Dungarvan 10 2023

10 Things I Think About The Dungarvan 10 2023

1. Guidelines

I think that you know you are doing too many races when your mother starts worrying about you. “Are you sure you are within the guidelines for running?” She’s right there are no guidelines for my nonsense and if there were I’d be well outside them. My rule is no niggles then drive on, sure what could possibly go wrong if you’ve no niggles.

2. Perfect for Dungarvan

I think that the weather for Dungarvan was amazing, it wasn’t as perfect as Seville but for Dungarvan in February it was perfect. It was cold but tolerable with an aimless wind that neither aided nor impeded running at my modest pace. There was no rain and no clouds.

3. Kieran McKeown

I think that everyone should meet Kieran McKeown at the start line of a race. He is a very nice man. He told me that I looked very lean and that I didn’t need to lose a stone. He was very complimentary about my shoulders which have almost disappeared. I think it might have been the black arm warmers but I felt very confident after meeting him. Then I met Viv and Alan who congratulated me on my great PB by me in Seville. I almost felt good at running.

4. Next%

I think it is obvious that people prefer the original Next% to the Next%2. If you look on the start line of most races you will see a lot of the original Green and Pink ones which are almost four years old, this is because they are the fastest ones before World Athletics told Nike to cop on. Thankfully I have a source of new Green and Pink Next%s which I will not be divulging.

5. Course Record

I think that William Maunsell might actually have broken the course record if the guy in the van with the megaphone had not spent the first 4 miles of the race talking about the course record. It didn’t help that because of the cold still air the megaphone was extra powerful. If I was William Maunsell I’d have backed off the van and gone back to the group just not to have to listen to “he’s going for the course record” and it 400m into a 10 mile race.

6. David McCarthy

I think that when I was running along with David McCarthy for the first mile or two of the race it must have looked like a thoroughbred racehorse running along with a hairy donkey. It didn’t last long as Conor McCauley has no respect for either donkeys or thoroughbreds and tore by on the way down to the third mile marker at GSK taking the thoroughbred with him and leaving the donkey behind.

7. Noel Murphy

I think that Noel Murphy was the perfect person to run the race with. He didn’t annoy me in any way, I could have run a marathon with him no problem. I’m unsure if Noel Murphy thought that I was the perfect person to run the race with. I thought we ran well together taking turns into the aimless wind but after the race Noel said that I was a terrible man for surging. One man’s taking turns is another man’s surging I suppose. Michael Herlihy also thinks I surge.

8. Gels

I think that you don’t need a gel in a 10 mile road race but it is no harm to have one with you. I remember Fabian Cancellara taking a gel 5km from the end of The Tour of Flanders and winning so perhaps it has a placebo effect. I took my gel from up my sleeve just after 7 miles. We had just been passed by Neil Wiktorski who went by like he was fuelled by many gels. I didn’t actually take the gel just swished it around in my mouth and spat it out. It seemed to help.

9. Vivophobia

I think that I have a terrible fear of Viv. He is a terrifying prospect in a race. John Meade isn’t as bad because if he does pass you it looks like he is trying. Viv sort of glides up to your back like a well trained Russian spy before effortlessly and incredibly annoyingly gliding away. Thankfully because of my work/surging with Noel I had put a massive colossal insurmountable distance into both Viv and John Meade that could not be closed no matter how much hatred they were fuelled by.

10. The Sprint for 8th

I think that I would have been a lot happier if this had been a nine mile road race. At nine miles I was in 6th, 6th in the Dungarvan 10 would be amazing, I’d almost be happy with it as I’d nearly have won and have been close enough to worry Conor McCauley. Unfortunately myself and Noel got destroyed by a Tipperary and Waterford duo on the last hill leaving us to sprint for 8th. It was a fabulous sprint, extremely fast, possibly the best sprint of the day with €10 at stake, we crossed the line in the same time but because Noel is from Waterford and no one likes me I was 9th. John Meade and Viv were after 9th.

Seville Half Marathon 2023

10 Things I Think About The Seville Half Marathon 2023

1. Over Racing

I think that it is very important to keep racing, don’t mind people who warn about over racing. You never know when everything will align. The more often you race the more likely it is that one day you won’t have been sick or injured for a few weeks, the weather will be perfect, your stomach will be perfect, and your legs will feel good.

2. Chancing Your Arm

I think that it is always worth sending an email to see if there are any elite entries. Even if the word elite is being stretched to breaking point when applied to my name there’s always a chance that they might just want to fill the places. I got lucky for Seville, my email was successful which was just as well as the race was sold out back in December.

3. Coldio y Scorchio

I think that it was amazing how cold it was in Seville on Sunday. I left the apartment at 8am for a mile of a jog to allow the coffee to do its work. Two things struck me when I walked out the door, it was still dark and it was icy cold, possibly freezing. Wonderful, the darkness went away after a mile but the icy cold remained.

4. Elites in a Pod

I think that when you come to a race in Seville you don’t expect to find all of the elites hiding in a heated tent before the start of the race. I didn’t find it particularly cold as I have significantly more insulation than the typical elite so I pretty much had the starting area to myself to do a few strides and jog up and down enjoying the sunshine. Just before the start a reluctant bunch emerged from the cosy heated tents into the freezing cold Spanish sunshine, in the middle of them was Zak Hanna, so I chatted to him about how cold it was, because everyone was frozen there was little or no fuss and we were on our way without delay.

5. Sevilla on Ice

I think that no one would believe you if you said that you nearly slipped on a patch of ice in Seville. For the first mile or two I decided to be somewhat sensible and try and follow the elite women who I knew were going for around 68 or 69 minutes. It’s dangerous to follow the Spanish men as they all go way too fast for the first few miles. After about 2 miles of straight flat beautiful road we turned left to go across the river into Triana. Then I felt my green original Next% slipping in that horrible scary way that makes me go home after a mile in Cork. Thankfully it was only a short little patch of ice and we were soon back on dry tarmac.

6. Worry

I think that I will have to stop looking at the watch in races after 5k. When we got to the 5k mark I was delighted to see that they didn’t have clocks at the splits so that I wouldn’t be tormented every 5k for the next 20k. I looked at the watch and saw 16:20 and thought that’s a bit fast. I got worried so I decided that like any man who is worried about something the best policy is to ignore it and carry on until it becomes impossible to ignore.

7. Grupo

I think that the best thing about a race abroad is that you don’t know any of the other people in the race, well you might kind of know them to see them if you do enough races in Seville but you kind of associate them with holidays so its ok. After the 5k of worry I got into a lovely little group with a bunch of presumably Spanish runners who I had never seen before. We ran along together with no surging and no contempt for one another, it was wonderful.

8. This is Hard

I think there is always a point in a race where you can find a reason to stop trying. In this race it happened around 12k. As we went under the underpass which contains the only hill in the race I got dropped from my lovely group, not because the Spaniards tried to get rid of me but because I couldn’t keep up. The next 2k were into the wind solo which was terrible, I tried to take a gel which is not as easy at half marathon pace as it is at marathon pace so most of the maurten gel ended up on my leg. I kept going as best I could until I heard the unmistakable sound of a herd of Metaspeed Skys and Alphaflys clapping up behind me so I merged happily into a new group and continued on.

9. Narrow Streets

I think that the last 4k of this race were perfect. When we turned right off the ring road around the old part of Seville my group was naturally lined out as the road got quite narrow and quite cobbled. We ran past the Setas and turned left down a pedestrianized street with the odd person out doing their shopping. There’s something about chasing people through narrow streets with people out doing their shopping that makes running easier.

10. A Stones Throw

I think that a sub 70 half marathon is pretty much the same thing as a sub 2:30 marathon. They both do exactly the same thing, serve as a great way for me to torment Michael Herlihy. Even though I hadn’t looked at the watch since the first 5k marker, as we ran around the Plaza de España I knew I was within a stones throw of the sub 70 because I could see the lead women up ahead. When I turned left into the finishing straight, I saw the clock was just after ticking over from 1:08 to 1:09, then a Spaniard overtook me on the inside so I focused on trying to out sprint him instead which I didn’t but I did successfully, officially on chip, net, gross, app, watch, Strava, Garmin and every time possible torment Michael Herlihy.

Cinque Mulini XC 2023

10 Things I Think About The Cinque Mulini

1. Twitter

I think that anyone who has seen the videos of Cinque Mulini couldn’t but want to do this race. It’s that race that you probably saw on Twitter of people running through what looks like someone’s living room. I saw it last year and thought that looks amazing, I must do that, then I forgot about it until I met Trevor Cummins last Sunday at the BHAA XC which was also very good.

2. Trevor Cummins

I think that I should thank Trevor Cummins for reminding me about this race. At the time of the BHAA cross country race last Sunday I had no plans on going to Italy. I was probably going to go to exotic Caherconlish for a 10k on the road. Then Trevor mentioned that he’d love to go to the Cinque Mulini cross country race outside Milan. Just to check the logistics I looked up the flights and saw that there was a €16 flight from Cork to Milan on Saturday evening with a €30 flight back to Dublin Monday morning. Cheaper than a drive to Dublin so I booked the flights and entered the race, sure you only live once and all that. Gruff and John Meade said they’d go too which was great. Trevor said he’d wait for 2024.

