10 Things I Think About Running

10 Things I Think About The Churchtown South 5 Mile Road Race

1. Squalls of Fun

I think John Walshe forgot to pay the weather man. Normally the weather is perfect for the Ballycotton series. This evening we had squally schizophrenic weather. It didn't know what it was doing. Big black clouds, with howling wind followed by glorious sunshine then freezing cold. It wasn't very nice. It even rained, I haven't seen rain in a long time.

2. Tower of Power

I think I could patent my pre-race tower of power. It's made with bananas, peanut butter and rice cakes. The bananas are the pillars. The rice cakes are the floors and the peanut butter is the cement. The higher the tower the more energy you get. David Cody was very impressed that I could eat such a tall tower.

3. San Pellegrino

I think drinking San Pellegrino sparkling water every day has improved my performance. I saw Macron drinking it in the Netflix documentary. That means it must be good. French people normally don't drink Italian water. It's either that or the extra beer I've been drinking. Alcohol increases haemoglobin according to one study I read, perhaps I'm onto something.

4. Kauto Star

I think Seán Hehir running the Churchtown South 5 Mile Road Race a week before the World Championship is like Kauto Star turning up at the point to point in Kildorrery the week before Cheltenham. Just like Kauto Star he won at a canter. I could still see him after a mile so I suppose that means I'd probably be ok in the Bumper. Ah well every horse has his race.

5. Teachers

I think I'd be a better runner if I was a teacher. Before the race I had to work very hard doing particle size testing all day. I was very tired. Normally I just sit at my desk and write excellent reports. All the teachers were resting all day, they probably didn't get up before 12. This is very unfair. They shouldn't be allowed race in the summer as punishment. It's not fair. They all run fantastically in the summer, it's no coincidence. Teacher doping.

6. Wardrobe Malfunction

I think you should only ever wear sunglasses that you are willing to throw away in a race. This is why I don't wear Oakleys like everyone else. My ones cost €10, if it rains or you take a dislike to them midrace you can throw them away. Thankfully Mark Walsh was on hand to collect mine when it started raining before the start. You kind of need to be able to see when running on such a pothole riddled course. They had marked the potholes but this was like pointing out the acne on a teenager, it only made things worse.

7. Coffey vs Coakley IV

I think I really enjoy beating Donal Coffey in road races. I handed him an unmerciful beating again just like Millstreet. Revenge for last week when I was fat after holidays. I think the key is to get to the first mile marker ahead of him. He knows he's beaten then and gives up. I had to correct the commentators at the finish line though. They thought that I was Coffey. "Coakley not Coffey" I shouted. They were happy to make the correction. This made me happy.

8. Just for Men

I think Bryan Crowley has stepped up to the mark with his new haircut. I mean I veet my legs and get €55 haircuts in Berlin but Bryan's new haircut definitely cost more. Respect. Perhaps I'll have to get a similar job done. I wonder what colour I'll get. I like blonde. It might help my running. Blondes are normally faster. It would match my singlet too.

9. Rollercoaster Rainbow

I think that rollercoaster section between miles 1 and 2 is my favourite part of any road race in Cork. It suits me perfectly, a nice rolling road with the wind behind you. My big frame acts like a sail with the wind. We even had a rainbow to chase this evening. I like rainbows, they're pretty. It's a pity Gearóid Ó Laoi wasn't there to take a photo. I took a mental photo instead.

10. Lasagne

I think it was very kind of Donal Coffey to donate his prize to me as a house warming gift. I really needed that lasagne dish, set of drill bits and a fire blanket. I can't wait to use all three. I don't think he'd have donated it if it was cash.