10 Things I Think About Running

10 Things I Think About The Berlin Marathon 2019

1. Too Confident

I think that if I had a press conference before Berlin I’d have been like one of those boxers saying “I’m in the best shape of my life, I’ll definitely smash John, Donal and Conor’s P.Bs, definitely, and on a perfect day I’ll take Michael’s too”. Unlike the boxers I wouldn’t have been lying, covering up a litany of terrible injuries to be unveiled only after the inevitable terrible loss. I was perfect, nothing wrong, no niggles, nothing. Unfortunately I beat nobody, well perhaps I’m faster than John Meade now, I’m not sure.

2. Plagues and Pestilence

I think that they should move Berlin to March. There are far too many plagues going around the place in early September. I caught a horrible disease in the dark, wet and cold doing the last 3 mile session before the marathon. I could almost pinpoint the moment the disease beat down my depressed immune system. It wasn’t a vicious disease but it was quite horrible probably a category 3 headcold, a barbed wire throat and a drippy nose. I used Strepsils and that Vicks First Defence Spray which I always thought was nonsense. The nasal spray just drove the disease into my sinuses and gave me a pain when I moved my head. Friday was definitely it’s peak, 5 miles on Friday with a sore head was no fun at all.

3. The Cure for a Headcold

I think that the only cure for a headcold is sleep, lots of sleep. I normally like sleeping a lot but it feels like a terrible waste in Berlin when you could be doing excellent walking tours and visiting all of the Museums. To try and cure the disease I limited myself to one walking tour and no museums until after the race. I think it worked. I woke up Sunday morning feeling acceptable at worst a category 1 headcold.

4. Parade Ring

I think I knew it wasn’t going to be a great day after 5k. I was sweating like a bad horse in the parade ring before a race. It wasn’t normal sweat, it was sick sweat, the sort of sweat that makes you feel wet and cold. I didn’t feel particularly generally terrible so I decided I was fine and kept going. I had no niggles so that probably helped, a niggle would have been way worse.

5. Where’s My Bottle

I think I did a good impression of a large tall baby at 12km. Ronán and Lisa had kindly offered to give me a bottle and a gel at 12k and 32k. When I got to the roundabout at 12k I only saw Lisa on the left but she had no bottle for me. I was a little upset until Lisa pointed at Ronan who was jogging along on the other side with my bottle and gel. Once you starting using gels you start looking forward to your feed so to think for even a few seconds that it’s not going to happen is enough to trigger an upward lip movement.

6. Trust in Trust

I think that I should have trusted Trust from Kilkenny instead of passing him during the race. I have run with him nearly every year in Berlin and I’d seen on Strava that he was probably in better shape than me. If I’d any sense I’d have just sat behind and ran along at his pace but my head just can’t cope with sitting, it always wants more. Instead I went after the first German lady so I could get on German TV. This plan did work in that I got on TV, but Trust put 3 minutes in me by the end.

7. Viv of the Vaporflys

I think it was a terrible pity that Viv was unable to run. He was struck down with a terrible injury the week before the race (almost certainly Vaporfly related). I know that he would have beaten me very badly given recent form, instead he was reduced to handing me a bottle and a gel at 21.5k. I felt very sorry for him. I’d prefer to have had a go at beating him. I think I’d have run better if Viv had run. It wasn’t the same without my enemy.

8. Unscheduled Pitstop

I think that I need to figure out what is upsetting my stomach in Berlin. My stomach is normally well able to contain a marathon. Boston and Cork were perfect but Berlin has caught me two years in a row now. I thought I’d be fine because I’d executed the normal coffee protocol very well before the race. I’d even stopped eating at 7pm the night before the race to give it plenty of time. I felt perfect until about 32k, then the urge started coming in waves of increasing amplitude until I knew I wouldn’t make it home. I found a portaloo at 34k and made a 22 second pit stop (the splits are on Garmin). Stopping that late in the race is a very, very bad idea. I’d probably have been better off using the urge as a motivation to get home quicker. If Viv had of been running there’s no way I’d have stopped.

9. Another Gear

I think that Viv was very wrong when he was telling me I had another gear left when he met me with a lovely water bottle at 38k. The only gear I’d left was get home gear. It was very bad, that horrible trudge where every time you look at your watch you’ve lost another second off the average pace but there’s nothing you can do about it just get to the finish. The marathon is an irritating race, I don’t think I’ve ever met a runner who was truly happy and content with their time. Everyone always thinks they could go a bit faster, always, everyone.

10. Bekele the Traitor

I think that it would have been brilliant if Bekele was still an Adidas athlete and had gotten within two seconds of Kipchoge in normal non cheating shoes. I assumed that he was still an Adidas man so I was already picturing the throngs of fools outside the Adidas shop on Monday morning to buy the new shoes. Then I found out that even the great Kenenisa had been corrupted by the Vaporflys and instead I was the fool stood outside the Nike shop on Monday morning. The pink ones are nice, they even have my size now. Let the cheating begin.