3. Well Done John Meade

I think that it was interesting that the races with the highest numbers were the masters races. There were at least 300 or 500 masters athletes, so many that they had to have a separate over M50 race for all the Fr Romeo Sensini lookalikes. John Meade and Gruff went in the M35/M40/M45 race as anyone over 40 wasn’t allowed to run with the big boys like me. After an eventful start where he had to hurdle a faller at the start John Meade worked his way through to 3rd on the M40 podium which has probably cost him a fortune in roaming charges replying to all the Well Done Johns on Facebook while in Italy.

4. Spikes

I think that it was great having Gruff run the race before I had to run. What spikes or shoes to wear was a bit of a conundrum. Sean and Ian from Galway had been at the course the day before and said that it was a mixture of everything and that there was no perfect spike. Meade’s shoe choice was irrelevant to me as he wears extremely old spikes and wouldn’t worry or complain about shoes anyway for fear damaging his reputation. Gruff on the other hand wore Dragonflys with 9mm spikes which seemed to work really well judging by the excellence of Gruff’s performance so I took Gruff’s extra box of 9mm and installed them in my Dragonflys.

5. No Cross Country for Old Men

I think that it is interesting that there were only two M35 athletes in the main race. In Ireland if you ran a senior cross-country race and basically banned anyone over 35 and definitely over 40 you would have no race. In Italy there were plenty of young fellas to bulk up the field although a lot of them looked less Italian and much older than I do.

6. Partenza

I think that the start wasn’t as intimidating as I thought it would be. There were a few Kenyan’s, Crippa the hometown favourite plus a few other good guys who I’d never heard of but who looked like they run a slick Instagram account. I’d have been more afraid if it was a road race but in a cross country race you can only go so fast so it’s never that terrifying. When the gun went off I held back a little hoping to avoid any fallers like had happened in the old man race. There were no fallers and I wasn’t last, so it was a good start but I was probably a bit too far back.

7. Jumping Ditches

I think that this is definitely the best cross country course in the world. It is amazing, astonishing, better than the Twitter video would have you hope it would be. In a normal race after three 2k laps you just want the race to be over, on this course you get upset after three laps that it is nearly over. There is a little bit of everything, rocks, carpeted concrete, 45 degree uphill and downhill ramps, farm yards, lovely grass straights, ditches, stairs and houses to run through. The ditches were a new one on me, there were three or four of them in a section of about 200m, each ditch was about the same length as my stride so it didn’t really require jumping but it did requiring timing which I’m not great at. Ditches should be mandatory in all cross-country races.

8. Around The Houses

I think that the section through the house is as good as it looks on that video on Twitter. It is a wonderful section, a unique experience in running. To get to the house you have to run up a steep ramp then along a rocky narrow path before swinging right into a farm yard which has been carpeted to protect the Dragonflys. Then you turn left and in through a narrow door that I had to duck under to be sure of getting through. As you approach the door you hear the sound of the faster runners clink clanking up the steps in the house. I loved it but I am far larger than most Italian farmers so I lost lots of ground every time through the house, it was definitely more suited to the nimble footed runner like John Meade.

9. A Feast for the Senses

I think that the sound and smell of the race was wonderful. It is worth going to Italy for a race just to listen to the commentary and the crowds. There was quite a crowd around for the race and all the children stayed around to watch the race after they had run. The children were out high fiving shouting vai, vai, vai and there was noise most of the way around. The sound of spikes on gravel and spikes on wooden stairs is a wonderful sound, add it to the smell of cow dung from the farm yard and you have the perfect mix.

10. Success

I think that when you run in a race like this the most important thing is not to get lapped. I kept up a decent enough pace following a few Italians of similar average to moderately acceptable ability, Crippa and the Kenyans were really motoring so there was a risk that I’d get lapped which would have been terrible and broadcast live on TV for Michael Herlihy to laugh at. Once I made it onto the final lap without seeing Crippa and the Kenyans I was relieved and free to enjoy the last spin through the houses free from worry. I had a great sprint finish for 39th place with an Italian in a yellow singlet which I lost badly. When I got my phone back from Gruff, I saw that I had finished second of two in the M35 category so I went back in to the finish expecting my podium, unfortunately there was no M35 podium so I walked sadly and slowly back to Gruff and John Meade. Ah well it was still great fun.

Cork BHAA XC 2023

10 Things I Think About The Cork BHAA XC 2023

1. Beaumont Park

I think I had fond memories of Beaumont Park because of my early days of running with Togher A.C. We used to do laps of the park for cross country training back in about 2010, I remember it being wonderful and terribly hard so I thought a cross country race there would be excellent.

2. Christmas Madness

I think that you don’t have a problem if you know you have a problem. Christmas time has too much time off and too many races. I get horribly bored of the session, session, long run routine, I had enough of that to last me a lifetime during the lockdowns, it’s nice to mix it up and not worry about training at this time of year. That’s my self-justification for doing every possible race over Christmas anyway.

3. Spikes

I think that this was an unusual course for footwear choice. I forgot that when we did laps of Beaumont in 2010 we used the footpath for the section along by the wall and never went between the trees, we used never wear spikes. Parts of the BHAA course were more suited to trail running shoes, the grass sections needed 12mm spikes and the tarmac paths needed Vaporflys. Perhaps a pair of Inov-8s with 8mm lugs would have been best. Dragonflys with 6mm spikes were definitely a bad choice.

4. Damp Cold Dark Rain

I think that there was a special type of cold for the morning of the race. It was damp cold, horribly windy with a dark black sky, not weather for a singlet but too warm not to wear a singlet. I thought that the ground might not be that bad given that I only had memories of Beaumont as a nice place with firm ground. I was very wrong, it was a horrible surface with a thin layer of slippery muck on top of hard ground.

5. Left of John

I think that this was the first race I have run where a man in a high viz jacket has been used as a part of the course. On the start line we were told that they had changed the course to allow for the people who were wearing spikes. Part of the change was that we had to keep left of John at the top of the hill by the pylon. John did an excellent job, and everyone was sent the right way which was left around him,

6. Traffic Jam

I think that this race was more like a single track trail race than a cross country race. Normally in a cross country race passing people is not an issue, once we got around John and went back down the hill we were onto the single track trail through the trees. I went off handy enough so I ended up in about 10th, I could see that Barry Twohig had gone off hard but I thought that I’d be able to catch up after a few minutes. Then we started the single track and I realized it wasn’t going to be that way and that Barry was probably gone for good.

7. Trevor

I think that it felt like more like a Formula 1 race with Trevor Cummins than a cross country race. On the first lap I couldn’t get near Trevor but as we went through the single track for the second time I was able to close the gap enough to attempt an overtake. There really wasn’t any way to overtake as it was a single track through the trees with deadly rocks and deadly tree roots either side so I had to wait before dancing nimbly by on a brief opening in the trees. I made sure not to leave any gaps at the next few corners so that he couldn’t come back at me. It was great driving by me.

8. The Slippery Hill

I think that the hill in this race is what makes the race wonderful. It is a magnificent little hill, I remember running up it in my Togher days in normal shoes thinking what a great training hill that was. On Sunday it was a different proposition, the surface of the hill was a thin layer of slippery mud, what made it worse was that you have to turn as you are climbing so if you don’t get traction with your spikes you just go sideways. On the first lap Barry Twohig powered up the hill like a Dutch cyclocross rider and that was the last we saw of him, it was an impressive sight. I couldn’t get up it at all, my spikes and long tanned legs were useless, I was like a large calf trying to stand up on extra slippery ice, I even had to use a lapped runner for leverage on one of the ascents.

9. Final Sprint

I think that the finishing straight of this race is particularly excellent. By the last of the three laps I had worked my way up into third by passing a Carraig na bhFear athlete on the flat section after the slippery hill. I was still worried that he would get me as I was having severe difficulty with the downhill left hand turn by the pylon, I missed the corner completely on the second lap and had to go right around the pylon so had to take it handy on the last lap. Rounding into the home straight I could sense that there was someone close behind, I sprinted as hard as I could and made good progress towards the finish line, unfortunately what I thought was the finish line was just a man standing in the middle of the field. Just before I was caught the lads on the actual line shouted at me and I nipped in just ahead of the green and white singlet in third.

10. Wine, Chocolates and Chip Timing

I think that if I had known that the prizes for first second and third were almost the same, I might not have taken as many risks at the slippery corners. At the prize giving the main prize that we received was being the first people to hear that the BHAA have bought a chip timing system which is great news. Even though I finished third I got the second prize as Naoise wasn’t registered. First prize was a tin of USA biscuits, Cadbury’s Heroes, and a 2021 vintage Santa Rita Cabernet Sauvignon (3.5/5.0 on Vivino), second prize was Cadbury’s Heroes and the same wine. Excellent prizes so long as you weren’t a tee-total vegan runner.

Photo: Cork Athletics

Marathon Del Pavo 2023

10 Things I Think About The Marathon Del Pavo Espera 2023

1. Kings Day

I think that the Spanish do Christmas properly. It goes right up to the sixth of January. The night before they have a big parade where all the roads are closed and the streets are covered in sweets. Then on the sixth they have a race called the Marathon Del Pavo in Espera an hour from Seville.

2. Espera

I think that Espera would be a good place to retire to when you become a grumpy old man. You could buy a nice white walled house, look at the sun, eat oranges and wander from bar to bar drinking the tiny little pints all day long. It is a very nice beautiful peaceful place up on the top of a hill.

3. Ballycotton

I think that if you miss the way road races used to be in Ireland in about 2008 you should go and do races in Andalusia. This race was like a Ballycotton 5 mile race, in the middle of nowhere in a beautiful town which could only be accessed via character building roads. The entry was €7 with a local Spanish John Walshe running around organizing everything perfectly.

