Castlegar Open XC

10 Things I Think About The Castlegar Open XC

1. Real Running

I think it has been too long since my last cross-country race. It’s been nearly a full two years which is about two years too long. Cross country is the best type of running, there are no magic shoes, no GPS watches, no pacing and no one cares what time you ran, it’s just about where you finished and who you beat.

2. Galway

I think that my hair felt at home in Galway, it is very Galway hair. People in Galway are very different and interesting unlike in Cork where they all wear the same clothes for fear of being noticed. No one had hair like me on the start line in Galway but there was an excellent Mohawk which is like the opposite of my hair, much more aerodynamic.

3. Saturday

I think that all races should be on Saturdays. I know lots of people work on Saturdays but they work on Sundays too. Saturday is so much better a day for a race, Sunday races interfere with Saturday whereas Saturday races interfere with nothing. 1245 is also an excellent time for a race.

4. Racecourse

I think that TV cameras are very bad at showing how hilly horseracing tracks are. You would think watching horse racing that horses don’t run up hills at all and that when the commentators are talking about the hill on the course they are talking about the sort of hill that Michael Herlihy says there is at the Farm. The racecourse in Galway is very hilly, undulating.

5. Winter

I think that it was very apt of the winter to show up for the race. It started raining just as we lined up for the start. It wasn’t like the rain that’s been around for the last few weeks which is pleasant to run in. This was proper cold Galway rain that makes you wish you weren’t wearing a singlet. It didn’t make any difference to the ground, but it made it feel like a proper cross country race.

6. Who’s Who?

I think that cross country attracts an entirely different crowd to the road racing scene. I was definitely one of the oldest people in the race and most of the runners probably didn’t have an Instagram account. The only one I really knew was Mark Walsh so I decided I would try and beat him for the day. The start of the race further confirmed my suspicion that everyone in the race was less old than me because it tore off like the start of the National Novice.

7. What a Course

I think that the course was excellent. A 2k lap normally feels desperate long but this lap was very short. There was everything, long grass, downhills, uphills, left hand turns, right hand turns and a jump over hay bales. The only thing I would change is to add more bales to the jump to make it higher and harder. This would be a better course for the All Irelands than that disgrace of a course in Abbottstown.

8. Not Too Bad

I think that I was very happy with my race after 3km. Liam Brady was just in front of me and I hadn’t seen Mark Walsh since the start. Then the adrenaline started to wear off and my shoelace started to loosen.

9. Wardrobe Malfunction

I think that I will have to tape my shoes with duct tape in future. It is a horrible feeling 3km into a cross country race to feel your shoe start to come loose. Then you feel the laces whipping your right leg. Then you start to slow because you are beginning to think about stopping to tie them and then Mark Walsh flies by confirming that you need to stop to tie them if you’re going to have any hope of catching him.

10. The Worst Mistake

I think that having shoelaces come undone is one of the worst things that could happen you in cross country race. It is entirely your own fault and it costs you the chance of losing in a sprint finish with Mark Walsh, instead you just get to lose miserably, watching him finish before cross the line yourself a few seconds later. I will have to come back next year to put it right.

Lakes 10k 2021

10 Things I Think About The Lakes 10k

1. Wicklow

I think Wicklow is a great place for a race when you are from Cork. It is just about far away enough to be novel. I was considering going to Tralee for a 10k but Wicklow was just as close.

2. Tower of Power

I think that I forgot how good the rice cake, banana and peanut butter tower of power is for racing. Nothing sits in the stomach better. I ate it last week too before a marathon session and it worked well with the Maurten gels. Avoiding calcium is crucial with the Maurten gels or you’ll develop desperate bad gut rot. Potassium is fine.

3. Rebel, Rebel

I think that if carbon plates weren’t allowed everyone would be racing in the shoe that I warmed up in. The New Balance Rebel V2. It is so nice to run in. It kind of gets you ready for running in the magic shoes as it is sort of magic but not magic.

4. Poor Guy

I think that start lines can be deceptive. I did my usual look around at the start. I’d already met Sergiu so I knew there was no hope of winning. I didn’t really know anyone else which was great. There was some poor fella with his arm in a sling who I presumed was probably trying to stay fit by running around.

5. Where’s the Lake?

I think that the first 2km of this race are great. I really enjoyed the gentle downhill start followed by the nice smooth flat road. I felt really good running a few 100m behind Sergiu in 2nd. The 2nd quickly became 3rd but I felt like I could run with the new 2nd. There was no sign of the lake.

6. Still No Lake

I think that the bit from 2k to 4k of the race was entirely uneventful. The scenery was that familiar Irish road race scene of dark grey tar and chippings with green and brown overgrown hedges either side topped with a grey sky. The only thing that happened was that 2nd got further away. There was still no sign of the lake.

7. Mount Lake?

I think that if you are going to have a 1km mountain in a 10k the most perfect position for the mountain is just before the middle between 4k and 5k. It splits the race up nicely, not evenly but nicely. The mountain was very hard, it wasn’t steep just long and climby. When you got to the top there was still no sign of the lake.

8. The Guy with his Arm in a Sling

I think that the last thing I expected to see at 8km was the guy from the start with his arm in a sling. My initial reaction was “ah jaysus”, followed by “he probably won’t be able to sprint”. Unfortunately he didn’t need to sprint as after a little rest while running with me he turned towards me high fived me with the good hand, said well done and sprinted off up the road.

9. There’s the Lake

I think that it was great to finally see the lake after 9k of the race. I was a little bit distracted by the prospect of being beaten by a guy with his arm in a sling but the lake was worth waiting for, a very beautiful lake. Then the lake was gone again and we were back to the hedges, tar and grey sky. I tried to catch the guy with his arm in a sling before the line but it was hopeless, if anything he got further away which was good in a way as I didn’t have to think about it.

10. Beatings

I think that finishing fourth to a guy who had his arm in a sling when there are only prizes for the first three is a very empty feeling. Hopefully I have taken all of my beatings for the year at this stage, between Lizzie and the guy with his arm in a sling it’s been a rough return to racing.

Galbally 10 Mile 2021

10 Things I Think About the Galbally 10 Mile 2021

1. DNA

I think that if I did a DNA test and they could test for Galbally they’d find a fair amount of Galbally in my blood. When I actually did the DNA test the report didn’t mention Galbally but it did report 0.5% Sardinian. Sardinian hertiage is much better than Galbally although both are very beautiful in the sunshine.

2. Running Disease

I think that there is a terrible disease circulating amongst local runners. It is a terrible disease with no known cure and definitely no vaccine. It is called the Marathon. It primarily affects the brain and causes athletes to do silly things like long warm-ups and makes them avoid the stuff they should be doing like cross country and track. Some of them even go so mad as to avoid all other races other than marathons.

3. Earliness

I think it is amazing how early people are for things. I was abnormally early for the race because of the marathon disease which meant that my brain thought it would be a good idea to do 8 miles before the race. The race didn’t start until 11 yet people were arriving at 9.30. I’ve never understood earliness, it is much more fun to cut it tight and to be desperately trying to pin a number onto a singlet 5 minutes before the start, it gets the adrenaline going better.

4. Abbey

I think that the start of the race was beautiful. It was actually in Tipperary as it was across the river just after the abbey and all the Limerick flags. I don’t know anything about the abbey but I presume there were monks in it ages ago when people didn’t do races.

5. Next%2

I think that the Next%2 is not as good as the original Next%. It is definitely less magic than the original Next%. The sizing was so different I had to get a UK12 instead of a UK13 in the original. It feels like they made the foam less boucy/magic and the laces are the worst laces ever made. I might have to try the AlphaFlys as I no longer feel like I am cheating. A fella passed me in them today and it reminded me of when I first saw magic shoes. It could also be that my brain has normalised the bounciness.

6. Trip to Tipp

I think that I know the road between Galbally and Tipperary too well. I never ran it or cycled it before because you’d normally be killed but it was perfectly safe in the race. I don’t know how the organizers made it so safe but they did a great job.

7. More Hills Please

I think that flat road races should be illegal, if you want to run a flat course put on a pair of spikes and head to the track. Course records need to become a thing, not every race can be a flat boring breaking 2 science experiment so that everyone can go on Facebook afterwards and tell everyone about their PB. This was a proper course for proper runners.

