Cork BHAA Sterling 5K

10 Things I Think About The Cork BHAA Sterling 5K

1. Ringaskiddy Again

I think that Ringaskiddy is my favourite location for BHAA races. It’s only 20 minutes from Glanmire, has a good playground for Billy and there’s no trouble with parking like down the Marina. The only problem with Ringaskiddy is the wind and the hills but they can be useful for keeping the fast fellas away.

2. Saw Tooth Profile

I think that there is no way someone would start a new race with a route like this 5K. It doesn’t have a metre of flat road. If you look at the profile on Strava it looks like a bad saw. John Walshe said that the route hasn’t changed since he first measured the route a few years back. It’s nice to have races like this so we can see how much more terrible modern runners like me are. Mark Hanrahan ran 14 minutes on this course which seems impossible, especially without magic shoes.

3. Punctuality

I think that the Cork BHAA get a bad rap for not starting races exactly at 8pm. I was worried that they might start this race early to make a point so I made sure to get to the start 3 minutes before 8pm. Thankfully the relaxed atmosphere remains and we had time for a good chat, a few photos, clapping for Andy and Sarah’s wedding and letting the 223 bus pass before we got underway.

4. Around the Outside

I think that I was surprised at how fast the race went out. I knew from running it last year that the run to the first left hand corner at the ferry port was quick but I got a bit caught out by how quick the lads at the front went out. It took me until the downhill before the bend to get back up to the front group. Then I swept around the outside of the group to the front before I quickly realized that this was not going to be a normal race.

5. Block Headwind

I think that the wind made this race. Once we turned left at the traffic light we were straight into the magical combination that is an uphill headwind. I had no interest in carrying Viv and Co up the hill into the wind so I pulled up and found shelter for the next 2km. Luckily Ray from Togher was quite happy to run a steady pace into the wind up the hill so I sat in and waited for the wind and hill to go away.

6. Thank God for Ray

I think that if it wasn’t for Ray we would still be out running the section between Ringaskiddy and Shanbally. It was disgraceful stuff by the rest of us. No one was willing to run into the wind, everyone wanted to be like Viv and tuck in and wait. Normally I would be willing to try and make it hard but I’m tired of that tactic not working so I choose to be like Viv and sit in and wait for as long as it took which happened to be until Shanbally.

7. Shanbally Shenanigans

I think that there were a lot of people in contention for the win as we passed the 3k mark before turning left up yet another climb at Shanbally. Thankfully once we turned left we only had the uphill to contend with as the wind had disappeared. Gavin began to wind things up so I got straight onto the back of him and hoped I could hang on and that Viv wouldn’t.

8. Hang onto Gavin

I think that the hill out of Shanbally was just about short enough to allow me to hang onto Gavin. Once we crested the top of the Shanbally climb we turned right down a steep hill which was perfect as I was able to use Gavin as a pacemaker all the way to 400m to go. The Vaporflys behind started to get fainter and fainter so I began to believe that I had evolved into a master tactician and would turn all my fourths into seconds without any change in ability or training.

9. I Can Move When I Want To

I think that I got up the final hill much better than normal. Gavin disappeared the minute we hit the climb, it was very unfair how quick he went up it. If I could be like Gavin I would beat Viv easily, unfortunately I’m not and Viv pranced by silently before Aidan stormed by both of us just before the crest of the hill. I was moving a little better than normal up the hill so I held off my other finishing straight enemy Kris and ended up in my usual finishing position.

10. Usualth Position

I think that races that give prizes down to fourth are the best races. This was a very well organized race so I’m not surprised that they thought about recognizing the hard work that goes into consistently finishing in 4th position. Viv was extremely delighted about the bad beating that he had administered. He probably could have beaten Aidan for second but he runs mainly on hatred for me so he stopped sprinting all out once he had me beaten. I’ll just have to accept that he is going to beat me in 5ks, at least I have the other distances.

MTU 5K 2024

10 Things I Think About The Cork BHAA MTU 5K

1. Marginal Complaints

I think that the BHAA changing the start time of the morning races to 10am is terrible. It was probably because of people like Viv complaining about how late in the day it was starting at 11am. With a 10am start I am guaranteed to be late especially for far away races like MTU. The worst part of the early start was taking a beetroot shot immediately after getting out of bed at 830 which is like having a squirt of tomato sauce for breakfast.

2. Clement

I think that the conditions for the 5k were the opposite of last weekend in Kinsale. It was perfect for running on Sunday morning, cold but warm when running, dry and acceptably windy. My warmup was a jog up to use one of the million secret toilets in the new MTU building that should be an indoor 200m track but isn’t. That left about 5 minutes to put on magic shoes which is about as long as it takes to get them on and tie the laces properly.