4. Foreign Invaders

I think that it is always a little daunting going to races in places in rural Spain. You’d always be a little worried that they might not like Irish people and run you from the village. I was more worried than normal about this race because there was €400 for first. Fortunately Andalusia is a very friendly place and no one seemed to mind that we had turned up. We parked outside a bar, ordered some pre race coffee in order to use the facilities and jogged up the hill to the town and retrieved the dorsals which was all very efficient.

5. Onomatopoeia

I think that every race in the world would be improved by hiring Pepe Yepes. I have never seen a guy with the mic who has so much energy. He was completely mad but wonderful. He never stopped, from the start to the finish hopping up and down with excellent music blaring, wonderful wonderful stuff.

6. All Over Espera

I think that the meeting where they decided the route for this race would have been interesting. The race started out up a hill, after that I don’t know where we went, left, right, uphill, downhill, it was like the route you’d take if you were trying to run away from someone who was chasing you. As per usual in a race in Spain the race went off at a ludicrous pace, I held back in about 6th thinking there is no way they can maintain this, I was very wrong, the four in front were gone never to be seen again, €400 obviously brings out a few of the local Ryan Creechs.

7. The Red Road

I think that my favourite part of this race was the 4km section of the race on the red dirt road outside the town. By the time we hit the red dirt road I was in 5th miles behind fourth and just ahead of 6th. The weather was incredible, like the nicest summer day in Cork, nearly 20 degrees. I didn’t take the water on the way out to the amazement of the locals. “Murte” the guy shouted at me. I took it on the way back just in case he had some local knowledge about the course that I didn’t know.

8. Venga Venga

I think that it is great the way that the locals come out to support road races in these small Spanish towns. The last mile of the race ran back up through the village which was lined on either side by crowds of cheering locals, venga venga, vamos. I had no one to chase and no one behind so I could just enjoy it as it wasn’t really a course where time was something people worried about.

9. Caliente / Calor

I think that I will have to learn Spanish. I am a disgrace, I have nothing, a few words, a few of them French. When I reached the finish line back where the race started Pepe Yepes was there hopping about doling out high fives. He was delighted to see an Irishman in fifth so he interviewed me. I tried to say that it was very hot, “muy caliente” I thought having successfully ordered hot water for a cup of Barry’s tea the day before using the same word, “calor” he corrected me before returning to hopping and jumping about the 6th and 7th place finishers.

10. Two Podiums

I think that it is a better idea to do a race on a day when you don’t have to make a flight in the evening. I would have loved to have stayed around for the full podium experience, the locals were very, very friendly offering us food and places to shower but we had a flight to catch so we went back to the bar near the car for coffee before leaving. Before we left I said I’d run back up to get a photo of the results. When I got there they had just started the podium. Pepe Yepes was somehow still in full flow. He shouted out my name as winner of the Senior B category so up I hopped on the podium for my trophy, followed immediately by my first time on a women’s podium for Rhona’s trophy.

Grange Fermoy 10k

10 Things I Think About The Grange Fermoy 10k

1. 2022

I think that it was good to finish 2022 with a race. It would have been nicer if the race had of been in Spain but Fermoy was a good replacement. 2022 was a very good year as I ran as many races as I wanted to and I achieved my lifetime goal of being significantly just faster than Michael Herlihy in the marathon.

2. Additional Mileage

I think that it was great to have an excuse not to run extra mileage at the actual race. I will never complain about the chance of doing additional mileage. We were told to park in Fermoy which is a mile and a half from the start in Grange. The perfect way to guarantee an additional three miles for the day which is very important when you are trying to make up miles for the year.

3. Ginger Chilli Rice

I think that the main issue with running races around Christmas time is that you have to eat unusual food for social reasons. I know what to eat not to have trouble in a race, I now know that Ginger Chilli Rice at 10pm the night before a race is a very bad idea.

4. Farmers Gate

I think that Vaporflys are not good for climbing gates three minutes before the start of a race when you have had Ginger Chilli Rice the night before. Thankfully as I was halfway up the gate, I saw that the gate was tied with one of those easy to release knots that my grandfather taught me how to do. Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember how to do the knot so I just did a shoelace knot on the way out. I hope it was ok, I should nearly go back and check.

5. Alphaflys

I think that a lot of people got Alphaflys for Christmas. Ryan and Mark Walsh were the main culprits. They really are awful looking shoes, you can tell someone is wearing them without actually looking at the shoes because you can see the self-consciousness and awkwardness. Everyone else like me was wearing Vaporflys which aren’t as bad.

6. Uphill/Downhill

I think that the start of this race is excellent. Starting uphill before going downhill makes it nice and calm as no one wants to sprint off uphill at the start. Then you can get going on the downhill when the field is nice and spread-out. Ryan and Sergiu were well gone even by the time we got to the top of the short hill leaving Pat Hennessy, myself, and Mark Walsh in the battle for the money for third.

7. Battle for Money

I think that the battle for the money didn’t last long enough. Once we turned left in Grange and ran out the road to nowhere in particular, I thought that there was a chance that I might get third. For about 2k it was myself, Pat and Mark, then all of a sudden Pat picked up the pace like he had remembered that he could run faster and disappeared away up the road taking the last of the prize money with him.

8. The Battle for Fourth

I think that the best thing that can happen in a race like this when the money is gone is that you find a nice group of runners of a similar ability level to run the whole race with. Once Pat had departed, I was left with Mark Walsh, his alphaflys and a fella from Port Laoise who I presumed was Tom Lupton. We were perfectly matched and spent until 9k rolling along up and down the beautiful small hills at a horrible but pleasant pace. I loved the course, reasonably quick and never boring.

9. Mark and his Alphaflys

I think that it was interesting to watch Mark Walsh run in the Alphaflys. Once we reached the final kilometre, I thought I had a chance of my usual fourth place finish as I felt good. I have been in a few last mile battles with Mark and normally he destroys me. When I saw the nine-kilometre marker I moved right to start my slightly faster sprint good and early. Mark was having none of this, normally you would see some sort of obvious effort but in the Alphaflys he just glided off up the road in that efficient smooth Kipchoge like form that the Alphaflys make everyone run in. To make it worse the fella from PortLaoise who wasn’t Tom Lupton went by and followed Mark up the road leaving me in sixth.

10. Turn Right for the Portaloo

I think that I was very lucky that this was a 10k and not a 10 mile. Once I realized that Mark and the fella who wasn’t Tom Lupton were gone my attention turned to the Ginger Chilli Rice. My primary motivation for reaching the finish line as quickly as possible was the portaloo that was just after the finish. It’s a bit of an anticlimax to finish a race in a portaloo but at least I finished. I warmed down back to the car in Fermoy with the intention of returning to the hall for coffee but I had enough miles done for the year so I went home.

Togher A.C 5K 2022

1. Definition of Insanity

I think that doing two races in two days isn’t as “crazy/mad/idiotic” as it used to be, magic shoes have almost made it sensible. Despite the magic shoes it is still utterly pointless as nothing will be achieved in the second race other than hopefully getting through it in one piece.

2. Suboptimal Conditions

I think that as cold and horrible it was in Clonmel, Togher was level 9 winter misery. It was almost dark, incredibly grey, cold and wet even though it didn’t appear to be obviously raining. These Christmas races are incredibly unlucky with the weather as if they were on at any other time of the year they would be the best races of the year.

3. Risk Assessment

I think that the warm up for a race when you have done a race the day before is very important. It’s not really a warm up more of risk assessment on niggles that could potentially turn into injuries. On the jog up to the remarkable efficient number collection at the community centre I felt surprisingly normal, just the usual pains and aches of a 36 year old man. Mostly the pains reside in my right knee and old stress fracture sites, especially when it’s cold. There were no new pains which meant the risk of running the race was low-medium which is like a greeny-amber colour which means drive on.

4. Shimozzle

I think that the start of this race was great fun. It started outside the SuperValu just up from the Lough, I hadn’t really looked at the course map so it was all new to me. There was an interesting ninety degree right turn a few hundred metres after the start. The problem/great thing with a turn so close to the start is that everyone wants to get to the corner first. I was never at risk but there were a few fast starting juvenile North Cork athletes that could have been in danger. Owing to my agility and nimbleness I avoided any trouble before receiving an Anne Marie McGlynn style elbow from Aoife Cooke which was entirely unnecessary.

5. Cautious Conor

I think that it was a good idea to follow Conor for the first mile of the race. He is a very sensible man, possibly the most sensible man in the race. A lot of people went off very, very, very fast which from my experience will take about 12 years to learn is a bad idea. After about 500m I followed Conor as we overtook 4 or 5 fast starters before settling into our likely finishing positions plus or minus a few.

6. Excellent Corners

I think that the corners make this race great. It is a fabulous route. Very imaginative, sort of like a Raheny 5 just with the correct distance and 5k instead of 5 miles. Even the grey concrete looks the same as in Dublin. I love all the right angle turns they are perfect for running, nothing too tight and never too close together. They definitely make the race go by quicker.

7. Nutrition vs Pharmacy

I think that it was good to race some new people today. After about 3k, Conor’s sensible pace became foolish to me so I dropped back. I feared that I was about to be swallowed by a huge pack of runners but only Ben came flying by in a UCC singlet. I tried to beat him because he is also a podcast superstar like me but it quickly became clear that he was far better than me.

