10 Things I Think About Running

10 Things I Think About Finally Beating John Meade in The Lisbon 10k

1. Lock Up Your Vaporflys

I think that having a key to your room in the AirBnB is essential when you have a pair Vaporflys and John doesn’t. He is a fright for stealing any running tech like Garmins or Vaporflys and then hiding them in the oven. I was really worried that I’d return after morning coffee to a cryptic handwritten note and pair of melted Pink Vaporflys. Thankfully my bedroom in the AirBnB came with a big key so I was safe from any Meade sabotage.

2. Vaporised

I think that the commonly held belief that the Vaporflys protect your legs and make it easier to recover is nonsense. My legs were as bad as they have ever been after the Seeley Cup. I was still very bad 6 days after the race which is a very unusual level of badness for a 10k. The Vaporflys seem to make quads and hamstrings very bad, particularly the right lower hamstring which gets knotted after running in them. I’m calling it the Vaporfly knot, Donal Coffey gets the same thing.

3. Meia Maraton

I think it was a much better idea to do the 10k rather than the half marathon in Lisbon. We had entered the half marathon but then we realised that the European XC was on the same day in Lisbon and that if we did the 10k which started at 935 we’d be able to get to the XC course to watch the races. It was an excellent plan.

4. Minding Yourself

I always thought that in order to beat John Meade I’d have to do a lot of minding of myself. Thankfully you don’t have to mind yourself if you have Vaporflys so I could enjoy some excellent local wine and two desserts the night before the race. I reckon the wine costs about -5 seconds per glass and the desserts -4 seconds. The Vaporflys are worth about +90 seconds.

5. Grande

I think that I was about 10cm taller than anyone else running in the 10k. I felt absolutely massive on the startline, especially in the Vaporflys which make me about 6’4. The Portuguese guy next to me on the startline was amazed by my bigness. “Grande, 2 metres”.

6. Humid

I think that while the course was much flatter and more perfect than the Seeley Cup in Belfast the weather was much worse for running in Lisbon. It was 100% humid like Cork and a little warm. The Lisboners were complaining about the wind but it was totally still in comparison to any day in Cork. If it was Cork it was a perfect day for running.

7. No Respect

I think that I must still look totally useless even in my Vaporflys, there was a guy on a motorbike videoing the race who payed me no respect. Even though I was in the lead for the first 2k down to the turnaround at the hairpin he stayed back videoing the group containing Conor and the much more able looking Portuguese locals. When he finally came up to video me I stared straight at the camera and pointed at my lovely pink shoes. Then we turned at the hairpin and I got immediately dropped by Conor and his Portuguese compadres. The guy on the bike was right.

8. Coffey Corner

I think that if anyone is still in any doubt about the Vaporflys then they need to look at Donal Coffey’s 10k P.B performance. When I turned at the second hairpin at 7k I saw the amazing sight of the Green Vaporfly Donal springing along ahead of the Adidas Suction Boot shod John Meade. I was still worried that John Meade was only toying with us all and would suddenly drop the hammer in the last 3k. He did catch Coffey.

9. Humble Pie

I think that I was remarkably restrained in my celebrations given that I have tried and failed miserably for 10 years to beat John Meade, I’ve had to endure 10 long years of being beaten. I thought it was impossible to beat him, a thing that only Conor was capable of. Because of past trolling incidents I was very worried that he would suddenly appear on my shoulder after 9k as I was majorly struggling. The great thing about the Vaporflys is that when you start the process of majorly suffering you realise you’re heal striking and are immediately cued back into running fast up on your toes. When I crossed the line without having seen John Meade at any point in the race I was tempted to do a little dance when he finally appeared but I didn’t, I just shook his hand after a brief pause while I did a victory dance in my head.

10. Portuguesed

I think that the podium was a very disappointing affair. Our cunning plan to combine the 10k with the European XC was sort of dependent on us not ending up on the podium. Unfortunately Conor has become very excellent and perfect at running so he won the race perfectly by a lot. Podiums are normally excellent abroad so we decided to wait around and skip the junior XC races. When the podium eventually happened they called up the three Portuguese who finished 2,3 and 4th for the main podium and put poor victorious Conor on the second class masters podium like he’d come nowhere. Perhaps it the Portuguese have realised that Vaporflys are nonsense and that you don’t deserve a podium if you wear them. It’s almost a new sport. Vaporflying.