It's not quite the same. Douglas isn't Berlin.

3. Tapering

I absolutely detest tapering. It's terrible, you never feel tired, you can't eat as much food and you can't go for a second run in the evening. It's awful. Never again.

4. Weight

I think I'm too heavy. 80kg is too much, I was 78kg at the start of the week. Tapering is terrible. If I tapered every week I'd be 134kg by Christmas.

5. Height

I think I'm too tall to be any good at running. Unfortunately I can't lose height. Perhaps a vitamin shop in Cork might have a supplement that would help me lose height to improve my running.

6. Equipment

The shoes I'm wearing tomorrow are absolutely knackered but I don't want to risk a new pair. I've gone through approximately 12 pairs of the Brooks Ghost 7 and I'm down to the last one. The new model is the 9. I don't like change, I skipped the 8 entirely. I'm sure they'll survive one final run. The shoes have London 2012 on them, that was a long time ago. Why do they have to change the bloody models, it was fine, leave it alone.

7. Nutrition

I think my nutrition plan will be fine as it doesn't involve any nutrition. This is a good plan.

8. Hills

I've never run uphill in a marathon before as I've only ever run Berlin. This will be a new experience. I'm very worried as tall heavy objects don't travel well uphill.

9. Indefatigability

I have secured a lone of John Meade's indefatigability for Sunday. As a result I will spend the whole marathon effortlessly running 6 minute mile pace while telling interesting stories to anyone who happens to be running beside me.

10. Despacito

I do have a plan for the first three miles and that is to do them relatively slowly.