8. The Forgotten Fourth Kilometre

I think that the fourth kilometer of a 5k is the most important, I have no memory of what happened in the 4th kilometer other than it was very wet and very grey and Ben and Conor started to get further away. I think that if I had concentrated properly during the 4th kilometer I might have gotten under the magic 16 minute barrier which is all that really matters when you are running a 5k.

9. Kieran McKeowns

I think that there must have been about seven Kieran McKeowns on the course today. He seemed to be everywhere, perhaps there are just lots of people who look like Kieran McKeown in Togher, he was definitely at six of the twelve corners. With about 800m to go he made his final appearance to tell me that Aoife and her gang were 50m back. This made me very worried as I could hear footsteps. Then I heard “Well Done Brian”, who’s Brian I thought, I don’t normally race Brians, then I remembered who Brian is.

10. Kerryman

I think that I did very well to hold off Brian Murphy over the last few 100m, he must be very disappointed as I’m absolutely terrible in the last few 100m of a 5k and normally anyone in sight of me beats me. I will take it as a victory over Michael Herlihy too as Brian beat him in the cross country so that’s positive. It was great fun and I didn’t get injured. Don’t worry the injury will probably happen soon.

Clonmel A.C 4 Mile 2022

10 Things I Think About The Clonmel A.C 4 Mile 2022

1. Where it All Started

I think that this race in 2015 was the reason I started going to Spain after Christmas. It has taken me 7 years to recover from how cold and wet it was that day. You could see the cold in the photos that’s how bad it was.

2. ParkRun + Goal Mile

I think that Christmas Day is a lot better when you can leave the house to go running. I spent Christmas morning pushing Billy around the Glen like a maniac (according to Tobi) with a Santa hat on followed by a goal mile at CIT where I got destroyed on the last lap by two young fellas. It was a very good morning.

3. Fake Sun

I think that there is something terrible about the sun in Ireland in December. It is horrible, it blinds you but provides no heat and no benefit other than permitting sunglasses to be worn in a race. I hadn’t worn my excellent orange sunglasses in ages.

4. Blueway

I think that I might have to go back to Clonmel for a normal run. It looks like a great place to train, a lovely path along the river that the signposts say goes all the way to Carrick on Suir with Font Romeuesque mountain trails looking down the town. No wonder there are so many good runners from Clonmel.

5. Green Light Indicates Satellites are Secured

I think that I will have to get a new watch or just stop wearing it in races. I thought the days of not being able to find satellites ended with the old Garmin 305 square watch. At the start my relatively new Garmin Forerunner 945 couldn’t find the Clonmel satellites. It didn’t look like it was going to find them in time for the start so I prepared myself for the worst and accepted that this race wouldn’t end up on Strava. Then just as the race started the watch went green indicating satellites have been secured so I pressed start and started running, then the screen went blank. I spent the first 400m of the race looking at the watch pressing buttons until the screen came back to life after pressing the lap button. I should have just dropped out.

6. Third Group

I think that I was lucky I didn’t fall while troubleshooting the watch issues. It’s amazing how far and fast you can run while not actually looking where you are going. Its a skill that I have probably developed from walking around town scrolling through Twitter. When I looked up and stopped looking at the watch after about 400m I saw that I was just off the back of the third group led by Cillian O’Leary. This was acceptable so I tried to stay with them.

7. The Bridge

I think that I did well to get to the bridge at two miles in the third group. I felt terrible, the sort of feeling that makes you question why you bothered, it is interesting how some running days are just terrible. An unusual combination of a long sleeve and a pair of orange sunglasses was probably reflective of my level of motivation, neither interested nor disinterested, neither happy nor unhappy.

8. Fast and Flat

I think that this must be one the nicest courses in Munster. It’s perfectly flat in that it’s not totally flat, it’s nicely flat, there are some nice little short bumps and a few bends to keep it interesting. The only thing that is a little annoying are all the noisy non-electric cars on the road on the way back to Clonmel. It might be nicer to come back along the Blueway after the bridge but I don’t know how that would work with the dog walkers and cyclists.

9. Wind

I think that there should be a name for the wind that we encountered once we turned left after the bridge. It was both cold and persistent, no gusts, just relentlessly resisting our attempts to return to Clonmel as quickly as possible. I thought I’d be clever and tuck in behind Cillian and his gang but with about a mile to go just as we passed David Mansfield I was eliminated from the group and left to go solo into the wind which was hopeless especially with a long sleeve t-shirt under my singlet.

10. The Final Turn

I think that Susan was right to warn about the finish being left around the corner. It is an unusual finish sort of like the race in Spain where I beat John O’Connell because he thought the finish was before it really was. Unfortunately in Clonmel I was on my own and my course knowledge was useless other than for ensuring that the time on Strava was faster than it would otherwise have been. It’s a great race, if only it was on in Spain or maybe May.

Munster Masters XC 2022

10 Things I Think About The Munster Masters XC

1. Badness

I think that you don’t have a problem when you know what you are doing is wrong. I know that I should recover properly from the marathon so that I can get even more excellent. I would love to have the patience to try and become even more excellent, but it seems like a miserable existence. I try not to think of the marathon as anything special as it is just an invented concept that your body has no knowledge of. If there is no obvious badness after the marathon sure why wouldn’t you be fine to race again. Magic shoes and limited alcohol definitely help to reduce the amount of debadification required.

2. Freezing Fog

I think that this is the first race that I have run in freezing fog. It was terrible to come back to this awful cold place after a few days in wonderful Spain where it is warm and there is no ice unless you deliberately want to have ice and go up the mountains. Freezing fog is very atmospheric to run in, if it wasn’t so cold it would be a great addition to any race.

3. Course Check

I think that Clarecastle might be my favourite venue for cross country. It is an acceptable distance from Cork and for some reason the course seems to agree with me. I have beaten many people in this field, for example Conor McCauley even though he claims not to remember the beating. Clarecastle is one of those courses that gets very mucky, I wasn’t sure what it would be like in freezing fog, it turned out that it was a lot like the course in Donegal, sort of like a soft carpet with short portions of muck, perfect for Dragonflys.

4. Dragonflys in the Field

I think that Dragonflys are the best thing that has happened to cross country. I have always been in favour of them, they are excellent shoes, probably the most comfortable spikes ever, they don’t even feel like spikes. Nike are even bringing out a XC specific Dragonfly now which will have the triangular cone shaped spikes. I tried to put my current triangular cone shaped spikes onto my track Dragonflys but they don’t fit so I had to go with regular 9 mm spikes.

5. The Old Grey Whistle/Gun Test

I think that the start of this race was very unfair. There were a lot of runners in the race because the Munster Intermediate was being run at the same time as the Munster Old Man race. The starter had both a whistle and a gun which was slightly confusing as either is an accepted starting method. He waved the whistle at us as he backed away which made me think the gun was broken and he was going to use the whistle which is normally used for giving out. Then he tried to fire the gun but it didn’t go off so we had to regroup. Then again he tried the gun but it didn’t work, then the gun worked so we were off, myself and Michael Herlihy were badly delayed as we weren’t anticipating the third successful firing of the gun.

6. Helly Hansen

I think that running with a t-shirt under your singlet is normally a sign of a lack of interest. When it is actually freezing like it was in Clarecastle a long sleeve under your singlet is essential. There should be a rule about the colour of the longsleeve, it should be colour co-odinated with the singlet otherwise the photos will look terrible on Instagram. I choose a black Helly Hansen top that I have had since 2010 when it was cold last and I had to use YakTraks to run.

7. Chesser Checks Out

I think that Rory Chesser nearly won the race on the first lap. Because of the dodgy start myself and Michael Herlihy lost about 50m on the bunch of Intermediate and Old Men at the start. I deliberately took it somewhat handy for the first kilometer as I wasn’t sure how my body would react to the race. After a kilometer which was also a lap I felt totally unbad so I picked it up a bit and dispatched Michael Herlihy and moved up into third a good bit behind Rory Chesser and a little bit behind Kenny Rodgers.

8. The Gambler

I think that Kenny Rodgers tactics for the race were very interesting. After three of the seven one kilometre laps Rory Chesser had a good gap on myself and Kenny. Listening to his breathing I didn’t think that Kenny was going to be able to bridge the gap up to Rory but slowly but surely or quickly and certainly, I can’t quite remember, I was dropped and Kenny caught Rory. I was left in third happy enough to be without sight or sound of Michael Herlihy.

9. Herlihy vs Murphy

I think that Brian Murphy did me a big favour today by distracting Michael Herlihy. Seven one-kilometre laps is a lot of laps to be worried about being caught by a resurgent terminator like Michael Herlihy. Thankfully Brian Murphy was keeping him busy so I was left alone in third to concentrate on looking excellent for the photos in the fog. The problem with a one kilometer lap and effectively two races in one was that lapped runners became an issue for the last two laps, combined with the freezing fog it must have been great fun trying to figure out who was who.

10. Confirmation

I think that no matter where I am in a race I will always be afraid that I will be confused with a lapped runner and sent off for another lap like keeps happening in the National 10k on the track. Thankfully the stewards did an excellent job counting the chaos and at the end of seven laps I was sent into the finishing chute in third behind Rory who had been overhauled by Kenny Rodgers. I had time to feel the ice that had formed in my hair before turning around to see Brian Murphy storm in just ahead of Michael Herlihy. 15 seconds was the gap, which is similar to the gap between our marathon times.

Photo: Steve O'Sullivan

Valencia Marathon 2022

10 Things I Think About The Valencia Marathon 2022

1. I Have a Dream

I think that it is very important to have goals in life. Goals provide motivation and reasons to run when it is cold, wet and windy in November and you’d rather sit in the car and pick the dirt from the grooves of the car key than go out and run 10 miles. My main goal for the last few years has been to torment Michael Herlihy by running a faster marathon than him. 2:30:25. It has been my primary motivation for at least six years.