3. Diversity and Inflation

I think that it is great to see the wide variety of magic shoes in use at local road races. It used to be a sea of Vaporflys, now you have everything from Asics, On, Saucony, New Balance, Hoka, Adidas, Puma and even the odd Mizuno shoes without heels that look a physio’s dream. The Edge and John Buckley Sports must be delighted because we are now stuck in that impossibly expensive game of trying to figure out that one shoe that will give you the same advantage that Viv had when he destroyed me down the Marina in 2019 when I didn’t know about the magic shoes.

4. Familiarity Breeds Contempt

I think that the start of a BHAA race is a source of great motivation. If I tried to do a session of 400s there is no way that I would be able to get near the pace that I can run at the start of a BHAA 5k. On the dot of 10am we took off out the gate of MTU with Heywood flying off into what looked like an unassailable lead. After receiving a few pucks from someone who had probably been watching too many 400m indoor races on TV I resisted the tremendous desire to puck them back and got up into my normal position of on John Meade’s tail by the time we got to the roundabout where we turned left.

5. Social Distancing

I think that the most interesting part of the MTU 5k course is the series of downhill corkscrew bends after 1k. It is sort of like a chicane on an F1 track, designed to cause accidents so that people will watch a Netflix series. It takes skill and agility to negotiate the chicane properly. As we approached the chicane I was behind Tom McKenzie and John Meade, realizing that John Meade would probably handstand and backflip his way through the chicane gaining a massive advantage I knew I had to get in front of him to block him, so I swept around the outside of him just before we got to the entrance to the chicane. Then I held out my hands like the people used do a few years ago on the very same path when we were all running within our 5ks. It worked very well, and I exited the chicane in front of John Meade.

6. Leapfrog Heywood

I think that one of the things you don’t expect to see 2k into a 5k is a fella bent over tying his shoelaces. After his promising start poor Heywood had to relinquish his unassailable lead as he had fallen foul of the notoriously terrible laces on the Vaporfly 2. He was just about finished tying them as my group came past. I presumed that he would just jog the rest of the race but within a few seconds a resurgent Heywood with fully secured shoes came storming through the middle of our group at a ridiculous pace in a futile attempt to regain his hard-earned lead.

7. Shoelace Tying Competition

I think that it would make BHAA races more interesting if we all started with our shoes off and had to put them on and tie the shoelaces sort of like a transition in triathlon. Heywood lost 15 seconds tying his shoe laces which is almost precisely as much as the magic shoes give you over 5k. It would be a good equaliser and allow us to compare results with the times in races back in 2018 when you used to be sore for a week after a 5k.

8. Hybrid Hatred Engine

I think that beating John Meade is one of the hardest tasks in Cork running, like Heywood he was wearing the Vaporfly 2s but unfortunately unlike Heywood he had them well tied up. I got to about 4k in contact with John Meade but as soon as the road turned upwards after the tennis courts John Meade and Tom said goodbye and began to disappear up the hill in that annoying way that generates pure hatred that will be stored up in my hatred battery and used to absolutely destroy him in a crucial four mile race somewhere in East Cork when I’m fit for that week in June or July.

9. New Adversary

I think that it is great how running is always refreshing itself. I have been doing BHAA races since 2006 and have had countless people that I have wanted to beat and have inevitably beaten. My newest rival in races is Kris, I don’t know who he is replacing in the game that is elite level local Cork running but he is proving hard to beat. I got to the final turn back into MTU just ahead of Kris but on the sprint to the finishing line by the new MTU building that should be an indoor 200m track but isn’t he destroyed me like he was a young John Meade.

10. Will Someone Please Think of the Children

I think that the only good thing about the new BHAA 10am start was that there was an option to do two races in a day with the Karen Fenton 5k race on at 1230 only 10 minutes away. I would have loved to have raced both the 5ks like a true running influencer but instead it was a good way for both Rhona and I to do a race without requiring Billy minding. Billy is not a fan of the double races; one race is enough to be dragged to on a cold Sunday morning in March.