8. Ice Towel

I think that people are too quick to tell me to cut my hair. It is actually a wonderful thing to have a mane in a hot race where they are giving out cold water. Normally when you have short hair like everyone else the water goes down your back into your shoes which is horrible. With a thick mane the cold water is retained cooling your head and neck. It’s a wonderful feeling.

9. Weeeeee

I think that the best part of this course is the last mile. It really is wonderful. It’s very very fast and very beautiful with the Galtees on your right. I was amazed at how fast I was able to run the last mile considering how bad I felt. It must be very downhill.

10. Mugs

I think that mugs are about the only thing that is a useful memento from a race. Mugs are great as unlike T-shirts it’s hard to make a bad mug, the Galbally mug was a good mug. I’d love to do this race again once I have recovered from the marathon disease. It’s a proper race.

Kilgobnet 4 Mile 2021

10 Things I Think About The Kilgobnet 4 Mile Road Race

1. K is for Kilgobnet

I think it is good to run races in places that you’ve never been to before. I’d run races in Beaufort lots of times but I’d never made it to Kilgobnet. John Meade told me that Kilgobnet means Gobnait’s Church. Gobnait is a lovely name.

2. Pattern Day

I think that this race must have been some sort of pattern day festival race. All I remember about the Pattern was that you didn’t go through Ballylanders on Pattern Day. Kilgobnet seemed lovely and there was no traffic.

3. Variant Vaporflys

I think that my green pair of Next%s are not as bouncy as my pink pair. The difference is very noticeable, I am concerned that they are counterfeit and not actually magic shoes, I might send them back to Nike. They are newer so perhaps they just need to be broken in, it could also be that I am not fit or have run out of talent.

4. A Game

I think that it was foolish to think that I could beat John Meade in a race like this. He really brings his A-game to these small festival races in small villages miles from anywhere, they really are made for him. I knew he was taking it seriously because he wouldn’t do a long warm-up so I had to complete the warm-up on my own.

5. Hairy Start

I think it was good to see a man who had both more height and more hair than me on the start line. It turned out that he was also much faster than me.

6. Surge Capacity

I think that I had way too much hatred for the first two miles of the race. I really really wanted to be able to stay with John Meade and the other hairy tall runner. I was doing fine until about 2 miles when there was a little hill. John Meade did that horrible surging that he does on little hills, it’s incredible how annoying it is. I was so angry that I sprinted up the hill to try and stay with him, I managed to get up the little hill still in contact but I completely wrecked myself doing it.

7. The Lonely Mile

I think that the first of the two left turns on the course was pretty much the end of my race. It came just after the small hill and I was completely gassed after trying to match Meade’s desperate surge. Meade and the tall hairy man took the corner dangerously fast and disappeared off up the narrower road. I was left on my own waiting for the inevitable arrival of Kieran McKeown. I must have been running quite quickly because it took Kieran a full mile to catch me.

8. The Envelope Race

I think it was inevitable that Kieran McKeown was going to outsprint me. When we got to the final and only right turn, I got it terribly wrong. I left Kieran take the inside line, nearly broke my ankle trying to make the turn in the magic shoes and barely got any faster when I tried to sprint. It was desperately pretty pathetic and I deserved to be beaten, to make it worse there was no white envelope for fourth place.

9. Classic Courses

I think that all races should be run on courses like Kilgobnet. It was a proper course, sort of like one of the old Ballycotton 5 mile series courses, it even had grass down the middle of the road for the last mile. The GPS might have measured it 0.05 miles short of 4 miles but anyone who complains about that should be sent back to the City and forced to run perfect GPS time trials around Monaghan Road for all eternity.

10. Poor John Meade

I think my favorite part of the day was watching poor John Meade have to watch the tall hairy runner accept the lovely perpetual trophy for winning the race. It was a very sad sight as he stood to the side while the tall hairy man accepted the lovely trophy, you could almost see John thinking, that should have been me. Hopefully, I will be the tall hairy man accepting the trophy ahead of John Meade soon.

Kilbeggan 10 Mile

10 Things I Think About the Kilbeggan 10 Mile

1. Where’s That

I think that Kilbeggan is the perfect place for an All Ireland road race, it’s about 2 hours from everywhere including Cork. People came from everywhere for the race. I didn’t see anyone from Gdansk but I reckon every county in Ireland was represented.

2. Contactless Silent Race

I think that if you didn’t like people, were scared of them or are a Buddhist monk, then races at the moment are for you. They post the number out to you so you don’t have to talk to anyone to get your number. You just rock up at the start, run the race and then go home. Even if you win they seem to give you your brown envelope as you cross the line. It’s kind of great and kind of terrible.

3. Running Crows

I think that I was genuinely scared during the warm-up. I was about 0.75miles out the road when I heard the unmistakable sound of a shotgun. My brain did some calculations and concluded that the most likely scenario was that a person who dislikes disease ridden runners had decided to take drastic action and shoot them before they raced spreading their diseases. I reckoned there was at least a 40% chance of it being a lunatic with a gun so I turned around and jogged the other way. I think it was just a fella scaring crows. I now know what crows feel like.

4. Ageing Shoes

I think my Next%s are getting a bit old, they are almost 2 years old which for Next%s is very old. They still seem to work but John Walshe said they look worn out. I might have to get a pair of Next%2s. Kipchoge wears them instead of Alphaflys so they must be good.

5. Charleville +2.5% gradient

I think that the Kilbeggan course was pretty much identical to the Charleville marathon route except that someone edited the course on Strava removed 3.1 miles in the middle and added approximately 2.5% to every conceivable gradient. There were no actual big hills but I don’t think any of it was actually flat.

6. Longest 5k Ever

I think that the first 5k of this race was soulless. God it was miserable. It was uphill into the wind on the hard shoulder of a wide-open road in Westmeath. It seemed to go on forever and ever, one of those roads that could be anywhere in rural Ireland, all it needed was rain to make it properly miserable. The width of the road made it seem like we were only crawling along which we probably were given the wind.

7. Kind Kieran

I think that Kieran McKeown is a nice man. I presumed that he would do the same as he always does and sit behind me for 95% of the race before running away from me at the end. My presumption was wrong as I wasn’t fit enough for the distance to be of any help to him in this race. Because the first 5k was so depressing I was starting to give up a little. Thankfully kind Kieran encouraged me to stay with him which I did for about 8 miles.

8. Rolling Road

I think that the rest of the route was lovely. I really liked the rolling bog road from mile 3 to 9. It went by so quickly, there were lots of things to look at and the road surface changed from smooth tarmac to tar and chippings to make things interesting. The ditches were nice and close, which made it seem like we were flying along which we weren’t.

9. TT Racers

I think that the TT Racers singlet is really annoying. Just before the finish, a TT Racers singlet came flying past me. Owing to the last 18 months I have developed an intense hatred of time trials . I was so distracted by how annoyed I was at the thought of a time trial that I forgot to race the guy in the TT Racers singlet. Time trials should be banned forever. The word needs to be canceled.

10. More Races

I think that I will just keep racing every weekend. I love racing, there are lots of races everywhere except Cork although even that seems to be changing. I would still like a midweek BHAA race but you couldn’t blame anyone for not wanting to organize one at the moment given the red tape and hoop jumping that needs to be done. Hopefully, the hoops, yellow signs and the red tape will be put away soon.

Munster Masters 3000m 2021

10 Things I Think About the Munster Masters 3000m

1. I Really Shouldn’t Be Here

I think I shouldn’t have been as afraid of becoming a masters runner. It has always been a great fear of mine. I used to see people like John Meade and Donal Coffey and think, that’ll never happen to me. Then it did.

2. The Poor Relation

I think what I saw outside The Poor Relation on Saturday at 10am might have been a sign from God. There was a man with similar hair to me, sitting outside the pub with a glass of wine and a pint of Guinness. I thought to myself he probably didn’t bother with masters athletics.

3. Track Work

I think that I will have to do some more track work if I’m ever to beat Viv on the track. My prep for this race was 4x200m on Thursday and Friday. It’s a different sport to the road and cross country.