2. Preparation

I think that I did excellent training for the marathon. The most important thing when training for a marathon is to believe that your training is the best training and that what everyone else is doing is wrong, you must have total faith and belief. My training plan involved 5k reps and lots of racing. What is far more important than any training is picking a nice flat marathon in a nice cold calm place like Valencia in December.

3. Billy’s Race

I think that more races should have races for two-year-olds before the main event like what they do in Valencia. Billy’s Mini Maratón took place on a road parallel to the finish of the marathon on a 300m loop. The baby race had more loud music than the actual marathon and had an equally chaotic start. Billy was almost disqualified on the starting line for removing his race number and flinging it on the ground in protest at the dilly dallying, luckily the steward realized that it was pointless trying to pin it back on, so we were allowed run with me holding his number. A 300m race is a long way for a two-year-old, he started well, got to the halfway cone comfortably, had a bit of a stutter near the finish line but finished strongly in about 14th. A good debut.

4. Boxes

I think that it was great that the organizers put the runners into boxes just like I do. The start was arranged into boxes based on previous marathon times. The boxes were quite large, possibly based on the opinion of a Spanish Michael Herlihy type figure. There was Box 1 which had proper runners under 2:20. Then I was in Box 2 which was everyone who had run under 2:50 previously. The boxes were very easy to access, easier than Berlin and Seville. I was staying on the street the marathon started on, so I went from the apartment to my box in 3 minutes, ideal, perfect.

5. Penguins

I think that there were too many good runners in this marathon. Because I was staying so close to the start I was late getting to the start. When I got to my box 15 minutes before the start it was very full of people who could run under 2:50 for the marathon. I didn’t bother pushing up into the box because I assumed it would go out fast it being box 2. It didn’t, when the race went off after less fussing and music than there was in Billy’s race there were just too many runners for the width of the road. After 3k it was like being in a pack of penguins waddling along. You could feel the heat of the pack of runners, it was horrible and there was nothing I could do except try not to get stressed. I was very patient until 3k, then I started slaloming and elbowing like it was a cross country race. Once I got to 10k it was nice, still people everywhere but moving nicely according to my watch.

6. One Faced Liar

I think that I might run the next marathon off the km split signs. The GPS just doesn’t work. No wonder everyone was running PBs in those virtual races during lockdown, it’s minutes off. My watch was telling me I was great all race, miles under tormenting Michael Herlihy (TMH) pace. It was only when I got to the halfway mark that I realized that I was only barely under TMH pace. 1:14:58, not much time in the bank.

7. Entourage

I think that it is a good idea to bring someone with you to these marathons to hand out bottles. We were very professional and even rehearsed the bottle handoffs at the 16k, 25k and 30k points on the course the day before, this was mainly because we were terrified that we would mess up Tim O'Donoghue’s race by not getting him his bottles. The bottle handoffs were executed perfectly by Tim and Rhona. I also had one gel up my sleeve in my decathlon arm warmers and two gels in my shorts so six overall which is a lot. I have always believed in the importance of gels and water.

8. YouTubers and Irish People

I think that every youtuber in the world must have been running in Valencia. They were all over the place, it was a good way to pass the race trying to spot them. I ended up chatting to a less well-known YouTube shoe reviewer Nick Harris Fry who was on about the same pace, he was very nice and didn’t try to sell me anything. The other game I played was spot the Irish person. I only spotted two, David Callaghan from Tallaght and Brian Lenihan from Blackrock. I beat them both, I didn’t beat the YouTuber.

9. Waiting for Something

I think that I was too happy with tormenting Michael Herlihy. Marathons are waiting games, you keep running at a predefined pace waiting for something to go wrong. Valencia was very unusual as absolutely nothing went wrong, nothing, no stomach issues, no niggles, plenty of gels, perfect 12-degree weather, no wind, excellent magic shoes it was almost too good. Despite the absence of problems, I was terrified of pushing beyond my practiced tormenting Michael Herlihy pace for fear that I would blow up so I kept waiting until the last kilometer.

10. 2:30 for 2:30

I think that it is a horrible feeling when you realize that you are going to miss a sub 2:30 marathon. I only realized when I saw the 800m to go sign. I looked at my watch and it said 2:27:30. 2:30 to get under 2:30. Impossible, 5-minute mile pace. I tried anyway, aided significantly by the downhill bouncy blue mat. When I got onto flat but still bouncy blue mat to the finish, I looked at my watch and smiled. The tormenting of Michael Herlihy had been completed. 2:30:14. The sub 2:30 can wait for another day. It would have been a shame to have no goals left in running.

Great Glenville 4 Mile 2022

10 Things I Think About The Great Glenville 4 Mile

1. Synonymous

I think that I am running out of new places to run races in Cork. Glenville was a new one for me. The word Glenville brings two words to mind John Meade. It is a race that I would assume he would be at, it would almost be wrong if he wasn’t.

2. Industrial Numbers

I think that the race numbers for the race might have been the biggest thickest race numbers I have ever seen. These were industrial style numbers that couldn’t possibly disintegrate no matter how much rain and wind arrived. The bit that I didn’t realize until the end was that they were reusable numbers, at the end the tag was peeled off and collected for reuse. Very good, very green, very Eamon Ryan.

3. Warm Up

I think that the mile warm up only works if you are late and are extremely stressed. If you are late and not bothered about being late a mile warm up is not enough. I had absolutely no adrenaline despite arriving in Glenville 20 minutes before the unusual 11:30am start. I was hoping my new Pink Vaporflys would help but even they felt a bit flat which made me question their authenticity given that they were bought from Goat.com.

4. Big Turnout

I think that it is very difficult to tell who will turn up to these races. The people you expect to turn up like John Meade don’t turn up and the people you don’t like Gavin, Mark Walsh and Alan O’Shea do. There were also an exceptional amount of Vaporflys and Alphaflys on the start line which when combined with an expensive Nike singlet with cooling holes are a worrying sign.

5. Not Feeling It

I think that I have never gotten a worse start than in this race. It is a very favorable start, a short steep downhill that you’d instantly recognize from all the photos of previous years. On the start line we were counted down from 10, I waited for the 1 to go but Alan O’Shea was gone on the 2 or possibly the 3 and everyone else followed. I was left behind in about 8th by the time we began the mile long hill into the wind.

6. Catch Mark

I think that it is great fun tracking someone down in a race. It took until the top of the first hill for the adrenaline to kick in. I felt terrible on the hill, my Vaporflys felt unusually unbouncy and there was a strong headwind. Mark, Alan and Gavin looked like they were gone and there were two orange Nike singlets and Barry from the Barr’s in the gap in between. Thankfully the hill wasn’t that long and was followed by a downhill with the perfect gradient for my legs.

7. Tormenting Mark

I think that I probably shouldn’t have let out the groan I did when I caught up to Mark Walsh. It took until about a mile and a half to catch him. He had sensibly dropped off Alan and Gavin. When I caught up to Mark I let out a Michael Herlihy style groan to torment him. It definitely worked as he pulled my singlet as I went by. It’s very important to beat someone both psychologically and physically.

8. The Descent

I think that the middle two miles of this race are the wonderful. My tormenting of Mark didn’t really work as he just sat in behind me. I could see that Gavin was just sitting on Alan up the road so I thought we had a chance of catching them even though they were about 15 seconds ahead. Even though my Vaporflys didn’t feel as bouncy as normal they seemed to work very well on the gradual downhill. As we reached the three mile mark the group of two became four. Because the Michael Herlihy groan had worked well when I caught Mark I let out a similar groan when we caught Gavin and Alan. On hearing the groan Alan O’Shea turned his head and gave me a look that I can still see.

9. Donie and Con

I think if Donie and Con had been a few more metres away from the finish I might have beaten Alan O’Shea. The last mile unfolded almost exactly as I thought it would except that I beat Mark and came 3rd. I knew that Gavin would destroy us all in the last mile which he did, what I didn’t expect was that I would be so close to Alan. In my head there is no way I should be any where near Alan, he is many boxes ahead of me, I didn’t believe I could pass him, it would almost have been disrespectful. It was only when Donie and Con said it to me with about 300m to go that I thought it was possible. It wasn’t.

10. Hallophobia

I think that I have a fear of halls after races, the last two years have done irreparable damage to my brain. I must have looked very odd standing outside the hall waiting for the photos and prizes. I was terrified of catching a cold or something before the marathon in Valencia next week. It is not normal behavior, but I can’t help it. At least I was brave enough to enter the hall to collect the prize for 3rd and have my photo taken (there was none for Mark in 4th a feeling which I’m familiar with). Liam Tracey fixed my hair for the second photo so if I do get sick, I’ll know who to blame.

Munster Senior XC 2022

10 Things I Think About The Munster Senior XC

1. To Hell or to Limerick

I think the initial hesitancy to hold this event in Limerick racecourse was understandable. Having said that there was absolutely nothing wrong with the course. It was a fabulous cross-country course, one of the best courses ever. The perfect antidote for the nonsense in Abbotstown. It should be the opposite way around where they talk about moving the course because it’s not dangerous enough.