North Cork A.C Doneraile 5K 2024

10 Things I Think About The North Cork A.C 5k in Doneraile Park

1. Build Back Better

I think that every good long injury is a good opportunity to fix all the many niggles that you have. Because my injury wasn’t desperate altogether, I was able to do a lot of strength training and a little bit of cycling on Zwift while the pointless little annoying bone that is the fibula knitted itself back together. After three months of torture I am probably good for another two years of running without injuries hopefully. I have learnt a lot of lessons which I hope to forget

2. Divide and Conquer

I think that this weekend was a great weekend for racing in Cork with nearly everyone gone to Seville for the marathon. On Saturday I had a meeting with John Meade where we decided to divide and conquer with John heading to Carrigaline for an inevitable victory while I headed to Doneraile which is the only place in Ireland where I can win a race.

3. Harald Fairhair

I think that the Norweigan’s can teach us a lot when it comes to running. I am a great fan of Norweigan training methodology and mythology. In an attempt to speed up the injury recovery process I adopted a strategy last used by the first Viking King of Norway and told to me by the Norweigan physio and new Leevale runner Chris which was not to cut my hair and beard until I had conquered the injury. It has worked excellently and apparently when you cut your hair things get even better.

4. Superstition

I think that a race in Doneraile Park is a non-traditional choice of first race back after a crippling injury. Because after my last stress fracture and probably the one before that and the one before that my first race back was a 5k in Doneraile Park I kind of had to keep up the tradition as I got nearly two and a half years of injury free running out of the last race. That and Michael Herlihy is involved in organising it and as much as I enjoy tormenting him it is nice to support him.

5. Signs of Injury

I think that when you have had more injuries and comebacks than most people have run races you don’t really get nervous about the first race back. Sure I came back grand the last time why wouldn’t I come back again? I was late as usual for the start arriving at 1045 for an 11am start so I installed my original pink vaporflys and jogged over to collect my number at the big gate. It is actually a good test for recovery from an inury as you can tell the injured runners by how early they show up for races, if you are there an hour before there is probably a crippling injury that requires bands and dancing to loosen out before racing, 15 minutes before means 100% health.

6. I Remember

I think that it doesn’t take long to remember how to race. When we took off down the hill from the big gate one of Michael Herlihy’s future super stars took the lead. I was happy to follow behind with Kieran McKeown and Stephen Crowley. I took the bad bend at the big tree as terribly as normally before taking the lead as we went onto the trail after the bridge.

7. Hatred

I think that the thing I missed most about racing is the pure hatred. I haven’t hated anything in over four months and because I had raced too much before the injury the hatred had become very dilute by the end of last year. My hatred reservoir has replenished fully after the few months off, it’s almost overflowing. I like Kieran McKeown, he is a very nice man and an excellent coach but I had to hate him a lot for the first mile to get rid of the sound of his Vaporflys hitting the gravely trail. It took until the second bridge to get rid of him.

8. Corners

I think that the one thing that I didn’t fix while I was injured was my cornering ability. There are a lot of corners in Doneraile I basically had to stop at the corners because it was slippy and I am terrified of falling because falling caused all of my problems in the first place. I didn’t fall and my stress fracture leg was excellent at pushing off the corners so I was very happy.

9. Relax

I think that the last kilometre of the Doneraile 5k is one of the best finishes to a race in all of Ireland. What other race finishes on the uphill drive to a big old beautiful house. Because I was trying to hold onto some of my hatred for another day when I have to take on John Meade or Viv. I looked back to see where Kieran was, he was close but far away enough that I didn’t have to sprint just keep going which I did.

10. The First Law of Running

I think that the most crucial aspect of a comeback race is the warm down. It’s nearly more important than the race. It is a very good sign when you don’t even think about the warm down and just do it. This means that the injury is completely gone. If I was still injured I’d have needed to use bands and do dancing which I didn’t have to which was great. The unfortunate news is that because injuries are neither created nor destroyed only transferred from one runner to another there is now another runner out there with a crippling injury. I’m just glad it’s not me anymore.

Carrigtwohill 5k 2017

10 Things I Think About the Carrigtwohill 5k

1. Gaunt

I think I got too fat on holidays. This is not good for running. It was only four days but a lot of damage can be done in four days, especially as my mother was trying to degauntify me, "You're gone terrible gaunt". I was very worried before the race as the scales was telling me that I would be very slow. I didn't see a weight on the scales just "slow". I prefer to be terrible gaunt.

2. Coffee and Water

I think I will have to exist on coffee and water to get rid of the additional ballast that I have added to my naturally huge frame. If only I was a formula 1 car where you could move the ballast around to improve the performance of the car. My ballast definitely doesn't help, well maybe on the downhill sections. I'm sure the Internet will have some other mad diet that I can use. The internet is always a good source for such things. What could possibly go wrong? I can always write a book about how to get gaunt quickly. Gaunt in 15 or something similar. People would buy that I'm sure.