4. Magic Spikes

I think that the magic Dragonfly spikes aren’t half as magic as the magic shoes. They aren’t bouncy, all they really do is make it possible to walk without significant pain the next day. The Dragonflys are an improvement but they don’t turn donkeys like me into racehorses.

5. Templemore

I think that every small town should be like Templemore with a lovely park and a lovely track in the centre of the town. This is what I imagine the country would be like if the GAA took over Athletics Ireland.

6. Vaporfly Police, Arrest This Man

I think that the main offical did a great job of policing the Vaporflys. God it was great, I’d loved to have been doing it. The official almost took as much pleasure from it as I would, “Are those Nike Vapourflys? They’re banned, as bad as doping, and don’t get me started on doping”. The poor man with the Vaporflys had to scuttle away and change into non-magic shoes. It was wonderful, possibly the best thing that has ever happened at a race.

7. 1600m

I think that a 3000m race is one of the most disgusting races you can run. It is pure pain, pretty much an all out sprint. I was pretty ok for the first four laps sitting behind Viv who was sitting behind Dermot Kearns who I had advised Viv was a potential adversary. Once we went through the mile my throat started to hurt.

8. 1 Km

I think that the second kilometer of the 3000m doesn’t actually start until after a mile. It is the hardest part of the race. I knew this, I don’t know why I lost contact with Viv and Dermot but I did. It kind of just happened gradually. To make it worse a fella from Thurles danced around me and easily bridged the gap up to Viv, he was wearing Air Zoom Victories so perhaps I need to get a pair of them, perhaps they’re the true magic spikes.

9. 400m

I think that the last 400m is actually the easiest part of the race. You know that the pain is going to be over soon so you might as well suffer a bit more. I tried to motivate myself by thinking of how embarrassing it was to be badly beaten by two M50s and an M40 but it didn’t work. I ended up in fourth about 15 seconds behind Viv but crucially and vitally the first moderately old man with excellent hair in the M35 category.

10. The Future

I think that masters running is great, I really enjoyed it. It’s sort of like starting running all over again. M35 is a totally ridiculous category, fellas have won Olympic medals over 35, but after a full year without races, anything that means at least three more cross country races every year is a great thing.

I used “Track Mode” on the Garmin Forerunner 945 for the race. It works sort of like the watch works in the swimming pool, it autolaps every 400m and overrides the GPS so you get an accurate distance and pace.

Grange Fermoy 4 Mile 2021

1. Two Hundred

I think I am afraid that in 10 years time we will still be limited to 200 people in a race. Too risky will be the reason, no one will question why because they’re fed up with being shouted at and to be honest 200 is just fine.

2. Pre Race Prep

I think I forgot how to get ready for a morning race. I will have to go back to the tower of power. Coffee and half stale toasted bread with raspberry jam while watching the Olympics doesn’t go down well. Thankfully there was the most spotless portaloo I’ve ever seen at the start.

3. New Course

I think the last minute change in course made no difference. It was still four miles on the backroads around Fermoy. A little undulating but nothing worthy of comment if you were on a bike. It was a good honest course perfectly marshaled and perfectly organized.

4. The Battle of the Bouncing Hair

I think that my main concern before this race was being beaten by the only person who has bouncier hair than I do. I feared it greatly, so much that I contemplated avoiding racing until I get a bit fitter, but that would have been cowardly and I’m not a coward.

5. Hope

I think that asking the people who hope to run under 20 minutes to come to the front of the start was a bad idea. Most people on the line hoped to run under 20, hope is a great thing.

6. Comfortable

I think that it was a good idea to go off a bit cautiously. I didn’t really have any choice because the race tore off at a ludicrous pace which was obviously mad. It was like when you see someone driving too fast and slow down because you become aware of the danger. It was a dangerous pace.

7. Concrete

I think that people need to study physics, it is very obvious that magic shoes work better on concrete. The harder the surface the higher the bounce, especially on a warm day when the tarmac is soft and melting. I had to tell the group I was running with that the concrete was faster and sure enough we started to catch the tarmac group ahead.

8. Clipped

I think that I shouldn’t have let my worst fears get the better of me. The first time I became aware of the presence of Lizzie was at about three and a half miles when she clipped my legs. I’m presuming this was deliberate to get into my head. It definitely affected me. Shocking stuff really.

9. Chick’d

I think that I need to work on my psychological resilience. I should not have let Lizzie and her guide Kieran McKeown bounce and waltz away from me. I should have dug in and used my anger to force my magic shoes into the ground harder but I didn’t. Instead I gave up and thought about how Micheal Herlihy would be laughing at me.

10. Revenge

I think that I will have to get revenge for this. The taunting when we crossed the line was unnecessary, I would never and never have taunted anyone after beating them badly. There is only one solution, more, more running, more training and more time. Form is temporary, I hope.

North Cork A.C 5K 2021

10 Things I Think About The North Cork A.C 5K

1. One Year to Become Perfect

I think if you’d told me I’d have a full year between races I’d have told you I’d train perfectly and be in the best shape ever. Unfortunately, two broken metatarsals and a broken fibula meant that the full year of training became seven months of training and five months of injury. A missed opportunity.

2. Fatopotamus

I think the key to returning from injury is to avoid becoming a Fatopotamus while injured. I think I did well on this front.

3. Tyre Strategy

I think that it was a difficult choice which shoes to wear for the 5k in Doneraile Park. Three out the five kilometers were on a rough enough trail, bumpy and lumpy. While the magic shoes are essential for making you faster than you actually are they are dangerous on rough ground due to their 40mm stack height. An additional 40mm in height makes toppling over a real risk. I thought a lot about wearing regular flats to reduce the risk but I was terrified of getting a desperate beating so I was willing to risk a broken ankle. Everyone else except Michael McMahon wore magic shoes, even John Meade.

4. Da Vax Scene

I think that it is amazing that I am still able to run after the inoculation for the disease that shall not be named. It’s a very excellent inoculation. My extreme hairiness has absolutely nothing to do with the da vax scene, I promise. That’s the Alpecin shampoo.

5. No Frills

I think that the North Cork A.C 5k approach is the way to go with races. It was very efficient, sort of like da mass vax scene centres, in and out in about 16 minutes. I don’t need anymore t-shirts, I don’t need anymore medals, I just want a race, a marked measured course and a clock. That’s it. Pretty simple.

6. First Corner

I think that it was very important that I got to the right first corner by the big tree first. Both for my confidence, my safety and my ego. I can’t corner at all in magic shoes as they make me about 190cm tall. I tore off at the start so I was able to take the corner nice and slowly. The corner slowed me down a lot, seven people overtook me and that was pretty much the end of the race. It stayed that way until the end.

7. Training is not Necessary

I think that after a mile I thought that training wasn’t necessary at all. I was happy out running a 5-minute mile just off the front of the race. Not too bad after pretty much three months of zero running.

8. Training is very Necessary

I think that after two miles it became abundantly clear that training is very necessary. The last mile was very terrible. It was nearly 50 seconds longer than the first mile, which is pretty bad. No one passed me which was good and justified my tactics, but it was very depressing to see the two Michael’s disappear into the distance when I briefly thought that beating them was possible.

9. Time Trials

I think that it’s a great pity that my amazing time trials at the start of the year are as worthless as a ticket for the Tokyo Olympics. Like everyone else my time trials were unbelievable. I got nowhere near my time trial times today.

10. Anger is Fuel

I think that I missed races a lot. The last year was a desperate year to be a runner, the disease that shall not be named meant that people thought it was acceptable to flap and shout at runners in the street every single day, it was like a national obsession, there were even radio programs asking “Should you be worried about sweaty mouth breathing joggers?”. It was desperate and it made me very angry. Instead of reacting, I have carefully stored this anger as fuel for racing. I have lots and lots of fuel, at least a year’s worth of pure undistilled racing anger. I hope I get to use it all up. It would be a shame not to.

Grange Fermoy 4 Mile 2020

10 Things I Think About The Fantastic Grange Fermoy 4 Mile

1. An Rud is Annamh is Iontach

I think that less races is better. No races is definitely terrible but perhaps we had too many races before. This was a proper race, a real race, no nonsense, no money, no prizes and no shiny medals. It was less than 200 people trying to find out who’s the best at running 4 miles. Because there were no other races on, everyone was there, everyone.