2. B vs B

I think that there is too much minding of oneself in running. It is a terrible shame that both Leevale and East Cork fielded “B teams” for this race. It was great for the members of the B teams like myself and Mark Walsh but it should be the case that you have to run both the County and Munster cross country in order to qualify for the Nationals. It would stop people skipping a race because they know it is going to be run in a ridiculous swamp in Limerick that will have absolutely no relevance when it comes to the Nationals. It should be like the GAA where if you are caught training on a weekend where there is a cross country race that you are eligible you get banned.

3. Triangulation

I think that I will have to order a pair of the triangular spikes that Michael Herlihy had for this race. They are the spikes from the Nike Zoom Victory 5 XC. The shoe companies make no effort to innovate when it comes to cross country spikes for pure bogs like Limerick racecourse because there are only about 40 customers in the entire world. I am very tempted to try a pair of Inov-8 mud claws in races like this as there must be something better than spikes. I could try training properly but it is a lot easier to buy something that could make you faster.

4. Scandalous Decision

I think that the decision to reduce the race distance from 10k to 8k was scandalous. They said it was because of the tough conditions. This was clearly nonsense as the runners who had turned up were the maddest of the mad runners in Munster, farmers and strong fellas who either don’t know about or have utter contempt for magic shoes and who want to suffer as much as possible. It was clearly shortened so that people could go home ten minutes earlier. It was only afterwards that Michael Herlihy told me that if I had objected, they’d have had to have made it 10k. If I’d have know I’d have said something.

5. This is Bad

I think that after 100m of the race we were all glad that it was 8k not 10k. The race started with a ridiculously loud bang from what was possibly a new starting gun and off we went up the hill as fast as we could before all slowing dramatically when we encountered the first bog. That first bog was a good introduction to what lay ahead, this was not muck, this was a shin swallowing swamp.

6. Mass Cheating

I think that marking the course with only flags was asking for trouble. On the first lap everyone was very good and ran outside the flags all the way around the course. After the first lap new questionable lines were being taken, we’d already been given two kilometers off but when faced with ridiculous conditions it’s probably fair enough to lop off another few meters so long as everyone does it.

7. Downhill

I think that my favourite part of the course was the downhill section. It could have been a perfect course if they had taped off the hard path that ran down the middle of the downhill section so that you’d have to run downhill through the swamp instead we went from 7 minute miles through the uphill swamp to 5 minute miles down the hill with everyone desperately trying to find the hardest ground. 12mm spikes and rock hard gravel is not very pleasant.

8. The Swamp

I think that if I could have figured out a way to run through the swamp at the bottom of the course I could have beaten Michael Herlihy. The bottom of the course was a mystery to me, everyone else seemed to fly through it but every time I tried to turn at the final corner I came to a complete stop. There is no worse feeling in a XC race than when you put your foot in the ground and it doesn’t come out. The only worse feeling is when you see Michael Herlihy plowing through the same ground at twice the speed you are going with muck flying everywhere.

9. Like a Michael Herlihy in Muck

I think that there was no happier man in Limerick than Michael Herlihy, he was almost joyful, nearly smiling. I was ahead of him on the first lap but as we went onto the second lap he danced past clearly absolutely delighted with himself. It’s interesting that you can tell how happy someone is by the way they are running. Every step into the mud seemed to make him happier and happier. He was bouncing and ploughing his way through the swamp like a young bullock on his first day out of the shed.

10. The last will be first, and the first last

I think that these sorts of conditions should be mandatory for cross country. They turn the results from road races and road races on grass upside down, that’s the way it should be. I beat lots of people that beat me in the Abbotstown road race on grass and people I destroyed in that same race like Michael Herlihy beat me very badly in the muck. The only reason for cross country is to torment track and road runners. Despite my bad beating by Mike, the Leevale B team was still victorious in the battle of the B teams which proves nothing and probably doesn’t count as it was only 8k and not 10k. Hopefully the Nationals in Donegal will be in similar proper conditions; Donegal couldn’t possibly be dry could it?

Photo by Niall Moran

Cork County Masters XC 2022

10 Things I Think About The Cork County Masters XC

1. Beautiful Rain

I think all cross-country races should be run on ridiculously wet bank holiday Mondays. Monday was a beautiful cross-country day, the sort of dark wet day where you put a SAD lamp in your Amazon shopping basket. The rain was so bad that I warmed up at home in Glanmire before driving the fifteen minutes to White’s Cross aka John Meade land as I knew what was ahead.

2. Parking at the Gate

I think that calculating when to arrive at a cross country race is a skill as important as actually running. I got the timing for this race almost perfect. Because of the terrible rain they rattled through the juvenile program in an hour which is unprecedented, Michael Herlihy looked delighted to be leaving when I was walking in, I was equally delighted as I had managed to park right beside the gate because everyone else had left.

3. Field of Dreams

I think that it is very important to remind people of great races that you ran in the past in case that they forget. There isn’t enough of this on social media. This field at White’s Cross was the site of my greatest achievement before the photo of me beating John Meade in the Rebel Run 10k while coming second. It is an achievement which I rarely speak of. It was in this field in 2015 that I won the County Novice XC. It was a great run by me on that day in perfectly dry conditions. Conor McCauley never won the Novice nor did many other people.

4. Pat Murphy

I think that Pat Murphy would be an excellent name for John Meade. John Meade had difficulties with the entries so he had to take Pat Murphy’s number for the race. It suits him perfectly. It might be a good idea for Masters Cross Country for people to get to choose a new name, it might encourage more participation, a sort of a rebirth, a new career, no one would know what age you are then.

5. Michael Herlihy Tactics

I think that it is a pity that Michael Herlihy didn’t hang around in the ridiculous rain to watch my perfect imitation of his tactics. I imagine I ran the race like Mike would like to have run it if he had my current fabulous form. I didn’t go mad on the first lap and left John Meade and Kevin O’Brien take it on in that sort of way you can when you know that you have good form. I’m beginning to see the logic in not going mad on the first lap, it makes the rest of the race easier. If only someone had told me this years ago.

6. Equipment Selection

I think that this course had the perfect level of muck. It was not deep muck, it was 12mm spike muck. I might have gone with 15mm spikes, but I gave my bag of 15mm spikes to Paul O’Donovan last week and I was afraid to ask for them back because he has Olympic Medals, and I don’t. 12mm spikes were perfect anyway.

7. Hairpin

I think that the course layout was fantastic. There was a lovely hairpin at one part of the course where you could catch the stake and use it to leverage yourself around the corner. The rest of the course was lovely and flat with only muck to slow you down. It had lovely short sections of good ground where you could make an effort before slowing down for the very mucky sections. It was perfect, none of that continuous effort nonsense from Abbotstown, this was real cross country, the sort of course that track runners would hate.

8. The Banshees of Puigcerda

I think that John Meade is going to live to regret that race in Puigcerda where he arrogantly sat behind me for the whole race and then did just barely enough to beat me on the line. I will remember that race forever. Once I had gotten a gap on the group after two of the five laps all I thought about was that race in Puigcerda. I wanted to bury him by as much as possible. Kevin O’Brien was in between the two of us but all I was concerned about was making sure the gap to John Meade was huge

9. We won’t call it quits, we’ll call it the start.

I think that this race was a step closer to avenging the race in Puigcerda, once I crossed the line just ahead of Kevin O’Brien, I had to wait for fifty nine seconds (00:59) for John Meade to appear in third. I was tempted to go and get a coffee as I was nearly cold by the time he arrived, considering it was only 7000m, fifty nine seconds (00:59) was a desperate beating, a crushing, an annihilation on home turf and all. This is only the start, I hope, he won’t be able to go to a small local road race in peace again.

10. Dialed in Coffee

I think that my favourite part of this race was the presence of the Rooskagh coffee van in the middle of the field. We have come a long way as a country, you can now get a perfectly dialed in coffee in a farmer’s field immediately after a cross country race. An oatie, a coffee and destruction of John Meade, bank holidays don’t get much better than that.

Rebel Run 10k 2022

10 Things I Think About The Rebel Run 10k

1. Genetic Lateness

I think that I have a problem with lateness. I am eternally late for everything. It is terrible. I’m never late enough that I miss anything, but it is a very stressful way to live. I wish I could do something about it but unfortunately I think it is a genetic trait amongst Coakleys and there is absolutely nothing that can be done about it.

2. Parkenomics

I think that car parks are interesting. There was a big queue for the car park which amplified my lateness. John Meade helpfully jogged over to the car as we were stuck on Melbourn road about 30 minutes before the start to taunt me. When we finally reached the car park I realised what was causing the delay, the car park was being filled from the top. There must be a PhD in how to fill a car park, I imagine it is like a bottle where the first car in should go to the bottom.

3. Carbon Footprint

I think that making everyone collect the number the day before was a great idea as there was absolutely no queue for me on the day because I didn’t bother to drive out the day before. I’m not sure if it such a great idea on a carbon footprint basis as it is in effect doubling the amount of travel, I drive a dirty diesel, so I was doing the environment good by ignoring the email about collecting the day before. I think John Meade did the same as me.

4. Adrenaline

I think that one of the great things about being eternally late is that you have an eternal amount of adrenaline. When you arrive at a race with ten minutes to spare then you only need a five minute warmup because of the adrenaline. All of my best performance have been because of extreme lateness. It is a beneficial genetic trait, perhaps that’s why it has been passed down the generations.

5. The Kieran McKeown Course Accuracy Test

I think that this must be one of the best 10k courses in Cork. It passed the accuracy test which is if Kieran McKeown is giving out about it being long on the watch, then you know that it is an accurately measured course. The route is lumpy but wonderful, it’s a mixture of rolling roads and bike paths. The marshalling was excellent which is very important on a route like this as it would be very easy to go wrong.