3. Castle

I think Barryscourt Castle is the prettiest building in Carrigtwohill. This isn't very hard. The second prettiest is probably Frank's Takeaway. San Sebastián it ain't.

4. Warm Up

I think Donal Coffey learned from Millstreet. He completely out psyched me on the warm up. I think he spotted that I wasn't as gaunt. Ah well form is temporary, class is permanent.

5. Magic Mile

I think the first mile of a 5k is the most important. You have to go out as fast as possible, none of this scientific even paced nonsense. I tried to get to the first mile marker ahead of Donal, I failed miserably. The East Cork Mafia of James McCarthy and Kevin O Leary were well up the road. There's something in the water in East Cork. They're very good at running down that direction.

6. Miserable Mile

I think the second mile of a 5k is the most important. If you don't feel absolutely miserable then you aren't going fast enough. You should have your hand in the fire not just over it. I felt particularly awful which was good. I still didn't feel awful enough. I kind of lost concentration for a few seconds which allowed Kevin and Donal get a gap. I hung on to Nigel Sheehan instead. I don't think he appreciated this.

7. Sharapova

I think I nearly drove Nigel and Bryan Crowley mad with my Maria Sharapova like grunting. I don't know why my breathing was so loud. I took my doping before the race. Perhaps I should have taken more. I might have to get one of those nose turbine things that Chris Froome uses, they seem to work and they look class.

8. Course

I think the little hills on that course are evil. There is one particularly malevolent hill that you have to do twice. It's not particularly long but it stings. It stings worse the second time, especially when there are lapped runners distracting you from how much you should be suffering.

9. Revenge

I think I took my defeat to Donal Coffey very well. I have good excuses so I'm not too worried. I shall get my revenge in Churchtown South. I will be gaunt again by then.

10. Old Man Ian

I think it's unfair that Ian O'Leary gets a prize for being very old while I get no prize even though I beat him very well. This is very unfair. I suppose it is compensation for being very old. I can't wait to get old so that I can collect lots of money at road races. I just wish that I could run Ian's 10k and 10 mile times before I get old.

Grant Thornton 5k 2017

10 Things I Think About The Grant Thornton 5k

1. Lance Armstrong

I think I Alfie was right to accuse me of doping immediately after the race. Last Wednesday I ran a 5k in 25 minutes, tonight I ran just under 17 minutes. If I was a cyclist in the Tour de France they'd all be asking "What is he on?" What am I on? I'm on two puffs of ventolin before every race, it does the trick, that and few iron tablets, some vitamin D and a probiotic.

2. Big Shots

I don't think I've ever been referred to as a "big shot" before. Feidhlim Kelly announced my arrival to the start line like I was Mo Farah turning up to his local 5k. I suppose I did look fantastic. I waved as you do. Referring to me as a big shot is like calling the captain of the local Junior B football team a big shot, it was a confidence boost all the same. I suppose I am kind of a big shot.

3. Ingebrigtsen

I think that rule number one of all sports is that the most important thing is to look fantastic at all times. I think I accomplished this tonight.

4. Hawkers

I think that the reason I looked fantastic was because I purchased a pair of excellent white sunglasses in Malaga for €25. They're particularly fantastic. The white and blue is excellent. They suit the shape of my face very well.

5. Start

I don't think I've ever performed a Mexican wave one minute before the start. It did get the adrenaline going I suppose. I thought that as I was the local big shot I'd walk away with it. This thought didn't last long as two East Cork bigger shots took off up the road. Ah well, the junior B captain probably experiences the same thing when he tries to play intermediate football.

6. Drafting

I think the winner may have been helped by the motorbike that pretty much towed him around the course. Think Nibali in the Vuelta last year. Motordoping isn't just confined to cycling you know.

7. Style over Function

I think wearing sunglasses on a dreary night in Cork is not the best idea. Thankfully they filled in all the potholes down the Marina as I couldn't see much. I refused to remove the shades. Looking fantastic is much more important than a broken ankle.

8. Finish

I think that a 5k is so much better than a marathon. It's over so quickly. I barely even noticed it. I must do more. They're excellent.

9. Campione

I think that winning the team prize for the Gilead Gringos is great. We won by 15 seconds. Four people on the team, the team aspect of the event is brilliant. It's all about the fourth man. We got a lovely bowl. I wore my Berlin hat and Iceland jersey when I was collecting the bowl. I looked excellent again.

10. Debadification

I think that I have completed the debadification process quite well. One week is loads after a marathon. I'm fine.