2. Doublethink

I think it shows you how messed up this country is that the pubs were open before there was a road race in Cork. It doesn’t take a masters in public health to figure out that pubs are very dangerous dens of disease and small local road races are not.

3. Prohibition

I think that we should ban running every few years to increase participation levels. There was clearly a lot of training going on over the last few months judging by the standard of this race. That or a lot of online shopping on Nike .com

4. Billy and the Stress Fracture

I think that I had two excellent excuses for my performance today. I spent four weeks doing nothing because of a second metatarsal stress fracture in May. Then just as I’d gotten over the stressie, Billy arrived. I think I’d take Billy over a stress fracture any day. Billy permits ample running, stressies do not.

5. Magic Shoes

I think that the magic shoes make it so much easier to comeback after a stress fracture. Normally it would take 12 weeks to be able to tolerate sessions and races after a stressie but with the nice soft springy Vaporflys you could probably race even when you had the stress fracture. They really are magic.

6. Hairy Beasts

I think that it is a shame that only myself, Barry and Conor have maintained the lockdown look. Initially, I went down the top knot/mini man bun route but recently I have discovered hairbands which are far better. I think I’ll keep the hair, the beard might go.

7. Social Distancing

I think that Grange Fermoy did an excellent job on the race. It was far more socially distanced than any GAA match you’d watch through a fence. The hall which is the primary source of most pre and post race infections and diseases was exchanged for a beautiful white outdoor Gazebo. It was like a race in Spain, just with a bit of wind and a few threatening sprinkles of rain. Everyone lined up on excellently socially distanced blue Xs. We were called to the line a few seconds before the start and away we went like normal minus the pointless touching and jostling like penguins behind the line. Perfect. Almost better than before.

8. The Old Normal

I think that no matter what happens I will always end up racing John Meade and Viv. I was pretty sure I was done with them last year but the stress fracture has made me quite bad. John Meade still hasn’t given Nike a shiny penny, in-fact he hasn’t given any shoe companies any pennies. He’d probably be disadvantaged even if there weren’t Vaporflys. In fairness to Viv at least he beat me badly, John Meade just sat on me until the last 100m and then sprinted away like a man who was delighted with himself. To make it worse he brought Kieran McKeown with him.

9. Can We Do This Again?

I think we need more club only races. I love a big huge race as much as anyone but there is something special about these races where everyone is capable of running under 22 minutes for 4 miles. It was like the All Ireland Cross Country on the road. Standards are good.

10. Living is Better than Existing

I think that it is great to be back racing. I know runners are awful selfish sweaty creatures who look like the perfect vehicles to spread disease but really we are no worse than GAA players. Life is definitely better when there are races, races are definitely better when Grange Fermoy organize them. I hope there are more.

Duhallow 10 2020

10 Things I Think About The Duhallow 10

1. The Future

I think that races like the Duhallow 10 are the future of running. There is no point in entering any big city marathons as they will all be canceled forever according to Twitter. We will all have to stay at home and race each other for fear of encountering a diseased person. It’ll be like the 80s again, be great.

2. Jeyes Fluid

I think they should have clarified whether the disinfectant wipes outside the registration were because of the Coronavirus or because the registration was in a Nightclub in Newmarket.

3. Sold Out, Sort Of

I think that the concept of a race that is sold out but has entries on the day is unusual. I doesn’t really make sense but sure nothing really makes sense at the moment. I entered the sold-out race on the day, it was very straight forward. I was kind of hoping that everyone else would have been scared off by the sold-out sign but that hope was quickly extinguished by the sight of Hiko bounding up the road towards the start.

4. Gerry Adams

I think that our new Sinn Fein overlords will be very happy with my excellent furry beard. The beard is a legacy of the weird unusual viral fever that I had in Madrid at New Years which definitely wasn’t the Coronavirus. I was too sick to shave and by the time I had recovered a full beard had grown, possibly a side effect. I liked it so I kept it. It might come in handy if there’s another General Election and Sinn Fein need a few more yellow dog candidates. I’m not sure if it improves my running.

5. Vaporfly Bump

I think that the new way to shake hands at a race start line is to bump Vaporflys. I don’t think the virus lives on shoes so we should all be fine even if the shoes were made in countries that are even more riddled with the virus than Cork. No one was shaking hands anyway so we are all grand.

6. Looks Like Rain Ted

I think that it was immediately obvious that we were going to get horribly cold and wet during the race. All you had to do was look at the big black sky that we were running into. It was like one of those apocalyptic tornado films, only we were running into the Tornado.

7. Hailstones are Temporary, Quitting is Forever

I think that the conditions between mile 3 and 4 of this race were the worst I have ever run in. There was no one there to photograph it because it was ungoableoutable in but trust me it was exceptionally bad. The wind was ridiculous, hurling tiny pointy cold hailstones into your face. It was almost stop and go home weather but with an out and back course, there’s no point in quitting.

8. The Chickens and Kieran

I think that the four little chickens that took shelter behind my giant furry frame all the way from mile 2 to mile 5 were very lucky. Kieran McKeown was so well sheltered that he didn’t even realize that there were hailstones.

9. 5 Mile Race

I think that this was actually a 5 mile road race. With the wind, hail and pestilence it was very hard not to end up running in a group for the first 5 miles. When we turned at the cone and ran back to Newmarket the fun started. It’s definitely the first race that I’ve run miles beginning with a 4, a 5 and a 6.

10. Operation Punish McKeown

I think that the last 5 miles were great fun. I was feeling a lot of hate towards the chickens that I had towed up the hill through the squall so I was determined to drop the lot of them on the way home. The magic shoes are great because they allow me to actually do this and not just try to and fail miserably like used to happen. To be honest I was happy as long as I dropped Kieran badly which I did. In the end only one of them beat me. I hope Twitter forgets about the virus soon, I prefer Spain.

Dungarvan 10 2020

10 Things I Think About the Dungarvan 10

1. Non Runner

I think that it was very foolish to bet Michael Morgan that I’d beat him in Trim this weekend. The bet was a pair of the shoes on which World Athletics placed a moratorium on on Friday. I went so far as to book and cancel a hotel in Trim, yes there are hotels in Trim. Then I thought about it and realised that I’d much rather go to Dungarvan and beat John Meade again.

2. Breakfast

I think that my preparation for this race was almost perfect. I slept excellently until 10am, then I got up and had an excellent breakfast of ciabatta toast, raspberry jam and four nespressos. I’d have preferred a croissant but Glanmire isn’t great for the croissants.

3. Run with Science

I think that the longer I spend running the less it makes any sense to me what works and what doesn’t. The one thing that I have concluded is that there is absolutely no correlation between easy pace runs and race pace, none, I’m about as slow as I’ve ever been on easy day. It might even be a negative correlation, it makes no sense anyway. Runners World was right all along, run slower get faster.

4. It’s Not Barcelona

I think I had to trick myself about where this race was on today. I really don’t like running 10 mile races in Ireland in February. The last time I ran in this race there were hailstones, ice and silly ridiculous wind. I swore I’d never do it again ever. It’s nothing against Dungarvan, in fact Dungarvan is like a town I’d design, it’s just I really don’t like the weather in Dungarvan in February.

5. Yes it’s a real beard

I think that my beard has significantly improved my running. It’s an accidental beard. I forgot to shave when I was in Spain at Christmas and I thought it looked excellent when I got back. I think the beard is making me more aerodynamic, the hairs are like the dimples on a golf ball, they create turbulence which reduces the drag around my big head.

6. Professor of Cunning at Oxford University

I think that I have become much less bad at racing. After the first two miles of the race, that horrible Dungarvan Mistral became a factor. I was in a little East Cork group with the two Kevin’s and Noel Murphy from Waterford. In the past I’d have happily burnt myself out running into the headwind like a hero, but I’m a lot cannier now, after a few 100m of pointlessly running into the Mistral I shouted “This isn’t an effin train”. All I heard back was “I’m already blown”. Then I got some help. Many legs make make light wind.