6. Natural Order

I think that the first few miles of the race were a struggle. On the start line I was putting people into their various boxes trying to figure out who I would have to spend the race with. I put Anthony Mannix, John Meade and Keith Kelly into my box, Kieran McKeown wanted to be in the box but he threatened to thrown me into the flood at the speed bump so I didn’t put him in the box. After about a mile of the race my box prediction proved accurate.

7. Worst Clip Ever

I think that I was very lucky to survive the clip of a Vapofly that I received from Anthony Mannix just after 5k. Clipping someone in a race is forgivable if it is just the heel but side to side foot contact is borderline an attempted trip. I initially presumed it was John Meade tormenting me as you would never suspect Anthony Mannix of such a tactic. I didn’t actually find out the truth until after the race, he’s lucky because I might have mustered some motivation to try and beat him if I’d known.

8. The Distancing of John Meade

I think that dropping John Meade in a race is one of the great achievements in running. There are not many people in Cork who can say that they have dropped John Meade in a race. After about 7k I became a member of this exclusive club, to make it even better he was dropped on a hill which is like beating him on home turf. To be honest if it wasn’t for Anthony Mannix I don’t think the gap would have opened. I just followed Anthony, that was enough to drop John Meade.

9. Go on John Meade

I think that almost everyone wanted John Meade to catch me and beat me like he normally does. As we left the cycle path and headed back up the hill towards the track he was getting all sorts of encouragement, “Go on John Meade”, “Well done John”, “Only 20 metres”. I knew that 20 metres on John Meade with a section of track to finish is the same as no gap. Somehow I got to the entrance to the track still ahead, the atmosphere in the stadium was electric with 100s of John Meade fans surprised to see me 20m ahead of their hero but probably still confident of a victory by their hero.

10. Humble

I think that poor Anthony Mannix must have felt like he didn’t win. As I entered the home straight Anthony was crossing the line, all I could hear was a cacophony of “Well Done John, Go on John” as he roared after me down the home straight. Thankfully Michael Herlihy has taught me how to run fast so I was able to go just fast enough to hold John Meade off and cross the line gracefully and respectfully in second place. It’s very important to be humble on these occasions.

Autumn Open XC 2022

10 Things I Think About The Autumn Open XC

1. Masters Trial

I think that masters running is great. If it wasn’t for masters running, it would be hard to motivate yourself to drive all the way to Dublin for a cross country race on a course you detest. The definition of running old age is interesting as it is really up to you when you accept the game is up, signing up is really the beginning of a new career.

2. Beara to Abbotstown

I think that I did too much driving this weekend. Bere Island is much closer to Glanmire than Abbotstown but it take precisely the same amount of time to reach both. The drive and boat to Bere Island is much nicer. The boat gave me a good idea on how to solve the traffic in Dublin. Turn the M50 into a river and make everyone get a boat into the city, it would fix everything.

3. Spikes, Dragonflys and Vapoflys

I think that cross country is nearly worse than the road for shoe choice dilemmas. Michael Herlihy did a reconnaissance lap on the Saturday and reported back that the course was rock hard. Vaporflys are now legal for cross country, so I threw them into the boot just in case I had to fight fire with fire. Thankfully the only cheating taking place was dragonfly related which are based on the research probably worth 3.43% running economy. I stuck to my Brooks which was probably a bad decision.

4. Sand not Gravel

I think that this course is not being used as designed. I went back and looked at the website of the original course designers (who were actual horse course designers). The design specifically mentions sand sections. There are no sand sections. There is rock hard gravel which is a faster surface than the track at the Mardyke. We have enough road races and track races, they should at least make the course some bit challenging.

5. Carlos Sastre

I think that running the race in Bere Island the day before was a great idea. It meant that I really didn’t care about the race as I had an excellent excuse for Michael Herlihy and Viv beating me. Because I had nothing to lose I decided to try out some different tactics. I decided to warm up into the race like Carlos Sastre used to on the climbs to win the Tour De France and less memorably like Michael Herlihy did to finish an excellent 8th in the county senior a few weekends ago.

6. I Ain’t Worried

I think that this was the most fun I have ever had in a race. Because it is a glorified road race the race went off like a downhill 5k road race in south county Dublin would. I was miles back after half a lap but despite barely trying I was still ahead of Michael Herlihy, perhaps I had confused him by running like him. Viv was well gone and not to be seen.

7. Target Engaged

I think that it is very handy to have spotters on the course. By the third lap I had gotten going and started to mow people down. I wasn’t actually going any quicker it’s just that I didn’t slow down like the other runners. Rhona and Billy told me that Viv was up ahead, I looked for him but couldn’t spot him but as I reached the top of the hill I spotted him entering the gravel track section. I was so motivated by the thought of catching him, passing him and burying him that I jumped in the air and took off down the hill, at least I did in my own head.

8. Max Verstappen

I think that my overtake of Viv was one of the best overtaking maneuvers in a cross country race ever. It took until halfway through the last lap for me to get near him. It was beautiful, I swept around the outside of him through the gate that leads into the uphill section that is invisible to spectators and absolutely buried him up the hill. Declan Guina helped me then to open a huge gap on him over that last few hundred meters. It was definitely my best victory over Viv.

9. Perfect Pacing

I think that there should be an award sponsored by Strava for the nicest looking pace graph on Strava after the race. I think that I would definitely have won this award as my graph was very beautiful. I’m sure that Michael Herlihy was very jealous as he sat on the sofa with the laptop and a large glass of electrolyte drink analyzing how I destroyed him by forty five seconds which is ages. I might use this tactic again.

10. Seventh Best Priest

I think that it is just as well that I live in my own self-created world where I have victories over Viv and Michael Herlihy as in the real race for the M35 team I failed miserably and was beaten very badly. I was the seventh best moderately old man. Apparently only the first four moderately old men get automatically selected to buy their own Irish singlet so I will have wait for another year. It’s alright, I honestly don’t mind.

Bere Island 5 Mile 2022

10 Things I Think About The Bere Island 5 Mile

1. Island Life

I think that Bere Island is my favourite of all the small islands off the coast of Ireland. It is a very interesting little island. It’s sort of like where I grew up in the Galtees except that you can’t escape to the city without getting on a boat. The roads look identical and the hills were very similar.

2. Weather Forecast

I think that weather apps are too catastrophic with their colouring systems. I checked the windy app on Friday and Bere Island had red coloured wind. It looked terrible and there was constant rain forecast. It seemed like it would be impossible to get a boat to the island with red coloured wind and fast-moving arrows. When I got up on Saturday morning I looked out the window in Glanmire expecting the trees to be bending over but instead the leaves on the ground were barely moving so we hopped in the car for the two hour drive to the ferry from the pontoon.

3. Ferry

I think that getting to a race start by ferry is a great idea. I have a terrible fear of going on a ferry from when I was a child going across to Clare Island so I was very scared. Thankfully it was an excellent ferry like the one that goes from Passage to Cobh with absolutely no side to side motion and no risk of death.

4. GAA Island

I think that there must be a law that says there must be a GAA club on every island in the country. For the warmup we jogged over to the impressive GAA club to use the facilities. There doesn’t appear to be much GAA being played on the pitch as the grass was longer than the grass at the cross country race in Carrignavar. Perhaps they could convert it into an athletics track and turn the island into a running paradise. It has everything else, lots of hills and plenty of quiet roads.

5. Strava Routeplanner

I think that there aren’t many options for course designers on Bere Island. There are very few roads and only one of them has a loop. If you asked Strava for a five mile route on Bere Island I’m pretty sure the computer would come up with the Bere Island five mile loop.

6. Leevale

I think that the Leevale singlet is very scary. When we lined up for the start I was half horrified to see a young fella in a Leevale singlet. It is a very intimidating singlet, I think it’s the colours. I was thinking did Chris Harrington or Ken Nason send some young fella down on purpose to torment me, a new Charlie O’Donovan, he looked like he was. When we started, he kept up with me for about a mile. A mile is long enough for it to become worrisome.

7. Haute Category

I think that if it wasn’t for the gigantic, enormous hill in the second mile I might have had company for longer. The second mile of this race is indescribable. It is a hill unlike anything I have seen in a race in Ireland. It is remarkably steep, at least as steep as Patrick’s Hill. I was very glad of the huge hill as I had magic shoes unlike my fellow Leevaler so I was able to bounce right up to the top. If you had no magic shoes it would have been a very hard hill.

8. Sqaull

I think we were incredibly lucky that the weather apps got it all wrong. Before the race there was a weird squally shower, sort of like a mini hurricane that would last three minutes, it would have been impossible to run in that. Somehow during the race it was perfect, there was barely even wind, the sky might even have been blue. You could hear thunder in the distance which was kind of nice. Bere Island seems to have it’s own climate that weather apps can’t predict, it seemed to be terrible everywhere else nearby.

9. Rush Hour

I think that the last three miles of the race are lovely. Once the ridiculously steep massive hill was out of the way it became a lovely rolling slightly downhill run to the finish. Apparently, we took a detour to avoid a slippy road but I didn’t notice as the route seemed perfectly logical to me, I just followed the lead van which was fine until we encountered the only two cars on the island who were out for a drive. The roads are very narrow, so I had to wait while they maneuvered around each other, sure what harm, sure who’s in a rush on Bere Island.