7. Applied Maths

I think that this race would make an excellent Applied Maths question. 3000 runners, 50% of whom are wearing trampolines which increase their stride length by 0.07m/stride are running a 10 mile road race. The runners are running into an 11m/s headwind. Please calculate whether the runners will be happy with their times or not. The answer is no, runners are never happy, ever.

8. The Bad Place

I think that the one thing that I don’t like about 10 mile races is that you never really get to the bad place like you do in a 5k or a 10k. If you ever get to the bad place in a 10 mile race it’s all over. You need to be able to see the bad place but never feel it. Look but don’t touch.

9. Joe

I think that it was very surprising to see Joe just after mile 9. I was delighted because one of the marshalls told me that I was 10th as I passed her. I was thinking of all the great things that finishing 10th would bring like money. Then Joe bustled past. I hadn’t seen Joe all race and had no idea what shape he was in because he has gone dark on Garmin Connect. I still felt reasonable which was very unusual so I sprinted after him down the hill. This was a very very bad idea, just as I made my big sprint my right hamstring cramped and I had to let Joe and the money go.

10. Derek Redmond

I think that I was lucky to finish the race. When my hamstring cramped there was about 400m to go. I knew that I could still keep going as it was just a big cramp so I just slowed down and minded myself to the line. Only Paul Moloney went by me so I can’t have been that bad. I did consider doing a Derek Redmond and stopping and walking, especially as it happened in front of John Treacy, he might have helped me across the line, either that or he would have given out to me about my shoes.

Raheny 5 2020

10 Things I Think About The Raheny 5 Mile 2020

1. Best Race in Ireland

I think that the Raheny 5 mile might be the best race in the country. The times were amazing. 22 minutes for 5 miles is ridiculous, silly stuff, if it was a road race in Saransk in Russia everyone would call B.S, but it’s not in Russia it’s in North Dublin just off the M50. 22 just isn’t a number you associate with 5 miles. It doesn’t make any sense, but then they don’t have Vaporflys in Saransk. 

2. Air Quality 

I think that it was nice to be back running in nice clean air. Cork was a polluted smoggy mess all week because there was no wind to blow away the smokey coal. Raheny was very nice, definitely good air, no taste of coal. 

3. 4000

I think it seems impossible that there could be 4000 people running in Raheny. Somehow it’s one of the last few races in the country that isn’t sold out. The only problem is that 4000 people and a startline is never a good idea. Everyone can run fast for 100m. 

4. Garda 

I think that the poor Garda on the motorbike would have been in big trouble if it wasn’t for me clearing a path for him around the first bend. There seemed to be a bit of confusion with the start, in that the runners on the line just decided to start the race themselves. The Garda bike got swamped. I don’t know how he got going in the chaos but I  could hear him behind me so beckoned him around the outside of the first corner. I don’t know how he didn’t run someone over. It was kind of exciting. 

5. Bananas

I think that the first mile of that race was properly insane. I didn’t think that I could run a 4:50 mile but apparently in a pair of Vaporflys I can. Even doing that pace I was miles and miles back, depressingly far back, I felt like giving up and going home. Then I saw Fionnuala McCormack up ahead and realised that I wasn’t doing too bad. 

6. Hate

I think that I was missing a vital ingredient in this race. There was no one that I really wanted to beat badly, no one. It’s very hard to run without the incentive of administering a bad beating, it’s an excellent fuel, much better than carbohydrate. I need to develop more enemies. Beating people is one of my main reasons for running. 

7. Election Posters

I think that I knew I was getting tired when I started noticing the election posters after about 3 miles. Up to that point I’d seen nothing, no mile markers no posters nothing just a flurry of multicolour Vaporflys and Fionnuala Britton’ New Balances. 3 miles is a good long way to get without thinking or seeing. 

8. Next% Noise

I think that the sound of a road race has changed forever. You can’t tell if someone is running behind you if you’re wearing a pair of Next%s as one person sounds like two people. They kind of clap off the ground twice, it’s not a pleasant noise. Two people sounds like four people. Very noisy. 

9. Eternal Happiness 

I think I’ve finally realised that I’ll never be happy with a time no matter how fast I run. There is no such thing as happiness with a time, it doesn’t exist. 29, 28, 27, 26, 25, all irrelevant, the happiness just moves, like a carrot, a carrot that cannot be eaten. 

10. Nike 3.7%

I think that I finally have scientific evidence of how much faster the Next%s are than my old Brooks Ghosts. I ran this race last year in almost identical weather conditions and similar shape, any improvements from training were probably negated by the remnants of the Spanish disease I picked up in Madrid. This year I was 3.7% faster but 2 places further back so technically I got worse. Running is confusing. 

San Silvestre Vallecana 2019

10 Things I Think About The San Silvestre Vallecana

1. Spanish Flu

I think that I picked up some sort of Spanish combination bug in Seville or Chipiona. It’s been very bad, it’s like a stomach bug combined with a headcold, a sort of hybrid disease. I’ve had no appetite and been hot and cold at the same time for about 3 days. Awful. I still had to run the race. I couldn’t go all the way to Madrid and not try.

2. Omertà

I think that Cathal Dennehy is the Paul Kimmage of running. Everyone was happy, all the runners were very happy, it was grand, the omertà was holding. No one needed to know the reason we were all going faster. Then he spat in the soup. My mother even sent me the article after I won the race in Chipiona. She said I shouldn’t be cheating and wearing the shoes. Actually no she said well done and to get her a pair of them too.

3. The Real San Silvestre

I think that the San Silvestre Vallecana in Madrid is the best race I’ve ever run. There were 40,000 in the popular race and 2,000 in our race which had the elite runners in it. It’s incredible, the atmosphere, the course, the darkness, the crowds, the lights, the temperature everything is perfect. I’d like to do it every year.

4. Imperdibles

I think that it is a uniquely Spanish thing not to give you safety pins with your race number so that you have to go to a Merceria to buy them. The lady in the shop was delighted to sell us them for €2. I was delighted that I knew the Spanish for safety pin.

5. Decathlon

I think that decathlon is good but terrible. It is very cold in Madrid at night so we had to get some spare clothes that could be disposed of if there wasn’t a bag drop. The problem is that it is just cheap enough that everything seems like a good idea I got a pink bandanna to match my shoes, a yellow Leevale like top, white gloves and terrible terrible three quarter length pants which won’t be allowed back into Cork. In the end there was a bag drop so only the three quarter lengths won’t be coming home.

6. Salida

I think the start of the race was very intimidating, it was limited to under 38 minute 10k people so in combination this with it being in Spain it meant that everyone looked super fast. Even Conor was a bit scared. There was a helicopter overhead making that noise that you hear in films when something good is about to happen in sports and a man shouting in Spanish on the microphone. It’s amazing how ok you can feel with a bit of adrenaline, I almost felt like it wasn’t a terrible idea to run with my disease.

7. The Four Mile Rule

I think that it is ok to run when you are sick so long as the race distance doesn’t exceed four miles. It’s like the body has a reserve tank for four miles and that’s it. Like your car when it’s on O fuel, it’s ok to keep going for a bit, but don’t take it too far. The reserve tank must be there to enable you to run away from a Lion if you’re sick. I used all of the tank and sure enough after four miles I was close to 7 minute mile pace. Game Over.

8. Tour De France

I think that the last few kilometres of the race were as close a feeling as to riding one of the mountain stages in the Tour De France as you could get. The crowds were so close, they had white clapping strips from the sponsor and glitter that they were throwing at the runners. It’s fantastic even if your sick and being passed by half the field.

9. The Climb

I think that every road race should finish on a 2km climb. It was like one of the cycling classics. A big steep climb at the end of 8km of flat or downhill. It really sorts the race race out, must look great on TV, the big climb in the dark. I’d loved to have powered up the last climb but in reality it was a terrible trudge. I suppose at least I got to appreciate the crowds and the Rayo Vallecano stadium.

10. The Sympathetic Metro

I think that Spanish people are lovely, I was very bad after that race, it was a combination of disgust at not being able to run properly in a big race, extreme sickness and no food. We were sitting opposite an old man on the metro, he saw me shivering and heard my teeth chattering so he offered me his scarf. I explained that I was very very extremely sick and that I was actually very hot despite shivering. Everyone on that train probably has the same disease now, I feel bad, kind of.

San Silvestre Chipiona 2019

10 Things I Think About The San Silvestre Chipiona 2019

1. Vaporflys

I think that I’ll have to get at least 5 pairs of these shoes. I’m thinking of putting a pair in a safe somewhere, just in case. I was so worried on Christmas Eve that someone would break into my house and steal them while I was back in Anglesboro for Christmas. I was so happy to see them when I got back.

2. Scorchio

I think that I wouldn’t have been able to take Belgooly or Clonmel this year. The week before Christmas nearly broke me. Monday and Tuesday there was deadly ice which meant running up and down the road by the train station, Wednesday there was deadly wind where I nearly got killed by a branch, Thursday brought deadly rain. By Friday I’d enough.

3. Beetroot Gazpacho

I think that beetroot gazpacho could be my favourite food ever. It’s amazing, it contains performance enhancing beetroot and it tastes amazing.

4. Aygo

I think that Spain is the only country where when renting a car you ask “have you got anything smaller?”. The Aygo is the perfect Spanish car, tiny but with all the extras like Apple Car Play. It’s absolutely terrifying on the motorway but magnificent on the cobbled streets.

5. Chipiona

I think that Chipiona is one of my favorite places in Spain. It’s so quiet, it’s like Lanzarote without the wind and the horribleness. It has a beautiful lighthouse, a spectacular church and a lovely promenade. Everything was closed along by the sea even though it was 20 degrees. Obviously way too cold.

6. I Learn it from a Book

I think that my Spanish is improving, I still can’t speak it at all but like Irish I can understand stuff quite well. At the startline there was an announcement which caused much consternation among the crowd, the course had been changed and made longer. We had to do two tiny laps and then head out along the promenade before coming back onto the old course. I was very pleased with my understanding.

7. Pinky

I think I didn’t feel so bad about wearing the Cheaterflys when I saw someone else with a pair. Lots of people had the old 4%s. The Spanish seemed to be unaware of how excellent the Vaporflys are as no one asked me about my shoes or even pointed at them.

8. Elbows

I think that it was great fun around the streets of the town elbowing and shouldering. I jumped straight to the front just like Michael did a few years ago. One guy came with me, he kept trying to cut inside me at the corners so I had to shoulder him, it might have been more to do with my atrocious cornering.

9. Irish Bar

I think that it was apt that the new course ran past the Irish Bar on the promenade. I got lots of shouts of “animo”, none of it had anything to do with being Irish as everyone thinks you’re English with the Leevale singlet. We should get an Irish flag on the front of it to make it clear.

10. Campeon

I didn’t think that I’d ever be able to win this race. Technically I had won it the last time as Michael ran under my name when he won it. I nearly ran as fast as him too which must be extremely concerning and worrying to him. I got a big trophy with a running Santa on it as my prize. The podium was excellent and outside. There was no rain, no deadly ice and no wind. It was all excellent.

National Novice XC 2019

10 Things I Think About The National Novice XC 2019

1. Cow Park

I think that Athletics Ireland must have been listening to my pleas for a Clarecastle like cross country course. Cow Park in Dunboyne was perfect, grass that cows would like to eat with beautiful wet deep mud. Way better than the fake mud and lawn grass in Abbotstown. It was like it was designed by a person from Clare who knows stuff about cross country. Perfect.

2. Whiskey

I think that the only reason I was able to run was because of hot whiskey. I started coming down with a terrible disease on Thursday. It was very bad. My throat felt like someone had rubbed barbed wire up and down it. I tried Strepsils, I even used the ones with Fluribuprofen that no one else knows about but nothing worked. On Friday night I decided that hot whiskey was the only solution so I had three or four and woke up Saturday morning feeling excellent.

3. Worst Decision Ever

I think that Conor's decision to make us warm up on the course was terrible leadership. It was very bad, it looked like it was fine but parts of the course were a complete swamp. Within 5 minutes our shoes and socks were soaked with ice water. Perfect preparation, then we went on the road like we should have done and everything was perfect.

4. Tús Maith

I think that it is impossible to get a good start at the National Novice. Last year I thought it was just the hill that made me so slow, this year I understand that it is just because I'm inherently incredibly slow and starting to get even slower because of oldness. It was very bad, I tried grabbing someone to get some leverage but that just slowed me down even more. I must have been 100th at the first corner. Too far back, at least I knew from experience that all hope isn’t lost after a bad start.

5. Mario Kart

I think that you could make a computer game out of the first lap of the Novice. It's great fun. It's like Mario Kart, there are obstacles everywhere, it's especially fun when you get a terrible start and you have to barrel into every corner to try and get back to your teammates. Playing in goals for 10 years as a kid is perfect preparation for the Novice, catch the big high ball then drive out through everyone in your way, great fun when you're way bigger than everyone else.

6. Course

I think that the course was perfect, a beautiful course. The grass was excellent grass, a nice length where it would catch your spikes when you pulled them out of the ground. The mud was wonderful, way different to the clay like rubbish in Abbotstown, this was real wet mud that you can actually run in. The corners were fantastic, some nice hairpins and a lovely sweeping bend onto the finishing straight. A very excellent course.

7. Donie’s Notebook

I think that there is no more reliable source of data on this planet than Donie's notebook. Because of Donie's notebook we were able to see how we progressed through the field as a group. We ran together like a pack. It was like a terrible Disney Movie about Ducks and ice hockey except it was cross country. I think after a lap we had 108 points by the third lap it was 86.

8. Heywood

I think that I didn't mind getting beaten by Conor, Brian and Heywood. Heywood was ridiculous on the mud, he looked so easy and fresh from the start to the finish, gliding over the mud like a gazelle that hadn't run all four laps. It was so suspicious that I went and checked Strava afterwards to make sure he'd run all four laps even though I saw him at the start and on each lap. Obviously it was very possible in a cross country race with four laps where everyone starts at the same time in a big pen that someone would skip a lap. Amazingly my eyes and Strava concurred, he had run all four laps, all four, like the four of them. He had just run excellently.

9. Lying Down

I think the best feeling in cross country is lying on the cold wet ground at the end of the National Novice. It would be nice if you knew where you'd finished or if you'd won the team but still it's very pleasant. I'd a good long lie down, it was very nice. I was hoping that someone would take a picture of me looking exhausted so that I could put it on instagram but they didn't.

10. Evil Donie

I think that Donie is a very evil man. We didn't have the results after the race so we went and did our cool down after the race without knowing whether we won or not. When we got back he was waiting at the entrance with silver medals for us. We turned them over to see that they were for the Cork team. Our faces dropped. Then he handed us the gold team medals. We beat Ennis Track on count back. We both had 70 points but because I finished ahead of their fourth man we won. Essentially it was all because of me. The Leevale team won because of me. Conor was very grateful to me because it means he can do Newmarket 5k next year instead. I'd rather do the Novice again, it’s my favourite race.

Meia Maratona Dos Descobrimentos 2019 10km

10 Things I Think About Finally Beating John Meade in The Lisbon 10k

1. Lock Up Your Vaporflys

I think that having a key to your room in the AirBnB is essential when you have a pair Vaporflys and John doesn’t. He is a fright for stealing any running tech like Garmins or Vaporflys and then hiding them in the oven. I was really worried that I’d return after morning coffee to a cryptic handwritten note and pair of melted Pink Vaporflys. Thankfully my bedroom in the AirBnB came with a big key so I was safe from any Meade sabotage.

2. Vaporised

I think that the commonly held belief that the Vaporflys protect your legs and make it easier to recover is nonsense. My legs were as bad as they have ever been after the Seeley Cup. I was still very bad 6 days after the race which is a very unusual level of badness for a 10k. The Vaporflys seem to make quads and hamstrings very bad, particularly the right lower hamstring which gets knotted after running in them. I’m calling it the Vaporfly knot, Donal Coffey gets the same thing.

3. Meia Maraton

I think it was a much better idea to do the 10k rather than the half marathon in Lisbon. We had entered the half marathon but then we realised that the European XC was on the same day in Lisbon and that if we did the 10k which started at 935 we’d be able to get to the XC course to watch the races. It was an excellent plan.