10. Course Record

I think that course records are great. I like course records because they apply only to mad courses. When there is a course record you know that the route is mad so they have to have a course record so that people won’t be upset when their time isn’t as fast as it would be on the John Buckley 5k loop. In the end I only barely got it by about 10 seconds, I probably should have waited on the line until the time was just one second under and then stepped across so that it would be easier to break again next year like that guy in Spain did last week. I’m not sure if that would have gone down too well in West Cork.

Cork County Senior XC 2022

10 Things I Think About The Cork County Senior XC 2022

1. Countless Hills (and Laps)

I think that the new course in Carrigadrohid might be my favourite cross country course ever. I was getting a little bored of the old course layout, it was very good the first few times but familiarity breeds contempt. The new one in the same field is a triumph of imagination and cross country course design. Twenty hills in seven laps (depending on how you define a hill), sweeping bends, steep downhills, and wonderful long grass with bumpy ground rendering magic shoes utterly useless. If only it could have been wet.

2. Fourteen Times

I think that I might be able to beat Denis McCarthy’s record someday. My only complaint about the day was that there wasn’t a man with the mic doing excellent commentary and general announcements, well there was but he was very shy, the only thing he said all day was that this was Denis’s 40th County Senior which is very impressive. It was my 14th which is also impressive given how tanned and young looking I am. I’m confident I can do 40, the only ones I have missed have been because of stress fractures, I have no bones left to have stress fractures in so I should be good to go for 26 more.

3. Spikes

I think that people using Dragonflys on this sort of course shows you the power of Nike advertising. I can think of nothing worse to have attached to my feet in a farmer’s field than a rigid carbon plate with some squishy ZoomX foam. It cannot possibly help. It can only increase the risk of terrible ankle injuries. You need nice flexible cheap spikes so that when your foot hits the rutted hard unpredictable bump in the ground it can mould around it, grip it and push off without your ankle twisting.

4. Carbon Footprint

I think that it was a bit much of East Cork to be laughing at Leevale and our band of mercenaries from Donegal, Dublin, Wexford, Limerick, Tipperary etc when they had Kenyan and UK based arrivals to bolster their ranks. It was probably a fair battle in terms of long-term carbon footprints, although the East Cork team was probably a more geographical team than Leevale. It was always going to be a good battle.

5. Boxes

I think that one of the worst things about running is that after a while you get put in an ability box. For example, it is considered absurd, ridiculous, and outrageous for a known confirmed useless article like me from the 7th to 20th placed box to lead the race. I was not doing it like one of the teams in the Tour De France going in the breakaway so that their sponsors get attention, I wasn’t doing it for my YouTube channel, I wasn’t doing it for my sponsored blog, I went into the lead because it was fun and everyone else was jogging down the hill because they were terrified of the 18 hills that were left and I knew it would annoy people a little bit.

6. The Mini Hill

I think that the hardest hill on the course was the shortest hill. It was the second hill of the lap, a horrible little hill, way too steep for my long-tanned legs but perfect for the shorter untanned legs of the likes of John Meade. It was on the mini hill that my leading came to an end on the second lap and I was put back in my box by the better runners, fortunately John Meade and Michael Herlihy are also unwilling perhaps even unknowing inhabitants of that same box so there was plenty of fun left in the race.

7. Donal Coffey

I think that Donal Coffey enjoyed this race more than Michael Harty. I’ve never seen a man take such delight in the misery and suffering of one person, that person being his namesake. Every time I passed he tormented me by ignoring me and then shouting, “Well Done John Meade”, or “Well Done Mikey” even when they weren’t behind me. He was obviously thrilled when John Meade bustled past me on the mini hill. The “Well Done John Meade’s are definitely an advantage. I felt like I was an away team. I don’t know why I’m not supported.

8. Two Seconds of Hate

I think that John Meade had only one goal in this race and that was to beat me. This was one of my better battles with John Meade, normally our battles are not really fought out and it is more in my imagination, but this was a real battle. We must have exchanged places four or five times. I thought I had him on the ropes on the last lap as he looked very hunched over and started breathing audibly. I have never heard John Meade breathing in a race, but this was unmistakable suffering, gasping for air. It would have been wonderful to sail by him on that last hill but unfortunately, he had just enough to hold off my hatred by two short seconds.

9. The Terminator

I think that Michael Herlihy was like the cat who got the cream after the race, he was possibly as happy as I’ve ever seen a man who had finished 8th in race. Thrilled with himself, utterly delighted with his self-anointed Terminator style run, like a fella who had just run a 2:19 marathon in a pair of magic shoes. As I lay thrown on the ground after the race hoping that someone would take a good picture for the blog and Instagram, Mike stood over me and said “That was a terrible performance”, his justification being that I should have beaten him because of the one training session where I dared be ahead of him. Then someone asked him how he ran, and he said excellent and that he was very happy with it.

10. Medals

I think that we will have to appoint a team member to count the laps in Carrigadrohid in future. This is the second time where I have ended up with a medal I didn’t deserve because one of my teammates has counted the laps wrong in this hilly field. Last time it was Mark Walsh who got it all wrong, that was probably much worse as it cost us gold, this time poor Gavin did the same thing, sprinted on the second last lap thinking it was the last one and wasn’t able to finish. It wasn’t anywhere near as bad as Mark’s shocker though as it didn’t really impact the team result as East Cork were in dominating form. It did however give me an undeserved silver medal for fourth Leevale scorer which was nice. John Meade only got a bronze and Michael Herlihy got no medal, so I’ll take it.

Charleville Half Marathon 2022

10 Things I Think About Pacing The Charelville Half Marathon Badly

1. Charleville or Berlin

I think that it is terrible that I wasn’t able to race both Berlin and Charleville. I had a great feeling of sadness yesterday not to be doing either. Berlin had proper weather for once and Charleville would have been a great victory over Jeremy, John Meade and Mike Morgan, probably. Instead I agreed to Michael Herlihy’s request to pace 1:35 and save myself for the cross country.

2. Warm Up

I think that it is very difficult to know what sort of a warm up to do for pacing. I was half wrecked before the race as I had finished fourth or fifth in the session at the farm on Saturday morning beating Michael Herlihy significantly. It had been my first time in spikes in about 6 months so my calves were a bit tight. I settled for half a mile of a jog during which I met Jeremy who was devastated that I wasn’t racing.

3. Vietnam vs Indonesia

I think that one of the reasons Michael Herlihy gave me the 1:35 pace group is that it is probably what he thinks I would run for a half marathon if I didn’t have magic shoes. To prove him wrong I wore my simple non magic New Balance 880 V12s which were made in Vietnam. With New Balance shoes you have to get the ones made in Vietnam because the ones made in Indonesia fit a half a size smaller. I have told this story about New Balance shoes and where they are made to many people on runs but no one seems to be interested in it. I think it is fascinating.

4. Balloons and T-Shirts

I think that it was very kind of the Charleville half marathon to give all the pacers a free t-shirt and a free balloon. The Charleville t-shirts are very nice as they have lots of random sponsors sort of like the t-shirt you get at a Spanish road race. The balloon with 1:35 written on it was also very handy as I could give the balloon to Billy afterwards.

5. Kilometers or Miles

I think that when pacing a half marathon it is better to go off km pace than mile pace. 1:35 was 4:30 per km which is easy to remember. The problem is that GPS watches are terribly inaccurate lying machines which you can’t trust so you have to err on the side of 4:28 or so to account for the course being measured properly. This was what I was aiming for anyway.

6. Trickle-Down Economics

I think that Charleville is a very difficult course for a pacer. The first mile is a little bit downhill so you end up running it a bit faster. I’m still not sure if the pacer should run exactly the prescribed pace for this mile. I don’t think that would make any sense because the first mile isn’t the same as any other mile, it’s sort of like free money. Anyway I didn’t do that because I’m very logical, so we went through the first km in about 4 minutes. We then ran along the very flat and featureless road until we reached 10k at Kilmallock in about 44:20 which I thought was excellent pacing even though we had 40 seconds in the bank.

7. Sound of the Alphaflys

I think that the worst thing about pacing is that you must listen to Alphaflys for an hour and a half. They make a terrible terrible clapping sound. I’m not sure if I could stick it for a marathon. Unfortunately, due to Kipchoge’s world record I had to buy the orange pair immediately after the race so I’ll soon find out if they are as loud and awful when you wear them yourself.

8. Wind

I think that everyone in my pacing group should have thanked me when we turned back onto the main road after ten miles. There was no evidence of any wind before the start but by the time we arrived onto the road a strong headwind had developed. I gathered a bunch around me and gave them great shelter with my huge frame over the next three miles. Because of my quality pacing we had plenty of time banked to account for the headwind so we didn’t have to worry.

9. Quality of The Pacing

I think that anyone who complains about pacers should be banned from running a race ever again. Pacing is an incredibly difficult job, probably more difficult that race organiser. You have to account for winds, road surfaces, hills, downhills, humidity, GPS watches, magic shoes all while getting paid nothing. The only solution to avoid people complaining might be to get one of those pace lights like they have for the Diamond League or perhaps have electric bicycles with pace lights cast onto the ground behind them. That way it couldn’t possibly go wrong. I’m sure Michael Herlihy could sort this out. It’s probably the next step for the race.

10. Volunteering

I think that volunteering doesn’t suit me, it was awful to watch Jeremy, John Meade and Mike Morgan running times that I would have liked to have run, they were all too happy afterwards while I had to make do with the lesser endorphin hit of pacing albeit badly. My pacing was probably the only thing that wasn’t perfect about Charleville this year. Everything else, even the weather seemed to be perfect.