4. Minding Yourself

I always thought that in order to beat John Meade I’d have to do a lot of minding of myself. Thankfully you don’t have to mind yourself if you have Vaporflys so I could enjoy some excellent local wine and two desserts the night before the race. I reckon the wine costs about -5 seconds per glass and the desserts -4 seconds. The Vaporflys are worth about +90 seconds.

5. Grande

I think that I was about 10cm taller than anyone else running in the 10k. I felt absolutely massive on the startline, especially in the Vaporflys which make me about 6’4. The Portuguese guy next to me on the startline was amazed by my bigness. “Grande, 2 metres”.

6. Humid

I think that while the course was much flatter and more perfect than the Seeley Cup in Belfast the weather was much worse for running in Lisbon. It was 100% humid like Cork and a little warm. The Lisboners were complaining about the wind but it was totally still in comparison to any day in Cork. If it was Cork it was a perfect day for running.

7. No Respect

I think that I must still look totally useless even in my Vaporflys, there was a guy on a motorbike videoing the race who payed me no respect. Even though I was in the lead for the first 2k down to the turnaround at the hairpin he stayed back videoing the group containing Conor and the much more able looking Portuguese locals. When he finally came up to video me I stared straight at the camera and pointed at my lovely pink shoes. Then we turned at the hairpin and I got immediately dropped by Conor and his Portuguese compadres. The guy on the bike was right.

8. Coffey Corner

I think that if anyone is still in any doubt about the Vaporflys then they need to look at Donal Coffey’s 10k P.B performance. When I turned at the second hairpin at 7k I saw the amazing sight of the Green Vaporfly Donal springing along ahead of the Adidas Suction Boot shod John Meade. I was still worried that John Meade was only toying with us all and would suddenly drop the hammer in the last 3k. He did catch Coffey.

9. Humble Pie

I think that I was remarkably restrained in my celebrations given that I have tried and failed miserably for 10 years to beat John Meade, I’ve had to endure 10 long years of being beaten. I thought it was impossible to beat him, a thing that only Conor was capable of. Because of past trolling incidents I was very worried that he would suddenly appear on my shoulder after 9k as I was majorly struggling. The great thing about the Vaporflys is that when you start the process of majorly suffering you realise you’re heal striking and are immediately cued back into running fast up on your toes. When I crossed the line without having seen John Meade at any point in the race I was tempted to do a little dance when he finally appeared but I didn’t, I just shook his hand after a brief pause while I did a victory dance in my head.

10. Portuguesed

I think that the podium was a very disappointing affair. Our cunning plan to combine the 10k with the European XC was sort of dependent on us not ending up on the podium. Unfortunately Conor has become very excellent and perfect at running so he won the race perfectly by a lot. Podiums are normally excellent abroad so we decided to wait around and skip the junior XC races. When the podium eventually happened they called up the three Portuguese who finished 2,3 and 4th for the main podium and put poor victorious Conor on the second class masters podium like he’d come nowhere. Perhaps it the Portuguese have realised that Vaporflys are nonsense and that you don’t deserve a podium if you wear them. It’s almost a new sport. Vaporflying.

Seeley Cup 2019

10 Things I Think About the Seeley Cup

1. Gravity

I think that there must be less gravity up north. That or everyone is just way fitter than down south. Nothing else could explain the speed of the Seeley Cup. It’s a special race.

2. Check Out My Buns

I think that it was just as well I kept the box of cakes that we bought at George’s Market for after the race. A 3pm start means that breakfast must be very known and very small.

3. Croissant Search

I didn’t think it would be so hard to find a croissant in Belfast. They had nothing but baps and pancake like things at the market. The French patisserie was sold out so I’d to settle for the cafe in M+S where the average age of the clientele was about 83. It was a very excellent croissant.

4. The Start is at 3pm right?

I think I was very lucky to make the race at all. For some reason I had it in my head that the race started at 3pm. I parked up on the Ormeau Road at 210pm and jogged over to collect the numbers, I was wondering why there were so many people warming up so early. When I got the numbers I said “the race starts at 3 right”. “No 230”. I ran back to the car, told Rhona we had 10 minutes to get to the start. Installed the the Vaporflys and sprinted to the start.

5. Meade Warm Up

I think that John Meade is right that warm ups are a waste of time. It’s no way to prepare for running fast by running slow. You’re much better off sprinting to the start in a pair of Vaporflys.

6. Better the Devil you Don’t Know

I think the best thing about running up in Belfast is that I didn’t know any of the people that I was racing. There was no negative thinking, no “ah jaysus he’s ahead of me”. Instead it was just follow the group, assume everyone is brilliant because they’re from the North and dare not look at the watch.

7. Green and Pink

I think nearly everyone in the top 50 was wearing either green or pink shoes. It was ridiculous. If they weren’t wearing green or pink they were wearing the original blue 4%. Total domination. Not an Adidas Suction Boot in sight. The only issue with the prevalence of Vaporflys was that everyone was struggling with the corners. It’s absolutely impossible to change direction, there were shoulders and elbows flying everywhere on the first of the three laps.

8. Meandering Heaney

I think it was a good decision to follow Heaney on the first lap. He took a different line to the rest of the pack, it’s like he’d done some research on the best line to the first corner. I knew I’d be able to stay somewhere near him as I’d beaten him in the cross country last week. I managed to hang on until about 5k, then the elastic got longer but never snapped.

9. Still Bouncing

I think the Vaporflys really start working in the second half do the race. The great thing about them is that you can go off as hard as you like because no matter how wrecked you get you’ll still be able to run reasonably fast. On the third and final lap I was in exceptional trouble and normally would have been reduced to 6 minute miles. But when you’ve magic shoes all you’ve to do is maintain some semblance of running form and the shoes do the rest.

10. Cheaterflys

I think that the Vaporflys have to be banned. It is utterly ridiculous that I was able to run almost 2 minutes faster than I used to be able to for 10k just because of a shoe. It’s like when you’d get the cheat code for Jonah Lomu rugby on the PlayStation. It’s great fun for a while but it gets boring pretty quickly when you’ve 15 Jonah Lomu’s in every match. I suppose at least with the Vaporflys, everyone else has the cheat code too.

All Ireland Senior XC 2019

10 Things I Think About The All Ireland Senior Cross Country 

1. Variation on a Theme

I think the course in Abbotstown is a small improvement on the previous course. It has a major problem with shortness. The grass is too short and the lap is too short. It could do with some water, a few jumps and some trees but other than that it’s fine. It has great potential, it just needs a bit more madness, a bit more imagination. 

2. Breaking Abbotstown 

I think that it would be interesting to conduct a breaking 2 like experiment on cross country running. There has to be an optimal spike pattern and spike length for every condition and type of mud. There’s no consistency in the running spikes being worn, they’re all different, no one even thinks of getting a pair that would be faster like they do with Vaporflys. The only unusual ones I saw were Sergiu’s Asics which had the Vaporfly beak on the back. 

3. Nine Inch Nails

I think that Michael Herlihy should be disqualified for endangering the health of everyone in the race. His spikes were like nails, they were at least an inch long, ridiculous yokes. I didn’t think they’d work until I saw him engage them in the muck on the first big lap. It was like everyone else had slick tires and Mike had winter tyres with studs, more shoe doping. 

4. I Really Shouldn’t Be Here

I think that even the good guys felt intimidated on the start line. There was serious quality on show. It’s great that everyone turns out, perhaps this is why they keep it in Dublin, not sure everyone would drag themselves to Carrigadrohid or Clarecastle in the November rain. 

5. Carambolage 

I think that there was a serious danger of an F1 style first corner accident. It was sort of like the first corner at Spa, a tight right hand with one line just 200m from the start. Just like when you watch an F1 race I was kind of hoping there’d be a big pile up with half the field eliminated by Michael Herlihy’s spikes and that I’d be like a Minardi scoring points because everyone else was retired. In the end I was far too slow to cause an accident and everyone safely snaked their way politely around the sweeping off camber bend, miraculous really. It could have been great.

6. The Mucky Lap

I think that the 1500m lap was deceptively hard. If you just stood at the finish line for the whole race you’d think that it was a grand fast course, what are they complaining about? What you couldn’t see was the ankle deep thick sticky muck around the back of the course. The muck in Abbotstown is unlike normal farmers field muck. It’s thick and viscous, it pulls you down with every step, turning stylish nimble runners into lumbering hunched over creatures like me, everyone suffers, no one looks good. 

7. Muck 

I think that I’m not very good at running in the muck. People seem to think I’m good at it because I like it but I’m actually very terrible at running in the muck. What I’m very excellent at is running fast after coming out of the muck. I understand the muck and don’t get demoralised so I can go again once it’s gone and the ground gets firm again. I need a 50% muck ratio, this was more like 75% muck, not ideal. 

8. 5 Spikes Good 4 Spikes Bad

I think that I should have worn the new pair of spikes. The race in Carrigadrohid broke the thread in one of the spikes, which then fell out in Conna. I got a new pair of the Brooks Mach spikes just in time for the race but it was a new model and it looks far different so I was scared to wear them in case I’d get injured. For some reason I decided it was a good idea to remove the same spike from the non broken shoe to balance them out. This was a big mistake. The fifth spike was badly needed on the little hill out of the muck pit, I couldn’t get traction at all. Brooks clearly do some engineering when they design them, not quite Nike Next% level but some. 

9. Seven

I think that seven laps is too many. I know it’s probably better for the spectators but it’s very hard on the head to run 7 laps and there is a serious risk of being lapped. To make it worse the muck slows it down to about marathon pace so seems like it’ll never end. 5 or 6 laps would be plenty. Surely they could find a mile lap, make it nice and simple.

10. Bewilderment 

I think that my favourite thing about this race is that bewildered look on everyone’s face at the finish. It’s like everyone’s thinking “I won the Thomas the Tank Engine 5k four years in a row, how can I finish 83rd?, I’m a 15 minute 5ker”. That’s the great thing about cross country, it’s a total lottery, road times count for nothing and you’ve no idea whether you ran well or not.

Munster Senior XC 2019

10 Things I Think About The Munster Senior XC 

1. Does Anyone have a Pair of Size 10 Spikes

I think that the first rule of cross country is always bring your spikes. The second rule is don’t miss the start. Barry managed to fall foul of both rules. Quite an achievement. We are definitely cursed this year. 

2. Father Ted

I think going to the Munster Seniors is like going to a Father Ted version of cross country. “The medals will be presented at the horse box” was the best part. Who wouldn’t want their medals presented from a horsebox.

3. Movember 

I think that Donie wasn’t exactly impressed by my Donie Walsh Movember effort. I’m quite proud of it, it’s a massive improvement on last years feeble effort. The Alpecin shampoo is magic. It’s doping for your hair.

4. Interminable Morning 

I think that not having a timetable for an event is ridiculous. No one has any idea what time the race is going to start. It could be 2pm could be 3pm could be 4pm. How hard can it be to run the event to a timetable. Even a rough idea like not before 3pm. I kind of love it.

5. Conna

I think that the course in Conna is a proper cross country course. They should run the All Ireland’s on a course like Conna. It would be real cross country unlike the artificial road race on grass course in Abbottstown. There was everything in Conna, ruts, muck, hills, long grass, no grass, gaps, rock and cow dung. If it was a formula one track it would be Spa, Abbotstown is Bahrain.

6. Grizzlies 

I think that the start of the Munster Senior XC is always very intimidating. It’s a distillation of all the hard crazy runners in Munster. A no nonsense bunch of real tough runners. Quite scary. John Meade wasn’t there.

7. Torque 

I think the course required an engine with a lot of torque to accelerate out of the turns. I loved the twisty turny bits. There was a lovely bend down at the very bottom of the course where you started to think “If I get this wrong and I break my leg it’s going to be at least an hour before the ambulance gets down to me”.

8. Mid Race Analysis

I think that the first two laps of a cross country race are very stressful. You can only tell how well you are doing based on your opinion of the guys that are around. If you don’t know them then it’s based on appearance. I was happy out until Michael Herlihy did his usual trick after two laps. Then I was angry. Then I caught John Shine which made me happy. 

9. The Hill

I think that I need to get better at running up hills. I was losing an appalling amount of ground on the one hill on the course. It was deceptively steep and definitely favoured the lighter shorter runner. Michael was even putting ground into me. It must have been all those Italian Alps at Halloween. 

10. The Unwritten Rule

I think there should be an unwritten rule about passing your teammate within sight of the finish line. I passed John Shine halfway around last lap. I was very happy with myself but knew that the last hill was going to be tricky. I got to the top of the hill still in front, I even rounded the last corner ahead but then I heard the footsteps. I sprinted as hard as a could but he just got me on the line. It was horrible, at least I beat Mark Walsh badly.

Carrera Villanueva Del Trabuco

10 Things I Think About The Carrera in Villanueva Del Trabuco

1. Three Races

I think that this was the first time that I have entered three races on the same weekend and only turned up to one. I wanted to run a race in Artarfe at 10pm on Friday night but my sister couldn’t be persuaded to get the bus up to Granada on her own so I had to wait until Sunday to race. Then it was a choice between a 10k in Motril and an 8k in Villanueva Del Trabuco. I chose the 8k because it looked more random and less commercial. 

2. No to Vermouth 

I think my decision not to drink the vermouth I ordered after dinner was key to my success. It is a very bad idea to mix wine and vermouth. I had forgotten how bad it was until the third or fourth sip, then I remembered Cask in the summer and that sickly sweet acidic stomach so I swapped my vermouth for my sisters wine.  Wine is far better.

3. Value

I think that races in Spain are great value even if you end up entering three and only turn up to one. My race was €5 for which I got a nice pink t-shirt and a race number with my name Coakley, Donal printed on it. They were even selling pink sunglasses for €5 so I bought two pairs. They’ll go nicely with my Vaporflys.

4. Insider Information 

I think that it is very important to do your warmup within earshot of the start when you’re in a new town. I did a little km loop around the town to make sure that it didn’t start without me. On the warm up I met Carlos who I knew from the race in Alfarnate in the summer. He told me valuable information about the big hill after 3km which was very helpful. 

5. Vino 

I think I had a subtle hangover from the wine the night before the race. Wine is a very good drink for running, so long as it is good Spanish local wine it doesn’t have any major effects. The only real effect is that at the start of a run you feel a sort of subtle roughness that has to be run off. At the start of the race it took me about a km to get going by which time Carlos and three other Spaniards had gone a good bit ahead.

6. Mirador

I think that this was the first time ever in a race that I was the fastest person up a hill. After about 2km we turned left onto a gravel road up a twisty turny hill up to a Mirador. I was in fourth place but suddenly the guys in front started to come back to me. By the top of the Mirador climb I was level with the final Spaniard. Imagine if I’d of had my cheating Vaporflys, it would have been very unfair. 

7. Descent 

I think that my favourite part of the race was the decent off the mirador climb. It was super steep. I was with the last of the Spaniards racing down into the hairpin turns like the guys on the Tour De France. I was very glad I didn’t have my Vaporflys as I definitely would have broken my ankle.

8. No to Vaporflys 

I think my favourite thing about this race was that there wasn’t a single Vaporfly on display, not one, not even a shoe that looked like a Vaporfly. One of the guys had a pair of the New Balance Green FuelCell propels, everyone else was in regular racing flats. I wore my trusty Brooks Ghost. 

9. Second Last Lap Sprint 

I think that leading a race is a very stressful experience. I’ve never actually won a race in Spain, primarily because John or Conor have been there to beat me so this was the first time I had the chance to win. I could hear the guy I descended the Mirador with right behind me the whole way to the finish. When we came into the finishing straight I did my choppy hands thing and sprinted like Mark Walsh on the second last lap of cross country race. I just about held him off to win.

10. Podium 

I think that the podium in Villanueva Del Trabuco was my favourite ever. It was my first time standing on the top in Spain. It was outside in the warm sunshine with a fountain behind us. I got a lovely trophy and excellent photos. It’s just as well my sister refused to get the bus from Malaga to Granada, I’d have missed out on this excellent race.